Well here I am, trying to get back into Plan B. Yesterday would have been 12 weeks in it. But I had contact with WH. Now I am back to the first square. WH continues to lie. He says he did not live with OW - she gave up key to house with her H. She was out of the house. My H says that she was living in her car, which was parked in his driveway. I am so tired of all of this, I have no desire to work on anything. Too many lies. He continues to lie, lie, lie.

I don't know how to get back into Plan B. I am trying but it is just so hard. Please help me.

believer, have you ever given him a Plan B letter?

I am sorry you are having to go through all this. But I think you see now how tricky they can and how hard it can be if you don't protect yourself. You are not back to square 1, this is just part of the process and is NOT a defeat.

How about writing a Plan B letter that lays it all out for him?

Melody- I have written him 2 Plan B letters. It is not him now, it is me. I need to get back into Plan B and am struggling with it. I was doing so well, but have lost it now.

I just want to get back to where I was. I got my hopes up for nothing. He just hasn't "got it". He is still in the fog. I know that I need to get back to Plan B and I will. I am so tired of this.

I am also almost in your situation. I made contact with him after one week of plan B. At least you made to 12 weeks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway this is what i think which might make things easier for you. I read one posting that said it is okay to be break silent during plan B to ask our WS about how things are. At the same time show him EN so that he knows it is good to come back. HOWEVER before you do this...u must be at peace meaning DUN BE AFRAID TO LOSE HIM. If you still have that feeling of "Afraid to lose him" then i suggest stay silent and don't call him or see him at all.

I think you can get rid of that fear feeling by moving onwards.

Female age 36 WS-age 36
Known 18 years Married 7 years
DD age 5
OW - 28/unmarried
8/sep/03 - Dday
29/Dec/03 - Gave him a Plan B letter after he lied to me 3 times
5/Jan/03 - Broke silent to check on him.
7/Jan/03 - Back to plan B

Believer:

I slipped during PLAN B several times. I even had a sexual encounter with my FWH, just like I was the OW, during PLAN B. I just kept "getting back up on the horse" as I would say here.

What really helped me was to tell myself over and over again and over and over again that THE ONLY CHANCE OF ME RECONCILING WITH MY WH IS TO DO PLAN B! This proved to be true. Like Melody said, it is part of the MB process. We will slip because we want our life partners back. The thing is we have to ensure that we do what will be effective in getting that to happen. Tell yourself IF YOU DON'T DO PLAN B, YOU WILL LOSE HIM OR YOU WILL NEVER GET HIM BACK. Unfortunately, truth is, right now you have already lost your H. You are in a battle and have to get stronger for the fight!!!!

The key with PLAN B is for you to get stronger for when and if he comes back, for him to really miss you and for him to really get to know her. Let her try to fulfill all of his wants and needs without him having you as an anchor or a saviour. Believe me, Believer, she will fail. Right now,if you don't do PLAN B you are helping the OW win at her game. She does not have to do it all on her own. She does not have the MB strategies that you have.During PLAN B,she will begin to LB and show her true self when she can no longer rely on her fantasy games.

Try to build yourself up.Work on your personal growth. Work on areas that your WH found lacking. For example, my FWH liked to garden but I did not do it with him. During PLAN B, I developed this interest. I didn't do it on consciously but I guess it made me feel closer to him. When he did drivebys to our house during PLAN B, he tells me now that he saw my container garden and was shocked and impressed. He wanted to ask me where I got the flower pot. Now, we garden and landscape together on the weekends. I know its hard but ask yourself if you want your marriage. If you do, PLAN B is the only way. I assure you that this is the only option that you have.

GO DARK!! It's not time to begin the TRANSITION PHASE OF some contact. I think he needs to be shocked into total darkness from you.

Come here for support.

Confess to us if you blow it.

Then, get right back up on the horse!!

I am a veteran. I've been where you are. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. Now, my marriage is happier than it has ever been. However, PLAN B also taught me that if even my FWH leaves me today, I WILL SURVIVE! It is important that my FWH knows that. He knows that I will not sit around waiting for him. He respects me for that and that makes him want to be with me even more. That's another important part of this. Your higher self-esteem developed during PLAN B will be attractive to your WH and will be necessary during your RECOVERY.

HANG IN THERE!! I AM ROUTING FOR YOU!!!

<small>[ January 07, 2004, 08:38 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Mimi,
U are right, unfortunately we have already lost our husband.

And yes, the OW does not know about MB strategy and will probably do a lot of LB...that is a nice perspective. Thanks for showing it to me!

Thanks everyone, I am getting back into Plan B. Have had NC with H for 2 whole days, and already starting to feel better again. My trust in him is gone, and his attitude that he will do things his way does not help. Doing things his way is what got us into this mess.