During the day - I feel good about my decision to go to Plan B. I reflect a LOT on our marriage and stop idealizing things that perhaps I was never happy with.

I wrote in my journal like MAD this afternoon - really thinking about what I wanted and what was important to me when I dated other people before I was married. Came to the conclusion that perhaps I don't want this marriage after all. Perhaps I was so focused on my feelings of rejection and how absurd this situation is, that I forgot to ask myself WHY do I want to stay.

Saying that - This morning was SO Hard - I woke up at 5am thinking and wishing he were here.
Tonight after meeting my parents for dinner with the kids, I felt numb driving home to an empty house - no one to call while on the road to advise i was on my way.

When I got home, my heart begins to ache so badly
My D wants to sleep with me tonight, but I really want to be alone to cry.

Keeping busy is easy during the day, what to do during these moments when all i want to do is talk to him

UUGH!!!!

GoodWife,

I hear you. The nights are lonely. The kids are in bed; we're alone. During the light of day, everything seems so ... hmmmm ... logical, I guess ... emotion doesn't seem to enter into the equation when the sun is up.

Yet, sunset comes, it's dark, it's quiet and we start to reflect ... the emotions kick in.

What to do? Exactly what you are doing. Come here for support.

There used to be a quite active Plan B support thread. I will see if I can find it and bump it up. It would be a good thing to reintroduce for all who are currently in Plan B, or who have successfully moved past it.

We care!

Thanks Sparkle,
Because all I want to do right now is cry.
People say i am a strong person, but I feel so weak right now
Computer is in D's room and she is still awake, Have to quietly hold my breath

How much longer does this have to be like this?

GW,

I have been exactly where you are. It is going to take you some time...lots more time than you think. Ups...downs. You've heard it described as a roller coaster ride. But aren't r.c. rides supposed to be fun?

For me - to achieve peace - it took - literally three months of totally no contact. Little by little, day by day, without realizing it, I grew stronger, and the tears grew fewer. Oh, don't get me wrong. Suddenly out of no where, a very bad day would surface and I would be on a crying jag.

It takes time, isolation and having yourself removed from the pain. It takes a strong Plan B. One day, you will wake up in the morning, realize what a beautiful God-given day it is, and - wonder of wonders, the first thing you think about is not your WH.

You are far from being there. But we will be here to hold your hand.

Cry when you must. We all have to shed our tears. Just know that there are many here who care about your pain.

Chin up.

Sparkle,
I find myself dreaming about a great marriage with other people during the day, yet yearn for him at night.

I think - hey maybe during Plan B - I will date other people (no kissing) just activities - fun - dinner - coffee - golf - whatever I want to laugh -

At night and in the early morning, all I think about is how it feels to be held by him - but even that makes me sad and confused because what did it really feel like? Was I happy and content with it before? His affair lasted almost 2 years until I discovered them. she lived in our home and I trusted her completely too. I don't remember what or if our marriage was ever good?

But the pain is so raw - you are right - I am sure it will take months. If you look at my first thread you will see that back in early November I thought we were well on our way to recovery...how foolish - he just continued to lie.

Plan B takes the confusion and places it on me

Sparkle,

just a side note - his affair has continued with her via phone only. She was sent home to Slovakia on 9/15/03
He is confused too. Via phone - he asks her to return to him and if she is true to him while she is there. yet he was sleeping with me most of the time since she has been gone.
It's just a big plain mess

You are very early in Plan B. It gets better and better. Try to work on things like exercising, joining a support group, cleaning, rearranging house, organizing, etc. I really helped me. You will have something to feel good about, and something else to think about. Check out flylady.com - there is a whole plan for doing everything.

Your interest has been in husband and of course you will be thinking of him at first. So put that guy on the back burner and start some different interests. You will start feeling great.

Goodwife I feel for you, I feel many of the same things and she is still hear.

Recently while she was on a 10 day Hawaii vacation that I sent her I was miserable at night being alone. Don't feel guilty for what is happening it's not your fault you were a goodwife he just lost sight of what he had.

The old saying goes" You always want what you don't have" Well now he doesn't have you and I am sure he is thinking the same as you are Lonely, missing you, missing the kids etc.... Be strong and maybe it's good that you take up interests in other activities and others.

Try your local Yahoo personals search for males or females list seperated under your search there are a few by me that ask for friendship and someone to have fun with, I looked by me and when she goes I plan on trying it.

To bad your so far away or I would enjoy your company, you are a wonderful person. Perhaps in the near future when my WW moves out we can meet in NYC if you come to town. I don't travel at all so to go out by you will be more of a challange, but we can chat here for now. I'll let you know when I'm free.

As far as thinking wheather you want this marriage at all I think we all ask ourself's that same question. I remember when I would hear about this happening to someone else and I would say "Thats B*&*SH*& if you do that to me, don't let the door hit you in the A$$ on the way out". Now that it has I feel like it's my fault and that's why it happened it seems like I feel more guilty than she does. This really S*&ks.

Don't beat yourself up remember your the best he could ever hope for and he is feeling even more lost right now than you.

Thanks GH for the pep talk. You are a real cheerleader!
I am looking forward to my business trip tomorrow - I'll also get to see a girlfriend of my who lives in Greenwich - that should be nice.
I am nervous if he will respect my wishes to not come to the house or in the house until after I have left tomorrow AM. He is so selfish sometimes and I wonder if he understands.

I don't think he is missing me right now - he is missing OG - I e-mailed and spoke to her last week - gave her proof that he had been working on it with me while leading her to believe he hated me and wanted her to return (playing both sides of the fence) I e-mailed her my b-day card from him and photos from Thanksgiving & Christmas. She broke it off with him apparently, but I would be surprised if while he is away - he doesn't try to convince her to return.

I am in such an odd place right now and it is so foriegn to me.

How close are you to the city?

I understand what you mean by you thinking he is trying to get back with other woman. The same thing is happening to me. OM told her no I am not leaving my wife and kids, she then wrote a goodbye letter that I found, but she also wrote a love letter dated prior to the 2nd letter(Stay with me) Now she is acting like she has rejected him however she has not talked to him since she was in Hawaii, so I ask myself how did she end it, in her mind only, That's why I don't believe it yet. Same as you It is fustrating..................

We seem to be on the same roller coaster. I am about 30-40 minutes outside of greenich. I would have enjoyed meeting you but she will question where I am going. Lets try this on mon PM lets chat I will check my work scedule and I'll see if I can stop in the city by Wed.

Hang in there, Did you change the locks on the house? or if not set a broom stick from the front door to the base of the wall behind it and disconnect the electric plug to the garage door. If you need more suggestions to lock up your house I may be able to help Grew up in Newark so a manditory course in HS was "breaking and entering 101". LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Goodwife
I'll get back on in about two hours, the WW now wants to watch a movie with me.

P.S. But I'm always on her back and following her around. The FOG is thick tonight.
Funny I didn't see it on the forcast. HaHa!!

I used to keep a journal (more like a novel) and post here til the wee hours. Therapy 24/7.

I then found out just how much I could accomplish without an WS underfoot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Helped me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

<small>[ January 11, 2004, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

GH,
Look forward to chatting later
I'll be in Long Island tomorrow afternoon - nothing tomorrow night, Tues meetings - Tues night with friend, Wed leave LGA around noon.

There is so much to talk about back and forth - I read what you are going thru and I was just there moments ago.

I know what you mean about the trust issue (gas, tanning, etc.) I found that when you moved the focus off of I don't trust You - where were YOU and changed it to "It makes me feel uncertain when I don't know where you are. Next time could you possibly give me a call to let me know? I am trying hard to offer my trust, but am scared to be vulnerable" something like that

Another thing I was thinking about over dinner w/ kids - Since she is home and working on it with you - have you completed the Emotional Needs Surveys together? I found this was pretty enlightening and helped me with my Plan A. There were things he noted that I didn't know he needed and it help in adding to the Plan. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am afraid to even suggest the questionare. I think she will take it that I am trying to minipulate the situation. I have been waiting to see if she read that in the book then she may suggest it or understand why I would like to complete it.

Do you have an idea on how to approach it?
Or anyone else, I'm all ears.............

Hello Goodwife,
Hope your trip went well, and your days away even better. Now that your back to the grind remember to call only yourself for you will find your busy>>>>>>>>>>>.............. Ha Ha Smile!!!!!!!!

I would not know but some say it's going to get better. So keep the chin up and the sun glasses on for the bright days are around the corner.

I may sound corny but if it is at the expense of putting a smile on your face it was worth it.

Stay in touch, Your buddy from jersey.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks GH,
Your cornyness (is that a word?) is good - you are right - U R v.witty. It did make me laugh. I could call myself - I could also call his cell phone - he never answers that - so it would be the same thing UGGHGH - too much frustration - it comes out even when I am trying to laugh.

Plan B = fill all your time with fun, friends, baths, RED wine and good music
Plan B does not = seeing him or talking to him at all!!!! Wish he would GO AWAY

GW
Stick to that plan B, It will get better.
Keep the sunglasses on. Brighter days are coming.

Hope all is well.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />