iam so mad. my wife is having a affair with cowworker we do not live together when i exposed it to everyone . she get mad tells me that iam acting like a kid. she will not tell me anything about the affair. it is still going on she works with him. she will not talk with me and when she does its only about the kids and when i try to talk about the affair she hangs up on me on the phone. then if i go to her place she will not open the door or let me in. sometime she will not let me see the kids when she get mad at me.the om man is brought her a gift. i have 3kids and she is putting us though hell.iam in planA now but all she want to do is act like she on drugs when i see her and try to talk. anyone can you tell me what can i do to get her to talk in a nice way and tell me about the affair so i can get her to end it. iam at the end of my rope i getting sick and tired of trying to kiss her a@@. to be nice to me i didnt have the affair. the only way i talk to her now is email. tell me some thing i can write to her. she argue with me yestrday. everyone is telling me to stop being her doormat and divorce her but i love her and my kids. she tells my mom that iam not going to change and she is lonely but idid but she does not see it and s but she still lies about the affair. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> only way i talk to her now is email. tell me some thing i can write to her. please help.

eemd,

I understand your pain but you are going about it all wrong. What have you read from here?

Have you read the basic concepts section? The books His Needs/Her Needs, Surviving an Affair? Both are by Dr. Harley. Also get ahold of the book Love Must be Tough by Dr James Dobson. It is critical you understand and work with what you can fix and control and let go what you can't. Right now you can't control your WW (wayward wife) and so your focus s/b on you and the children. She chooses not to tell of the details of the A and right now even if she did you probably couldn't digest it without vomiting. Also she is not ready to give up the A. Read the books and see where you can improve yourself. The A is her creation and her problem. You need to realize your issues and needs and that of your children.

This is some straight talk but the sooner you get your head cleared up the sooner the pain will lessen and you will be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. When your W says she doesn't think you will change, don't argue, tell her probably. Don't commit to her and don't ask her to come home as she is. You don't want her attitude in your home as she is right? Then bring your children home and give them the love, time and attention they deserve. Let them be part of your support group.

See about getting with a good MC or do phone counseling with Steve, Jennifer or Cerri if you can. See about counseling for your children as needed.

Hope this helps. Take it 1 step at a time. Remember, don't try to reason with an illogical mind. Not yet...... anyways.

L.

thanks Orchid. she is mad she will not let me see the kids when i go to he place she will not let the kids come to the door or let me in.the om tell her all of this stuff to do to me sometimes if i go ther she will tell me she is going to call the cops.the om does not live with her. i expose the affair to family and friends and she even got madder. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hello,

Maybe its time to seek an attorney for advise.
The more you beg your wife the more disrespect she has for you. It seems she feels she can totally humiliate and disrespect you because she know there are no consequences to her actions. Seek an attorney for advice to understand your options otherwise there is no reason for her to change her behavior.

Best advice is to keep your distance. E-mails are less personal but just as effective (look at all the internet As - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). Anyway, e-mails were safer for me when dealing with the WS.

Don't go over and see her. Get a 3rd party to drop off and pick up the children. Let others be stuck with her stupidity. The more you try to fix it right now the worse you will be treated and look to others. You don't need to beg. Your real W would not want that right? This shell of a WS does relish your begging and will keep her anger up high in order to make you beg more. That is the A sickness that is so contrare to normal people.

Have you read any of the books I mentioned?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is a way to end an affair at work....it's called "exposure". Work related affairs have legal ramifications. Write to her boss and his boss (if they aren't the same) and expose this work related affair that puts the company at risk for litigation....inject some conflict and don't chicken out. Could she lose her job? You bet. But that is not your fault. Will she be angry? Of course she will....but that's not a good enough reason to let this continue when the future of three children hang in the balance.
this want someone on the just found out broad told me to do. do you think this is right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

this want someone on the just found out broad told me to do. do you think this is right.
Yes, BUT it is NOT something you should do until you understand Marriage Builders principles.
Cause when you expose it, lots of things will happen and you are not prepared until you KNOW what to do.

You want immediate results. Thisis understandable. But at this time, you do not seem ready to handle the fallout from exposing the affair.

thanks chris </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You want immediate results. Thisis understandable. But at this time, you do not seem ready to handle the fallout from exposing the affair. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what could be the fallout from exposing the affair i aready told family,friends. wife is mad. but this affair started at work so souldnt end there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

i talk to wife today and she tell me that i cannot come to 5s birthday because she does not want me around her. what shall i do. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Chris -CA123 You want immediate results. Thisis understandable. But at this time, you do not seem ready to handle the fallout from exposing the affair. so you tell me that dont contact the job and what could be the fallout. as long as she works there the affair wont end or will it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

so you tell me that dont contact the job and what could be the fallout.
Her screaming and yelling at you and you love busting back.
Don't do it. Under any circumstances.

as long as she works there the affair wont end or will it.
Maybe, maybe not.

Are you a "safe place" for her to come back to right now? Could you listen to ANYTHING she has to say and not get upset (love bust) about it?

iam in a safe place but she is so mad. i cannot talk to. and as long as she work there she will have the affair. how could it end why she is work there.

iam in a safe place but she is so mad.
Not that you are IN a safe place but that you ARE a safe place for her to be. She needs to feel secure around you.
You will not hurt her feelings nor be mean to her in any way. She needs to feel comfortable around you.

You need to make sure you do nothing to make her mad.

<small>[ January 13, 2004, 05:11 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Keep your distance. If she is angry better let the OM deal with it than you and the children.

Can you do that?

The problem is the kids live with her.

Also we need to keep in mind that her anger is also part of the WS script.

Picking fignts,seeing the BS as all bad, etc, in order to justify staying in the A.

Chris, of course, is correct! The important thing now is for you not to fail like she wants you to and get mad. She wants you to fail and LB in order to continue her rationalization for the A.

My FWH did the same stuff. Tried to stay mad with me all the time. I learned not to let it get to me.

i seen wife today and she was with om. and i want to talk to her and the om want to fight. and my wife told him no. i wish i didnt see that.

i seen wife with om today and when i want to talk to her the om man wanted to fight. wife told him no.this guy works with her sould i let the company know. iknow it will be a big lb. but as long as she is there see will be with om. she is to mad at me no matter what. i dont think she angry with om man at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

posted January 19, 2004 03:24 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EEMD Have you read anything that people have been posting to you....
about your children...

any feed back...
all your posts are focused on just your wife and the OM....

what have you done for the children and to bring stability to them...
please stick with me on that thought....


ofcourse exposing your wifes affair at work will be PERCEIVED as lovebusting....but that is not what is the rational behind exposure...

please please please can we talk about your children...and figure out a way for you to be a stable influence in their chaotic world....

ark.... this is about the sixth attempt at this topic and trying to get you in some semblence of control and balance....please can we start with the kids....

thanks ark the kids are doing fine she doing her part with them and they where with me this weekend and things are fine with them but15 d know the om is seeing her mom.