I am interested in attending a marriage weekend workshop with my WS, but am worried about asking her to go. I don't want to push her and have her recoil as she has in the past. Any suggestions on how I should handle this one? Good ways to approach her? Bad ways to avoid?

Thank you for you wisdom and ideas.

If she is still in the affair, not much you can do.

Why not go yourself?

WS might not be with OM anymore. After our last meeting, I felt like she was coming around a little toward our marriage again. Anyway...assuming she is done with him and considering me, how would you suggest I approach this?

Neb:

Someone had posted a beautiful letter on one of the boards asking her WH to attend a MB Weekend with her - wish I could remember which forum that was in!

A nice letter might be the way to go, though. Write out a loving note expressing your desire to work through this and suggest the workshop. Stress the location of the workshop (Orlando? San Fran? Both are fun tourist cities! Is one of these the workshop you're referring to?) and offer suggestions on non-workshop activities you could do together while there. Perhaps "selling" the idea to her as simply some private time away together instead of detailing the actual workshop aspect of it might be easier for her to accept? (After all, "workshop" does begin with the word "work!")

Just an idea I swiped from another member...

Good luck to you. Hope you can get her to go!

'considering you' isn't good enough. only when she has decided to commit to your marriage can you discuss such things.

first things first.

The letter sounds like a possible good idea. I will write one and see if I then want to give it to her or express it in person. If nothing else it will help me get clear in my head what and how I want to say things. What should I say and not say?...that is the question.

The workshop I am considering states that the most common scenerio is when a couple come and one of them is not sure what the want. The purpose of the workshop is to try and help them figure that out and see what truly is possible or not.

That is whay I think the workshop idea might be okay even if she is only considering me now.

So what are some do's and don't's when approaching her about this?

Neb:

I'm not sure, at this point, that I agree with whippit:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whippit:
<strong> 'considering you' isn't good enough.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I *do* think that WS's flip-flop back-and-forth trying to figure out what they want, and that they say things in anger, frustration and fear without really thinking. I believe it *is* appropriate for you to invite her to the workshop, but I would be very careful about the way you word your invitation. It is for that reason I thought the letter (more specifically, a very LOVING letter) might be a good idea.

In person, you may become flustered when making your request or get angry if she appears uninterested... and that would definitely not benefit your cause.

However you choose to broach the subject, be sure you present it in the spirit of compassion... but without being too "mushy" or "wimpy".

Tricky indeed. I suspect there will be several "rough drafts!" My heart goes out to you.

a seminar is a big deal and will likely be perceived as an attempt to change her mind or overtly influence her--an lb to say the least. i'm not sure there's any way that a request to attend it will do much of anything that results in your desired goal. be patient. if she's considering coming back to you, then now is the time to run a solid plan A ... which should avoid lb's.

<small>[ January 11, 2004, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: whippit ]</small>

Is there anything I can do then? It seems like anything I do to try and get her to work things out would be a LB. Do I have to just wait and hope?...I know, I know...I need to focus on myself. Truth is, I am, but I am still waiting and hoping at the same time. What can I do...if anything...to actively save my marriage?