Can someone please help me with this one, we have been in recovery for 2 years, hubby had a EA wich turned PA for 5 weeks. Tonight we had friends arrive from interstate which we have not seen for 12 months, hubby as they were leaving kissed our lady friend full on the lips, I pecked her hubby on the cheek and said nice to see you!
When I told hubby that what he did was upsetting to me and askred him why he did that, he pretended like he didn't know what I was on about, then when I said "You don't kiss me on the lips, it's always on the forehead nose, or cheek" he said "You don't either"! To me this indicates he knew what he was doing. Am I over reacting? I told him that he should never kiss anybody on the lips except his wife, friends should be kissed impersonally on the cheek. He went to bed after telling me "You enjoy being hurt" when I asked him to explain, he said I must enjoy beingh hurt as it gives me the opportunity to give him a hard time????????

I must be bloody stupid, because I don't understand this logic.
I am so upset and am starting to wonder if I am the one with a hangup.

Thanks in advance for your answers to this question.

I give up, I don't know if it is worth continuing with this marriage! He is so cruel with his words at times that I feel that he does not give a razoo about his past actions. He has just thrown in my face the fact that last Wed I asked him to go to the docs for a test for prostrate problems as it is not normal to spend so long in the toilet as he does, he believes (He just told me) that I have another agenda and I want him to have the tests because I think he is mastubating in the toilet! What a load of crap!!!!!!! I am seriously concerned for his health, and what he just said is insulting beyond words.

I give up!

The kiss on the lips might be just something he learned from family of origin. Many people do that- it is hard for me to watch because in my family we never did that - ever.

He needs to get prostate checked quickly. I know 3 men that are battling prostate cancer and it is not pleasant. Make an appointment for him and insist he get over his denial and go.

You are being a good wife - take his complaints with a grain of salt.

Maybe he IS masturbating in the toilet.

I know for me, many times I would kiss wife on the cheek and NOT do things because I wanted her to do them. I would sometimes talk about it just to let her know that I do like the things, but I would try and get her to do it. It may sound weird to you, but it seems as though he is trying to get you to be proactive and do things and he refuses to have to ask you, "Can you kiss me on the lips more, please?"

Some men, I know I am one, HATE to have to ask for affection. Sometimes I feel I would rather go without than to have to ask. Maybe this is your hubby's way of getting your attention and having you do what he wants you to do.

Thank you all so much for your advise and input.
Hubby and I sat down and talked this morning, he said that he simply did not even realise that he kissed her on the lips, said it meant nothing to him and was simply clumsy. He said he was sorry for the hurtful things he said. I told him that the things he say's to me in anger are more painful than what has happened in the past as this is the future and we are trying to move on from hurt. He has agreed to go for the test and asked me to make the doctors appointment, he said that he was afraid of the results and that was why he said what he did because he too is worried that he has a problem and it has been worrying him for some time.
I will make the appt and I told him I will go with him and we will handle whatever comes together. He seemed relieved about that.
Again, thanks for your replies.

mtheart,
Good for you that your H agreed to see a doctor. I am in the medical profession, so let me tell you that just because a man had difficulty going to the bathroom, it isn't always a major problem. Sometime a simple medical exam and medication will do the trick. But it is definately something that should be check out and taken care of. GOOD LUCK to you both!!