Happy New Year, everyone. Well, I see a lot of old names have disappeared, and new names are posting. How does the old saying go? La plus que ca change, etc.

My beloved began divorce proceedings Dec. 3. I still haven't been served (they tried over Christmas, but I asked the attorney, a friend, to open his heart to Tiny Tim and not serve me during the holidays). In a bizarre twist, OW and H have exchanged wedding rings. OW approached me to show friendly. Yuck!

As always, I see them around. They see me around. OW doesn't look all that happy; in fact, she's looking rather odd and hunted. H did one of his bizarre acts of making sure I see him during a time I was talking unobtrusively with a very handsome man. Maybe he felt some residual threat...who knows? For me, it's like looking at the shameful electrified corpse of what was once your husband.

But whenever H and OW see me, no matter how twisted they look, they always make a show of public affection -- smackers, adoring glances, etc. -- in front of me. They have no reason to believe this doesn't hurt. In fact, it doesn't. At this point, I wouldn't give a monkey's if they performed oral sex in front of me. Why do they bother? What's in it for them?

Most of my friends have sucked up to the new couple. I don't keep track anymore. But if I'm not mistaken, after the initial acceptance phase, she still seems pretty marginal and alone. Not because of the A, but because she's weird. When she speaks in public, the room shudders. OW's D and SIL don't seem to be much around them much anymore as support staff, either. Reportedly, she is only here for a "visit," and won't be staying. Well, I guess this is a relationship that works best with distance, and they can keep it alive that way -- which will mean that they will marry.

We still have family dinners with his kids and mine once a week -- I've managed to keep the family going (his kids are over 18), and that was important to me. We never mention H's name, as I don't want them to feel conflicted loyalties. I get the feeling he doesn't see them much, though. I've even begun a rapprochement over Christmas with the oldest son, who is closest to his dad. As he lives farthest away, this has been more difficult. This small success has made me very happy.

And, in true MB fashion, I'm avoiding the beautiful young man mentioned earlier, who has been a major and welcome distraction in the last month. Relationship is not romantic, well, only maybe quasi-so...but geez, after looking at my H for the last year, this man is really gorgeous to look at! It is wonderful to know someone who is not associated with all this history and pain.

Redhat, could you send the names of the atty's who gave you free consultation to my private addy? I'm told that's not standard practice over here. Because of the way this has been done, it's been suggested I don't need an attorney, but that I should at least consult with one to make sure.

I'd welcome all thoughts, opinions, and hellos after a long hiatus. I don't see this moving anyway. Really, H and OW seem like such sh**ty people. I'm sorry H has made the decisions he has, because I have loved him very deeply, but more and more happy that I'm out of it.

<small>[ January 22, 2004, 11:39 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

wow! You are an amazing person!

I cannot imagine seeing my wife with the OM, and she knows it! I think I will really go over the edge if I were to see them out somewhere together. Just thinking about as I type this is making me want to vomit and just burst. You are amazing to be able to see it and not go crazy. I admire you.

AM,
Well, at least your village knows where its idiots are...the ones who are pretending polygamy & nonlegal marriage is okey dokey.

When I was looking for a divorce lawyer, most I called offered one free consultation. I suspect that may vary in location.

AM you are showing grace & wisdom in your circumstances, I'm sure there is a great contrast from you to the OW and she isn't likely to gain in her marginal status.

Hello Lor! I would have put you in the subject header line, too, but I didn't know how much you are around nowadays! I lurk occasionally.

Thanks for the kind words, Lor & Solon.

I have a "good friend" who insists on talking about this stuff in public -- he means well, I know. But mostly I am just trying to duck.

The strange behavior is likely to attract bigger bullets than mine. Best for me to lie low, and wait for this to attract the big guns.

Beautiful young men are dangerous. And beautiful. And dangerous.

Difficult to see the distinction sometimes, of course, but I'm thinking you're still married, so best to err on the side of dangerous. yes, I know, you said you are. Still, "quasi-semi-partially-romantic" means you're not listening to your red flags. (Yes, I know, one doesn't listen to red flags, but hey, let's go with the flow and all.)

And ALL of that is besides the point. What's the point? Well, heck, it's a big ole GIGANTIC hug for ya, AM, because you are one incredibly amazing woman.

What red flags? He's drop-dead, knock-your-socks-off gorgeous!

<small>[ January 13, 2004, 01:54 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong>Redhat, could you send the names of the atty's who gave you free consultation to my private addy?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think I have your email addy I will get it from Orchid.

Gosh ... boy toys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

-rh-

You wouldn't be such a bad boy toy yourself, Redhat.

Thanks for the email. I'll call the lawyers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong> You wouldn't be such a bad boy toy yourself, Redhat.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ... This is the first time someone call me a boy toy ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .

Good luck on your attn. search.

-rh-

A.M.,

Just wanted to say hi. I haven't been on in awhile. I'm glad to say that I've gotten over my addiction to MB.... (but I'm here now).

I'm sorry your situation is what it is. Mostly, I don't offer any advice to anybody anymore.

My situation is mixed. Mostly better, but with the usual ups and downs - which have nothing (apparently) to do with OM.

-AD

Good to hear from you, AD! I'll send you an email shortly.

A.M. Sorry to see you headed for divorce.

You have given me good advice and support in the past which I greatly appreciate. Take care of yourself.

AM,

How R U doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Oh, auto, it's not so bad, really. That's the joy of Plan B. It really did allow me to disconnect, even in a situation where I am constantly running into them. His health is crummy, he's disabled, and has a sexual addiction. Am I really losing that much? I loved him -- but love isn't supposed to be self-immolation.

Orchid, the rumor that OW had left town again wasn't quite true. Saw her sourpuss face last night. H did one of his weird things of approaching me in a way I couldn't avoid being aware of him. I kept my eyes studiously on my program notes. The guy has filed for D. What more does he want? OW seemed to be avoiding H. She looked grim. What a mess.

But it's no longer my mess. The best revenge of all: she gets to keep him.

Oh boy. Talk about awful!

Attending a public event with my teenage stepkids. (They were attending to watch a friend of theirs perform.) Who should arrive but H and OW. After making a big show of where to sit, looking up and down the aisles, OW points to where we are sitting. Half the room inwardly gasps. He wouldn't do it, would he?

He did. He mooshed. So, with many seats to choose from, they plant their blooming arses directly in front of us. I couldn't see the stage without looking over H's shoulder.

It was crude. It was tacky. It was vulgar. But what burned me is that it put the kids in an intolerable position of having to choose between us -- a sitch I've been conscientiously avoiding. I continued to smile and did nothing -- what could I do? If I moved, it would make the kids feel even more awkward -- it would be participating in the "scene." The kids followed my lead. OW cuddled with H in front of us. They left after their friends performed, and went back to my place for dinner (I joined an hour later).

Of course I didn't bring it up with them, though I was concerned about how they were handling this emotionally. Anything I said would be dissing their dad, and I won't do that.

But we had a good time at my place before they went to their apartment.

Oh dear. This is one of those situations where either you see the completely ridiculous in it and you laugh, or you see the completely tragic in it and you cry.

Since I've had my fill of tears for the week, I laughed. What an utterly outrageous and ridiculouus situation. Snuggling RIGHT iN FRONT OF YOU AND HIS KIDS?????????????

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Good heavens. Don't they have anyone ELSE they can be exhibitionists with?