My wife and I have had our ups and downs. My primary problem being her jealousy and hers being my lack of emotion.

She wants to start trying to have a baby this Spring. This would be her second child(previous marriage)if she were to get pregnant. She's 31 and feels if she is going to she better do it now because she will be past her prime birthing age. She would like to have 2 more children.

All of a sudden I'm not sure if I want to have kids. We have quite a few issues in the marriage right now and I feel happy with my step daughter. I don't know what to do. I feel like she would be devastated if I told her. She is finally taking off in her career and I'm switching careers right now. We both for the first time have a little extra money and are able to do things. If we have more children that will be out for a long time. Am I being extremely selfish? Is it a commitment issue on my part?

To have a child is very very serious and I don't want to mess up. I know if I did I would love he/she with all my heart.

One quick thought: when you discuss this with your wife eventually, make it very very very clear that your commitment to HER is not in question, but rather your wish for time, income, leisure, etc., in both of your lives. Given the problems you mention on both sides, your questions are likely to exacerbate her insecurities.

alx, I wouldn't rush having a child. Like you said, it is SERIOUS business. I was a teacher, and I didn't even realize the destruction that 2 kids could have on a M if you aren't expecting it. You can make it work great - but it is infinitely harder than without them. I would write up a list of pros and cons before you talk to your W so you know exactly where you stand on everything. That will make it easier for W to understand. I always felt a little mislead by society as to how difficult (and expensive) it is to have and raise children - don't get me wrong - I love mine dearly, and wouldn't trade them, but no way would I have any more.

Also, if you are a bit shakey on the M relationship, I would make sure that is on square ground first. You don't want one of you leaving when the other is pregnant, or with a small child, etc. It's not fair to the child.

Felina

Alx,

I understand your concerns about have a baby right now. You and your wife have to decide together to become parents. I can tell you from my experience that while children are the greatest gift of love, they are also extremely stressful on a relationship.

I had our first child at 34 and our last at 36 and everything was okay. So, you do have a little time to decide. Without a doubt, a child will be the best thing you have done in your life. It can't heal problems in a relationship, It can make them worse. We always had some problems, but they got totally out of control when we became parents. We were so used to being a couple we didn't know how to relate to eachother as parents. We blew it and my husband had an affair. Now, we are learning to be a couple and parents at the same time. That being said, we are crazy about our kids, and have never regreted them.