Me: 34
Husband: 40 married twice before
Relationship: 9yrs
Married: 5yrs
No Kids

2 Years ago I found out my H had had an affair. We decided to work through our problems.

A year later my H had a break down and walked out of his job and our home. I didn't know where he was and it was a month before I found him. He had gone to OW because he had no where else to go.

Started talking again and he came home in March. Things were good although we had to deal with OW texting him which was hard. In October he took me to New York for my birthday.

The following week he left me for OW. OW has pulled loads of tricks to get H. Said me or my family threatened her. She was getting annoymous calls. She was called while we were on hols in Spain to say we were so happy celebrating our anniversary and renewing our vows. We were in Spain (Im sure he let that slip) but we didn't go til after our anniversary and we weren't renewing our vows. And that while H had taken me to NY for birthday she was threatened by someone saying not to mess with me or my family or else. You think we were the Mafia or something - horses heads come to mind LOL. What annoys me is that he believed her.

We kept talking and seeing each other to try and figure out where we were going. Suprise visited him on his 40th birthday in Nov. Was angry at first. Talked and cried a lot. Decided it would best we split. I told him to organise divorce really hoping this would shock him into coming home. Before I went him he kissed me and asked me to give him 2 weeks to finish her patio. I said yes. Talked some more over the 2 weeks. Then nothing happen. H became illusive again. Again I paid suprise visit to get things finalised. Again he asked me to give him more time. When we are together things are great.

Asked me to Manchester where he was working - very nervous. Had great weekend FULLY. Last day had big R talk. He said it would be better for me if we split. I agreed although I didn't mean it. Told me he loved me. I got upset H hugged and comforted me. Gave him back my ring (not that I meant it) He completely broke down. Said it wasnt this hard with last W. Took this as a sign he wasn't sure. He went out to get a drink while I stayed in room. Came back 5 mins later saying I was his wife it would be hard but we'd try. He'd finish with OW. Put my ring back on my finger.

Then when he went to finish with OW couldn't said he realised he loved her. Spent Christnmas and New Year with her. Now using her home as his base (works all over the mainland)

H has contacted a lawyer and filed for divorce on grounds of separation for 2 years which is untrue. Although H worked away from home 6months of last year on the mainland and had been seeing OW he has still been using our house as home and we have had a full R. Mail etc coming here.

At the minute I am in hell. I am in so much PAIN so confused so lonely and down and miss him so much. I am not ready for a D yet and need time to grieve I think we both do. I know he still loves me but finds it hard to talk to me.

As he's working away the only way I can talk to him is by phone which he only answers when he wants so very littl ecommunication.

Could someone please help me. I want to save my marriage. Those vows mean a lot to me. How can I get through to him what he's throwing away. Why can't he see through her lies?

always hope, I've been gone from MB for a while so don't know your sitch. Have you done a good Plan A? Did you expose affair? Have you read up on Harley's concepts?

Gosh, I feel like we can almost have the same story. Believe me "I KNOW" Everything your feeling, I've been in this nightmare for 15 months and finally last night I said "That's it"! Is there hope? I do think if you have "Hope", The real hope then everything is possible.

I can't give you much advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , but I'm here if you need to vent! And Vent away you may! Even though I say, "I'M DONE w/ him her and this roller coaster", it's hard and lonely. Your OW sounds like my OW, YIKES! I am also 34 and have never been alone, it's not only scary but I also get so lonely. Please keep yourself busy and post or email me at marlynshopgrl@aol.com, if you just need someone to vent to.

Good luck and my prayers are with you!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Marilyn

Gosh, I feel like we can almost have the same story. Believe me "I KNOW" Everything your feeling, I've been in this nightmare for 15 months and finally last night I said "That's it"! Is there hope? I do think if you have "Hope", The real hope then everything is possible.

I can't give you much advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , but I'm here if you need to vent! And Vent away you may! Even though I say, "I'M DONE w/ him her and this roller coaster", it's hard and lonely. Your OW sounds like my OW, YIKES! I am also 34 and have never been alone, it's not only scary but I also get so lonely. Please keep yourself busy and post or email me at marlynshopgrl@aol.com, if you just need someone to vent to.

Good luck and my prayers are with you!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Marilyn

Time for Plan B I think. When WS can't choose between BS and OW, and you are giving up hope, try Plan B to protect your love for him. In Plan B WS has to get all needs met by OP. I took my H 3 months to realize what he was losing. And I am in a much better frame of mind to really decide if I want him back or not. I am not desperate and hurting anymore.

So read all of the information here. It really does work for your benefit, whether WS comes back or not.