here's the deal:
my gf (we've been basically married in all respects save legal) and i have been together for nearly 5 years now. we're 25 and 26, respectively. it's been up and it's been down, but overall it's been worth it, and we've stuck together. we have a little boy, he's 3.
we've had brief splits, for a month or so here and there, in which one of us left (and of course came back). those times have always seemed like they were "the end", but never were. so last summer, we moved into a place across the street from a much older fellow. i worked a lot, she was at home with our kid all the time. i'm friendly with the neighbors, but she started to be much more friendly, as in basically ignoring me and hanging out over there, drinking, etc, etc, and refusing to come home "until she was ready". pretty tense situation. i asked her over and over, what's going on, don't lie to me, don't bs me like this, i know something is up. i'm not stupid. so eventually this stress and the fighting just reached a point, and i left with our son. everything was moved out of the apartment and she began hanging around with the guy, sometimes on the street, sometimes just crashing wherever. eventually she got an apartment, and denied that he would be staying there. our son is not allowed around this man by court order.
of course he was staying with her on and off, and around dec. 1st, she was broke, he was not really around too much or couldn't come up with money (or didn't want to come up with money) to fund her. she called me, wanted to come stay with me, which she did. said "i wanna work it out", but never really did, i don't think. she left about 9 days later, and came back a few days later. i asked her to finally come clean with this stuff, what was going on. she said she'd slept with him, things went a lot further than they had both wanted, she was sorry, crying, calling herself a whore and everything else. it was a lot for me to handle hearing her tell me the truth that i already knew. i told her that if she wanted anything to do with me anymore, she had to cut him out of her life. that man and i cannot coexist in it.
she said she wanted to leave for a bit, go visit a friend in another state for a while to clear her head and get out of the situation for a while. so she did, the next day or so.
we didn't speak for a few weeks, nothing at all. i continued caring for our child. she called on christmas and the next day, but it was just arguing. so we continued not speaking. she called several times just after the beginning of the year, but i didn't get the phone. i held off for 3 days, then called her back.
she said she was really sorry. she'd screwed up, i'd screwed up (i know i did, neglect!), and she wanted to be a family more than anything. so we had some long conversations over the phone for several days until things were in place for me to go and pick her up (4 hours away), which i did last friday.
so, now we're back. right now we're staying in a motel until we find a new house/apartment, cuz we'd like to live in another city about 50 miles from where we lived before. she's sworn off any contact with him for good, tho i'm trying to weigh out how honest she is being. our love for each other is still there, but muted. the affection is slowly coming back, but it's still a long way to go. our child is very happy to have both of us, and it shows, but i don't want this to be "just for the kid". i have emotional needs too, as does she, and we complemented each other very very well in the past. how do i determine if she's really committed to this? how do i know?
it does feel more real than when she came around a few months ago. much more. i've asked her over and over, are you sure, is this really what you want. she says yes, it is. i've told her that i don't want it to be fake, if it's gonna be its a path to disaster again, and it's not good for any of us. she assures me that its real. i'm just paranoid and still lacking in trust, as i'm sure she is. we had it, and we want it back.
