In previous posts I had told you all of my inner struggle with feelings for OM, and that he had contacted me last week. REALLY affected me.

I have been struggling with this for a week. So many of you told me I have to be honest. On the other hand, friends and people who know H advised me not to tell. So, I struggled very much! I prayed and prayed on what to do. I also know that contact messed with my head and hurt the progress H and I are making..(HUGE FOR ME TO SEE)

There is so much going on in our M right now. We are trying to overcome and change years of verbal and emotinoal abuse. I am NOT trying to justify my EA, I just want you to understand some of my fears, and why this is all so complicated. When we started MC before we separated, both mc's (he didn't like the first so he found another) knew of the EA. They both said I would eventually have to tell him, but he wasn't ready at that point. Unfortunatly we never got far enouph to deal with the EA. Actually had filed for D and thought we were over. Since have reconciled...

I finally told him last night. I opened my heart to him, and I feel he to me. It hurt him that I answered the call and asked me why. I was honest with him. I asked him how this helped, to tell him this when it hurt him. He said that he would just always wonder if he didn't know that this had run it's course. That he knew me and knew that I felt so bad that OM was going through D and that he knew that I would answer if he called.

I told him I want to be his best friend and he mine. That we needed to make each other feel "safe" to be honest. That if I want this complete honesty, that I have to give it. I don't think he has been completely honest with me about the past, but I hope he can be some day. I know sharing feelings is so hard for him, but I also see him trying.

I haven't sent a NC letter, but I left him a message that I was going to make my marraige work, that I was going to do whatever it takes, and that we can have NC. Told my H that and he liked that, but is still concerned that he may call again. I don't think so, but told him I would be honest.

We have MC tonight, each alone. I will go in with an open heart and mind. This is his C and I have never been alone. I met with my own C for the year we were separated. She knew all the details of my EA and just how much it affected my life. I will be honest with this mc so that he can help up along.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sohard:
<strong> In previous posts I had told you all of my inner struggle with feelings for OM, and that he had contacted me last week. REALLY affected me.

I have been struggling with this for a week. So many of you told me I have to be honest. On the other hand, friends and people who know H advised me not to tell. So, I struggled very much! I prayed and prayed on what to do. I also know that contact messed with my head and hurt the progress H and I are making..(HUGE FOR ME TO SEE)

There is so much going on in our M right now. We are trying to overcome and change years of verbal and emotinoal abuse. I am NOT trying to justify my EA, I just want you to understand some of my fears, and why this is all so complicated. When we started MC before we separated, both mc's (he didn't like the first so he found another) knew of the EA. They both said I would eventually have to tell him, but he wasn't ready at that point. Unfortunatly we never got far enouph to deal with the EA. Actually had filed for D and thought we were over. Since have reconciled...

I finally told him last night. I opened my heart to him, and I feel he to me. It hurt him that I answered the call and asked me why. I was honest with him. I asked him how this helped, to tell him this when it hurt him. He said that he would just always wonder if he didn't know that this had run it's course. That he knew me and knew that I felt so bad that OM was going through D and that he knew that I would answer if he called.

I told him I want to be his best friend and he mine. That we needed to make each other feel "safe" to be honest. That if I want this complete honesty, that I have to give it. I don't think he has been completely honest with me about the past, but I hope he can be some day. I know sharing feelings is so hard for him, but I also see him trying.

I haven't sent a NC letter, but I left him a message that I was going to make my marraige work, that I was going to do whatever it takes, and that we can have NC. Told my H that and he liked that, but is still concerned that he may call again. I don't think so, but told him I would be honest.

We have MC tonight, each alone. I will go in with an open heart and mind. This is his C and I have never been alone. I met with my own C for the year we were separated. She knew all the details of my EA and just how much it affected my life. I will be honest with this mc so that he can help up along. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good for you! All the best and best wishes from me.

I am proud of you for being courageous! Keep up the good work.