My wifes father was an alcoholic. Does anyone know were I can find information on her realationship with him and how it impacts our relationship.?

Al-Anon I think would be your better choice.

AL-ANON WEB PAGE

AA Resources

Also, there have been numerous articles, support groups, and studies on "Adult Children of Alcoholics". It's only been in the last 30-40 years that scientists and doctors have confirmed the connection between behavior of the child (as an adult) and that of his/her alcoholic parents. Understanding the nature of this will certainly help you help your wife (and help her understand herself, too). I'm speaking from personal experience.

The links that Matilde gave are the best place to start, but there is a lot of info out there, possibly even a group meeting in your town.

<small>[ January 15, 2004, 07:18 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

This may be helpful

Janet Woititz wrote a book called Adult Children of Alcoholics copyright 1983 published by Health Communications, Inc. Through her researh Woititz determined thirteen characteristics common to most ACA's. They:

*guess what is normal
*Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
*lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
*judge themselves w/o mercy.
*have difficulty having fun.
*take themselves very seriously.
*have difficulty with intimate relationships
*overreact to changes they cannot control.
*constantly seek approval and affirmation.
*feel they are different from other people.
*are extreamly loyal even in the face of evidence the loyalty is undeserved.
*either super responsible or irresponsible.
*they are impulsive, tend to lock themselves in a course of action w/o giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion,self loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition they spend an excessvive ammount of energy trying to cleaning up the mess.
Also

http://www.adultchildren.org/

http://www.recovery.org/acoa/acoa.html

http://www.intac.com/~woy/drwoititz/source.htm

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/adult/

http://www.drjan.com/

I hope these help

H

More

This is on the websites above

The following are some of the characteristics, agreed upon
by one Alanon-Acoa group, that result in problems in our lives.

a. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures;

b. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process;

c. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism;

d. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another
compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick
abandonment needs;

e. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by
that weakness in our love and friendship relations;

f. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier
for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables
us not to look too closely at our faults, etc.

g. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of
giving in to others;

h. We became addicted to excitement;

i. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity"
and "rescue";

j. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have
lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts
so much; (DENIAL)

k. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem;

l. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and
will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience
painful abandonment feelings which we received from living
with sick people who were never there emotionally for us;

m. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took
on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up
the drink;

n. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

H

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