My dearest XX,

I love you as I always have. When we married I thought it would be forever and have never considered that we would be apart one day. The thought that we may not grow old together,(pointing our rocking chairs to the west) truly leaves me feeling pain, as the mere thought itself, fills me with sadness. We have had great times and we had bad times, but we always had each other.

On Aug 1st 1998, was the day I became KING!! That promise I gave to you, was for life. This King in me while we were out together, I was so proud, as it felt wonderful to have you with me. In ways it brought out the silly boy in me. 'I couldn't keep it all in,," Still, I left you with the thought of me being a flirt. For this, I’m sorry. You need to know that I always honored and cherished our wedding vows, in all ways possible.

I'll always cherish our memories of our family outings (especially at the park by the rivers edge), Indiana Beach, Sports Complex, just mentioning a few. Our wedding anniversary, when I had the reaction to the shrimp, all of that day, I will always cherish.. Especially the day I placed you in the heart, on the beach. This is etched, in my heart. That was "our" heart.

I know that you've expressed that you were unhappy for a long time. I'm aware that my behavior in the past contributed in part to your unhappiness and the emotional estrangement between us. While striving to meet the needs of our family I have missed meeting your needs. I sincerely apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that hurt our relationship. I foolishly pursued "my" family commitment thinking I was doing the right thing for you, us, and our family, without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I managed to leave the wrong impression, that they were more important. You have to know I truly believed my commitment to our family was important, for you.

I've worked very hard this past year to overcome that behavior. I've made changes in my life that are permanent, as I continue to be a better person daily. I have tried the best that I know how to express my love for you and my desire to have you in my life as my wife again. I could hold on, making a nuisance of myself but I love you too much. I just really needed you to know how sorry I am for all the mistakes that I made and how much I still love you. They say that we should learn from our mistakes, and I know that’s true but I just wish the lesson didn’t cost so much, especially to our children.

I've suffered tremendous pain from seeing our marriage fall apart, with our separation and our impending divorce, but I never stopped loving you and I never forgot what a wonderful person you are and how much joy you brought me. I was proud, to have you as my wife. That gave me strength and hope to go on. However you've made it clear all you want is divorce.

I do not want this divorce. I want to be your husband, in every sense of the word. I want to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, and share the joy of raising our family with you, the way God had planned. I want to grow old with you, and watch the "Green Grass Grow."
As much as I want this, you have made it clear that you don't, and as long as you feel this way, I cannot be a part of your life except as the father of our children, it is simply too painful.

To preserve my love for you and to avoid further unnecessary pain I need to stop all communications with you. I'm not suggesting this to hurt, or punish you. I know that it’s likely you won’t believe that this is not meant as a punishment or an attempt to trick you. But this is honestly not about you. It’s not meant as any ultimatum. It’s only to preserve the love from within myself. It’s difficult for me to see you, and even hear your voice, as I’m aware I’ll continue to push and allow myself to become sappy on occasion. I can’t just be your friend. I love you too much. It hurts too much. I'm aware my being true to my emotions has left you feeling bothered and confused, and lately many of our conversations seem to degrade in to arguments. Therefore I need to avoid all communications in order to preserve the love I have for you. I've made arrangements for you to go through XXX .You can e-mail her from the convenience of your home with regards to exchanging the children or other matters. In the event of a true emergency with our children, you can still contact me directly.

I ask that you respect my decision. If ever you do choose to come back and work on our marriage, I want to know that you have done it because of your free choice, not because you have felt pressured into doing so. If you still care about me at all, please allow me the space I need to heal and move on. I do not wish to communicate with you directly as I feel that it will be too hurtful and stressful for both of us. I hope with all my heart and soul that you will come back to me, us, and our family one day.

I love you XXX, you will always be very special to me.

"I WISH" JoDee Massina

It's not easy saying this to you
it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do
But girl before you go
I want you to know

Chorus
I wish you strength
When times are hard
Oh I wish with all my heart you find what
You're looking for
I wish you joy
I wish you peace
And that every star you see is within your reach
And I wish you still loved me

I wish things were different you know that
But I'm still happy for the time we had
You meant the world to me
Baby please believe

Repeat Chorus

Losing you is tearing me apart
But part of me will be with you
No matter where you are

Repeat Chorus


Love, XX

I'm getting mixed opinions and would appreciate some help with this PBL. We actually have whittled it down from it's original 4 pages, but many are saying it's still too long and sentimental. I tried not to change much wording so that the letter actually reads as his, and not a form letter.

Thanks!!

Pretty good.

Leave this out
However you've made it clear all you want is divorce.

I do not want this divorce.
No need to mention it at all.

Kill "Therefore I need to avoid all communications in order to preserve the love I have for you" and "If you still care about me at all, please allow me the space I need to heal and move on. I do not wish to communicate with you directly as I feel that it will be too hurtful and stressful for both of us." They repeat (and therefore weaken) statements already made in the letter. There might be some other points of repetition you might want to tighten.

I'd leave off the rock songs, too. They aren't as strong as your own words.

Thanks for the suggestions. We'll tighten up the part about no communication. Every time he backs off and tries to be more distant, she accuses him of punishing her. I think that's why I allowed so much sentimentality and focus on his pain. I don't think she gets at all how much he's hurting.

Is the length ok? I had several other people all say it was way too long? It's 1/3 of what he originally wrote, so it seemed good! If we dropped the song it would shorten it up.

BUMP for more opinions. Thanks!!