My H has been trying to reconcile. He told me there has been NC with OW. I asked him to write a NC letter. He said it was pointless, he completely ended it with her. I told him I needed it for me. He still said it was pointless.

He has had NC with OW for 10 days. You won't believe what happened. Tonight I was at the store looking for shoes with a friend. On the way home I noticed that OW was gone. I do not know where WH is living. I knew the general area, but that is it. So I decided to drive around and see if I could find out. I left home at 7:15. As I was driving I prayed. I told the Lord if there is something I need to know, please lead me to WH's house. I drove around for about 10 minutes, and saw his truck. Also parked on the street was the OW's car.

I went up to the house and rang the doorbell. WH's roommate answered it. I told him I was looking for L%%%%%. He said he might be sleeping. I followed him up the stairs and knocked on the door to the bedroom. I called my H's name. I said it is your wife. He said that he and OW would be out in a minute. I said "forget it you liar" and left.

I can't believe this happened, but really feel it was the Lord letting me know that I cannot trust this man.

Is anyone up? I need some support right away.

Dear Believer,

I certainly hear and understand your pain along with your anger. Cry it out if you must. Sock the nearest pillow with all your might. What you saw tonight was hurtful but will help you heal. Why? Because right now you thought there was a chance and now you feel as if that chance just flew by.

Did it? Nope. What your H c/b doing is in his warped fog way, saying goodbye, yes in bed with the OW. Probably.

What should you do? Right now it is better NOT to see or talk with him. You are way to angry to know how to handle fog talk. Stay away from sharp objects <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep posting here. Do you have an IC or can you call Steve, Cerri or Jennifer? This is the time to put your support group on call and rally the troups in. That includes us here on MB. Now read Love must be tough by Dr James Dobson for starters. Keep posting here. Better to vent here than at him. He can't hear you anyways, his head is in a very precaious spot right now....up his..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Now I want you to do me a big favor, ok? Read this and post back, I want to send you something right here on MB.

Hugz,
L.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
ark

believer, I'm a newbie but I know how you feel because I had a night like that once...it's the most traumatic thing a person can go through. I know you're hurting...let it all out...just don't do anything rash, now it not the time to act...you cannot think clearly. That's all I can offer...the more experienced members can give more detailed advice...you are not alone.

{{{{{{{Beliver}}}}}}

I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain right now.

Please surround yourself with supportive people, I can't imagine going through all of this all by yourself.

This will seem like a small thing to do, but I used to journal my thoughts and feelings and it helped me by getting it all out. Plus whenever I felt like going back to him, I could read how he acted and what I felt...there was no denying it once I could read my pain, page after page, day after day, year after year.

I hope you find some great support and like everyone said, please don't do anything or make any decisions right now about anything. You are too vulnerable right now and might do something you might regret.

Praying for a better life for you!

TL

Believer,

I know you feel bad about this, but you know God wanted you to know this for your own good. At least you know what you are dealing with now. I'm just sorry you had to learn in such a painful way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

BIG HUG!!

Believer,

I had the EXACT same experiences with my FWH- 3 TIMES . Yes, 3 or more different D-Days and today we are as happy as can be.

DON'T GIVE UP HOPE. I know it's hard for you to believe me. However, your WH is alot like mine was, a cake-eater. That is a good sign.

Think of it as an addiction. He can't give up the drug. He is addicted to the feeling that the A gives him. He is deeply in a fog!!

You will need to follow the MB Principles as closely as possible and stay on here for support.

It took a long hard hellacious year for me. You can make it. I know you can. You are a BELIEVER!

I put my faith in the Lord to pull me through. I PUSHED . P ray U until S something H appens. Pray until your breakthrough. Just like you the Lord revealed those discoveries to me. The first time I caught my husband the Lord literally directed me straight to the hotel. They even gave me the room number which is not supposed to happen.

PUSH!!! God brought you together and wants you to be together. We have to fignt the evil forces that try to convince us to give up hope.

<small>[ January 16, 2004, 07:38 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

This will end. This won't continue. That's how I got through what I went through. I wish I could say something comforting, but the only thing I can say is that I didn't experience what you did but can appreciate some of the pain you feel. When the A was exposed, I opened up about the affair and the years of abuse, and what people told me was "Move on." You are living your life right now. He's not at the point of being a positive in your life. Plan B is about "move on."

Oh Believer!
This is a really tough time for you, I wish there were something I could say or do....
Just know that I send good thoughts and hugs your way!
Hang in there and don't do anything right now....take care of yourself.
Some Good advice here....

Believer!

I am so sorry!! BUT,you should NOT have met WH the other night and you should not again and PLEASE get back into that Plan B and stay put.He tested you again to see if you would meet him and be there,you did and were,and now he just hopped back on that fence.Grrrr.

That man! Please remember that you DO NOT have to make any decisions about leaving him or staying but ONLY that you get yourself back into that Plan B and get away from him to sort out your feelings over TIME and be by yourself.The ONLY time that you should even atempt to reconcile with WH is IF and WHEN he writes that NC letter.He says it's pointless because he knows in his mind exactly what he was going to do and off he went.

We're here for you.Keep posting so we can help you get through this.

O

Thanks everyone. I feel great today. Because of everyone's advice last week I did not let him move back in. I came very, very close, but you all talked some sense into me, thank God. What a mess that would have been.

Believer, I'm so sorry that you were exposed to such an unpleasant and horrible situation. And now that you know.... stay dark and stay out of your WH's way. Whatever he's doing right now, whatever thoughts and actions that are spinning their way out of him? You're allowed to duck. You are allowed to take the knowledge you have (and remember, believe nothing you hear and only 50% of what you see) and decide that you are not part of this triangle.

And all that takes is not engaging. I suspect you really don't want to see or hear from him right now, and that's good. Spend time with your own damaged heart and spirit, spend time with God and the people who love you, spend time with the woods and fresh air and flowing (or frozen, depending on where you are) water. See sunlight and know that it will shine for you no matter how dark the night may seem.

I should change the title to relieved. It's so strange today. Last night I was shaking and crying, and practically out of my mind. Today I woke up happy and in a great mood. (No doubt a lot had to do with the great support here.)

But it feels so good just to know the truth. It was driving me crazy, trying to believe WS, but being afraid to, wanting to reconcile, but not trusting him, feeling like my heart has hardened and I wasn't giving him a chance. Thanks everyone for being there in my time of need.

Believer, I'm really glad to read about your calm, no matter how long it lasts. I think the old saw about the truth and freedom is more accurate than we often know.

I, too, have found tremendous freedom in the truth of my situation. It's a hechuva lot harder on me when I (still, after all this time) try to fight the truth.

Hi everyone. Still doing great today. I have a 3-day weekend! I've been through this so many times that I can read the future. Our big issue was NC with OW, and trust. He swore it was over again and that I should trust him. Now that I caught them in bed, he will disappear for another couple of months, which is just as well. I can get back into Plan B.

Today I'm cleaning the house and doing laundry, and my taxes (on turbotax.com - try it you will like it). Tonight I'm going fishing with my boys. Tomorrow I'm going to the casino with SIL and out to lunch. Then I'm going to Mexico with some neighbors. All in all life is good.

Thanks for all of the support and encouragement. I think I can face anything now.

You go girl! I'll bet you knocked the wind out of him. Stay tough, he should know nothing of your life. Move foward, he knows where you live. He'll be back I'm afraid, it won't last with the OW. Of this I am certain. If there is no drama then they will have to live real life and it will fall apart. From your post I am not sure if you will take him back. If I had actually seen or heard OW with my H I am pretty sure I could not have taken him back.

Yes, I agree, they may have been saying good bye in bed. Mine took her away for a vacation to say goodbye-how romantic. PUKE!

I FINALLY got back in Plan B. It was a real struggle. Won't do that again. But I feel good about the whole thing. All along he has been swearing it is over with OW, and she was out of the picture. Catching them in the act put an end to that story.

Hope you have a great day. Many of these men do restart the affair after a d day. I was very surprised, but it is an addiction to them.

I am so happy you found out. Be strong-Hugs Jersey Girl