Recently, I have discovered my spouse H was having an affair. I was suspicious of this for the last 3 months. I will try to keep this short
I had questioned many of the activities which occured and each time I was told - I have been faithful to you to 20 years, or I don't want any problems with us.... Meanwhile, he was frequenting
all of the area hotels with this women at least once a week during the day while I was working.
First they would shop on my H nickle and then eat and finally go to the hotel for a little fun. During these days out I was being told he was at work while all along he was using vacation days to spend with her. I would even call him throughout the day and he would answer and lie saying a group of co-workers were headed out to lunch while all along he was with her. Once I finally caught him, he has begged and pleaded to try and work out our marriage, that he has made a terrible mistake and loves me very much. I do love him but I am scared, scourn, sad, angry and unable to forgive or forget the past. I am found myself obessing over all that lies and stories and especially the fact he acted in a way that I would have never imaged.... I find thinking about the fact he slept with this women 6 times that I am aware of which breaks my heart deeply.
How, do I continue my relationship with him and not obsess over the third part.....

sad@angry, I am sorry you are here, but you will obsess over the affair for some time. It is the greatest betrayal a spouse can commit and you are not going to get over it easily. He needs to be aware of this so that he can help you through recovery. As long as he is open and honest your marriage has a chance of recovery. But you are looking at 1-2 years for recovery.

The best advice I can give you is to get the book Surviving an Affair and find out what has led your husband to this. Are you in counseling? The cause needs to be addressed so that he doesn't do this again.

Another thing you can do is download the emotional needs questionaires and find out what both of your top EN's are and how you feel the other is meeting them.

And lastly, come here often and vent TO US so we can help you through this. You will be fine.

<small>[ January 18, 2004, 09:49 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Sadandangry- Welcome to MB. Sorry you are here, but it is the best place to be. Keep reading all the stories here and keep posting.

You will find that many of us are going through the same thing. It is miserable at first, but does get better. If your H is truly sorry and willing to have NC with OW, you can go on to have a better marriage.

My H did the same thing - took off work during the day, wined and dined her, then straight to the motel. I found credit card statements with 3 charges in July, and don't know how many there were before that. He was sorry - sorry he got caught.

Take care of yourself during this time. You will be on a rollercoaster of emotions. Post here and everyone will help you.