2day was a little rough for me, even though things have been good, on the whole. Rougher than last year, but in different ways. Our M is in much better shape than it was last year. I've never been one 2 put much stock in calendar dates like this. So, I have 2 wonder why it's bothering me this much this year.

We saw Big Fish last night 2gether. If you haven't seen it, you should. If you haven't seen it, skip this paragraph, because I'm going 2 talk about it. In the movie, a gal that had a crush on the main character reveals her feelings 2 him during a recount of past events. He simply says "No." That he's married 2 the only girl in his life. They were able 2 remain friends after that, because of that simple, but not easy, choice.

My W was mourning the loss of her 15 yr friendship with a coworker that started telling their supervisor about my W's A before my W left the job last summer. She still can't understand why her friend won't respond 2 her request not 2 talk about her personal life. She says she can understand why I need her "friendship" with RM 2 be over, but not this one. I was thinking that, if she or RM had simply said "No" 13 years ago, they could still be friends 2day. And then I wondered why I couldn't say it.

-ol' 2long

Q, my thoughts exactly. FOW in my case has had such a difficult time letting go of her relationship with my H. They had a 16 year friendship prior to the A, then after the A ended, went back to having some sort of a friendship that is until d-day.

I want to say to her that "If you'd only said No at the right time" you could have remained friends for the next 20 + years. Hard lesson, especially if you're unable to learn it and go on to repeat your mistakes.

But I guess they don't see it that way. Well, the only thing I can say to that is "natural consequences".

Happy 2nd anniversary "d-day"! You've come a long way. My goal for my 2 year d-day this spring is to NOT mention it to my H, and do what I need to do for myself. I've come a long way too!! CSue

Same with my WW. OM was a friend of hers and mine for many years. Had they both simply said "NO, this is not right" we would still be friends today.

Hey there 'ol 2long. You've made it past another albeit difficult milestone. Good for you! It's good to look back and see how far you've both come, and how much better things are, isn't it? (Focus on the here and now, focus on the positive.)

In my sitch too, if me and OM both had just said NO, me, OM, my H....we'd all still be friends too. Affairs simply rip friends apart, no question about it.

Jen

2 years .... and next year you will be feeling soooo much stronger!

*Congratulations* on your "Rover" ... must be fun looking at all the data and dust.

Pep

PS.... I just returned from a 2 week visit with my parents. Life can be so beautiful, even while we are experiencing the most incredible pain and loss. I put your marriage in the "success" file .... even though there is work yet to be done. You've grown so much and have become such a wonderful soul. I'm glad to know you.

Planetarily yours.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hey there ol' 2long,

Just wanted to send you some <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> because I think 2004 is going to be a great year! So forget about that horrible old day on the calendar and make lots of great days to remember and celebrate next year instead.

I for one have absolutely no intention of looking up the calendar day so that I'll know the exact date this year...I'll always remember the time of the year it was and that's bad enough!

A variation on what Jen said: A's are not good for friends (or would that be "just" friends???)...well perhaps it should be A's are just not for friends, they are for "just friends". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ...oooohhhh...bad pun but it struck me as funny this morning...A's are not good for friendship, no indeedy they are NOT!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And then I wondered why I couldn't say it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...you will buddy, you will. When it is right for you to do so...when she can HEAR it...awed

Wow, all!

CSue, you make such a good point. Last year, I didn't have any desire 2 mention the date, as I felt proud at that point that it wasn't high on my list of things 2 worry about. I ac2ally got the date wrong (get it mixed up with the 19th of October when our fire happened), so by the time I remembered it had been on the 18th, it was already gone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> This year, I didn't mention it 2 my FWW either, but for different reasons. Yeah, I took her comment about M that I told you about elsewhere pretty hard, but I don't think it came from a position of conviction so much as confusion, still. I'm pretty sure of this, because every time afterward, she's more snuggly and stuff. Every single time.

auto, Jen, awed: Yeah, it's absolutely amazing how people can become so overwhelmed by the temptation 2 stray that they can't think of the consequences. 2 simply be able 2 say "no", and realize that saying that is the most loving thing they could do for their confused friend... ...well, it amazes me that so few people have the intestinal 4ti2de 2 make that stand - or so it might seem.

Pepper! I'm so glad 2 hear from you again! I was worried that something awful had happened, and knowing about your parents' sitch, I really felt for you.

But then, as you know, I got INSANELY busy, as expected (only worse <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). And if all goes well, I can cheerfully look forward 2 being 2wice as busy starting this weekend! The good part is that the experience is so goose-bumpily exciting that I have little time these days 2 worry about the imagination stuff. I still do it, but nowhere near as much as 6 months or so ago. I do feel "grown", but will always, always feel the need and desire for further growth. I'm getting more patient, which is a heckuva good thing, because impatience tends 2 feed the imagination and the negative emotions take over. So easily, 2. Vigilance is the key.

Cheers 2 all,
-ol' 2long

Okay...this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the content of your thread! It's a wee bit of babble for the guy who likes his lyrics... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have you ever heard Syd Straw sing the Little Feat song "I've Been the One"? Beautiful song (fantastic singer) but it's the beginning of the recording that I like...one of my favorite lines to quote, where she says: "a little older, a little more confused"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

...and within the song is a great lyric that could easily apply to a lot of folks here...I think most BS have to do this...

"I put my pride
in my pocket..."

...not gone...just set aside for the time being...

And that's my OT for you today mr songman...awed

Well, I'm late getting back to this thread, since it was two days ago.

Since I'm late, I may as well say some things.
(this is along the same lines as......
Since I ate too much -
Since I have brown hair -
Since I drive a car -
Since it is a week day -
Since it is a weekend -

Anyway, you get the idea.

Long time ago - about two years ago I came here and I started out reading for about four months before I posted. You were one of the ones I read daily. ( You and Space case, and a few others.) I had high hopes for you from the start and I am glad things are going well.

Remember (have we discussed this before?) that this is a process, and the fairy tale stuff doesn't really happen except in fairy tales. Our marriage continues to be work, but it's mostly fun work. I bet you get that - considering what is going on at your work righ now.

I think you will continue to see milestones at home - I would bet on it. And I mean good milestones.

Tip for the day:

Don't eat too many Ice cream bars unless you run (and finish) more than 10 marathons a year. For some reason if you do that, you seem to be able to eat as many as you want, and it doesn't matter much.

I could come up with more tips just as bad, but I think I'll leave you for tonight.

SS

Still:

This morning, I made a point of holding my W for a long time as I said goodbye on my way 2 work. I held her, then I kissed her, then I stared wistfully in2 her eyes. She smiled, and giggled when I said she was purdy, and I kissed her again and went 2 work. There, that's all the details I'll tell!

But you're right. This is a process. It is work, it's not a fairy tale. But it IS fun work, 2! Or at least it can be if we're willing 2 put the effort in2 it, if we're not so afraid of the possible negative reactions we might get if we go out on a limb.

Gee, the ice cream bar advice is really on the mark. Did I tell you somewhere that they're keeping the freezer stocked with freebies for us at work? I'm a sucker for a good ice cream! ...or maybe you remember when I told how I was asked, once "Which way would you rather be executed, by hanging or by guillotine?" and I replied "Neither! I'd rather eat ice cream!" That was 35 years ago, and it's still true.


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ol' 2long