My husband brought home a magazine and asked if I knew anything about it. It was a "sex" magazine you have to have subscriptions for. It was addressed to him at his exact work address. I didn't suscribe to it and neither did my husband. If he had accessed a porn site it would of come to our home address. It had to be the OW. Do we pretend it never happend or what? She is really off her rocker and no telling what she will do next. Any one have any advice?

What can you do except ignore it?

t456:

Hmmm. Hubby's employer may have a real problem with an employee receiving such publications at work.

I would definitely ignore the OW (i.e., no calling or emailing her to accuse her) and contact the magazine's subscription department to cancel... or at least change the delivery address.

Hopefully your H will not receive any more "gifts" from the OW delivered to his work address, or he may be forced into some awkward explaining to his boss. Ouch.

Best wishes to you & H while you continue to work through this!

If an OW is capable of that act, then you'd better watch your backs. Inform the employer so that all can be on the watch. In my case the OW threatened to have me fired. Wow, I am the BS, the wife not the WSH...... I informed my HR dept and my boss. All were prepared,even met with security and had my car kept under survielience. It was a cautionary suggestion on their part. I took the safer route. I never expected the OW to physically show up at my work but you never know. Psycho OWs can do anything stupid.

Of course this is going to make your H look bad to his ER and may lose promo points,. He would lose more if it went further.

How long has the A been going on? Is there a way to file an RO against the OW?

L.

The A with this OW only happened for 31/2 to 4 months. My husband ended it as soon as the A was out in the open. This woman was a friend althought not close to me anyway. I only saw her at school and sports events until she started A with my H. Then she pretented to be my friend, coming over the the house, and calling. Then she started working for my H part time.

My H is self employed and does not have a boss in the building so I don't have to worry about that. She also now only e-mails him on his work address. He shows them all to me. I think it is some kind of plan on her part. On one hand I want to call and tell her off, but on the other hand I feel as if we should act like it never happened. She has threatened to sue for sexual harassment.

Hi t456,

1. You sent her a N/C letter (at least one) -- if you can't abide by it, why should she? Do NOT break N/C!!!

2. When someone is off their rocker, the WORST thing you can do is engage them. Just like during an A when your heart will lead you to do the wrong things, in this case, your indignation/fear/outrage will also lead you to do the wrong things.

Take a deep breath (several), calm down and simply let it go. Monitor, track, record if you must (if you feel she will get violent OR if you feel her threat of sexual harassment is real).

Otherwise, do nothing. To any of her provocations.

If this still feels wrong to you, think about this: every time you respond, she knows she got to you. That gives her the encouragement to continue. By doing nothing, the situation (like an A!) will almost always die on its own.

3. And try to let go the bad feelings too! This suggestion is for your own peace of mind.

Here's how I did it, my motivational thoughts: she's already stolen soooooo much from you and your H, so much of your precious time on this earth. Do everything in your power to limit her influence over you now...don't give her the satisfaction of even one more minute. She's nothing but a sad and lonely person...she's nothing to you anymore.

This approach worked really well for me...to put her out of my head, to let go of my hostile feelings towards her. And let me focus on positives in my M rather than negatives that she's trying to insert into our recovery.

Hope it helps you too...awed

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 07:40 AM: Message edited by: awed18 ]</small>

U have thread on her ground (in her warped mind). Don't minimize her threats. A angry OW is like a rabied dog and will attack even unprevoked,

The OW in our case sent me an e-mail telling me she was sorry my mother was DYING and rambled about how the WS came to put in a gate at her home because he 'wanted' to do it for HER. Ended up being more like blackmail. He needed to finish his job which included the gate. Not like she was a paying customer but at the end he treated her like one. No she didn't pay cash, she paid by filing an RO on him.

Be careful.
L.

Wish I had some advice for you but I can add to the crazy OW stories.

I got an innocent-looking package in the mail, opened it, and (thank goodness my daughter wasn't around!) inside was a big flesh-like, um, dildo! AND a book titled something like Sex for One: Self-Gratification for Singles. No card or anything but underneath the packaging was the sender's credit card receipt.

Guess whose name was on it? WAH's OW.

I took it to WAH and practically threw it at him. He was obviously shocked at the contents.

He then consulted with OW who said she had nothing to do with it, would never do such a thing, someone must have stolen her credit card number, and she is going to launch a fraud investigation and get to the bottom of it. Been months, no bottom in sight.

But here's the real kicker: He BELIEVES her.

His fog is so thick, I don't know how he sees to tie his shoes.

T456

One thing I would do is block her email address, why even look at the email she is sending. Second is get that RO that someone recommended.

God Bless