I'm guessing that this must be withdrawal. I am feeling so up and so down and so restless and so angry!
I was having a great day. Then I walked into WalMart. Everything was Valentine's day stuff. *sigh* My mind and heart started racing. I couldn't decide for a moment who I wanted to connect with that day! I remembered that I was supposed to be trying to forget about OM, though, so I made myself focus on H. Then I realized that I don't feel that way about H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am determined to give my marriage a chance. I do love my H. I just don't feel all Valentinesy about him... you know? That makes me sad. I'm really hoping that that feeling comes back soon.
I came home and had no one to talk to. I've given up all of my previous online friendships (except for one female, and she wasn't online), and I couldn't get ahold of my H. I felt so very alone... so sad. These forums are wonderful - really they are! I needed some instantaneous communication, though. I wanted to hug H. What was really strange, though was that when he came home, I didn't want him to touch me! I felt so angry at him... I guess cause it seemed like it was his fault that I had felt so alone. (notice, I said it FELT like it was his fault... I know that it's not really his fault.)
So a little bit ago, H was sitting on the couch, watching TV... and I curled up next to him. We snuggled and kissed and got all mushy. It felt wonderful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Now I find myself wishing that I could just be friends with OM. I want to talk to him so bad... my H is fast becoming such a good friend to me... but I still miss talking to OM.
How in the world can I go through so many different changes of mood in one day?! I feel like I'm going out of my mind!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Thanks for letting me vent...
SMH

Well, you are going through withdrawal and you need to learn to focus on your H for these needs. You did a good job when you sat on the couch next to him. Why not tell him that you feel alone and feel the need to talk to him? [not about the OM, though] You need to give him a chance to be your husband and quit entertaining destructive ideas about the OM.

Well done you! You made yourself reconnect with your H, however badly you were feeling.

It is very very early days since NC and d-day and things will be very tough. Your feelings are absolutely natural, although that doesn't make them any easier does it?

When I first came here (a looong time ago now), a wise poster (Just Learning) told me to give myself at least six months before things would start to feel "normal" again in any sort of way.

Well, X and I didn't make it to six months, but I know feelings for OM took a long time not to be in my every waking thought. But believe me it gets easier and easier, especially if you still have your H by your side and willing to work on your M.

Wishing you well from London
Lisa

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> Well, you are going through withdrawal and you need to learn to focus on your H for these needs. You did a good job when you sat on the couch next to him. Why not tell him that you feel alone and feel the need to talk to him? [not about the OM, though] You need to give him a chance to be your husband and quit entertaining destructive ideas about the OM. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Melody-
I have told him that I feel alone... unfortunately, when I told him I was in that place where I was angry at him for causing me to feel that way (I perceived it to be his fault at the time - but I know it's not really). It didn't help much. Maybe next time I'll be able to recognize that it's not his fault, and I'll be able to let him help me. I hope so.
Thanks,
SMH

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 07:07 AM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

Lisa

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lisa in London:
<strong> Well done you! You made yourself reconnect with your H, however badly you were feeling.

It is very very early days since NC and d-day and things will be very tough. Your feelings are absolutely natural, although that doesn't make them any easier does it?</strong> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks so much for the encouragement! Sometimes it feels like I'm going a bit crazy... it's good to know that this is basically "normal"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> <strong>When I first came here (a looong time ago now), a wise poster (Just Learning) told me to give myself at least six months before things would start to feel "normal" again in any sort of way.

Well, X and I didn't make it to six months, but I know feelings for OM took a long time not to be in my every waking thought. But believe me it gets easier and easier, especially if you still have your H by your side and willing to work on your M.

Wishing you well from London
Lisa </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">6 months?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I was not thinking that it would take that long! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I guess it's much better to be prepared, though. My husband is trying very hard to be here for me... I actually feel guilty sometimes about the way that I feel. I can't seem to help it, though. I'll just have to keep redirecting my thoughts from OM to H and hope that my feelings will follow.
Thanks,
SMH

How do we delete a post?
I made a boo boo by posting the same thing twice?

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 07:08 AM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

SMH
If you get a chance read the topic I posted last night "Inside the heart of a 'cheater'."

I think the words SKM wrote will give you hope and focus as you are going through these months of hurting.
Love, Sarah

P.S. So Much Hurt, the following is part of what I wrote, so believe me, I understand how you are feeling just as others here also understand:

"And yes I still miss the 'bliss' of talking with and being with the OM.
I am a lot like Sally and Felina and Diane and Lisa of London and other WS's; as saying 'goodbye' to him is feeling like the death of a loved one...After many years of friendship, love and affection, to be seperated for a LIFETIME is a huge heartache!

We unfaithful spouses, carry a double grief...First for deeply hurting our mate and second the grieving for our lost friend....I have cried many many tears for both."

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 07:21 AM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

SMH

With a loving H by your side, it may well take you a lot less time to recover. There is no prescription, no formula for how things happen.

Keep posting here - it truly saved my sanity in my darkest days. When I couldn't believe how I would ever move forward in life without OM, how I could ever begin to conceive rebuilding my tattered M.

Now, I'm not the best example of how M's recover - mine didn't - but that probably had a lot more to do with very old history in my M. Don't think I'm excusing my behaviour, I'm not. But if you give it your all for 6 months and then see where you are and how you feel, you'll probably look back to Walmart and wonder what an earth you were doing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Honestly, it will come to you.

Right now, take each day at a time. Try and talk to your H. Explain how important it is to you to make things right between you and how you need to be able to be open and honest with him. Nowadays, openness and honesty are my catch phrases. I never want to go back to the dark place of the lies, the pain, the cheating, the betrayal NEVER. And I sense neither do you.

Keep posting, keep strong and wishing you well.

Lisa

P.S. Sarie, I doubt very much dear if you and I are alike - sorry, don't mean to seem harsh, but I never romantacised my A. Knew it was wrong, knew it was impossible to have a friendship. I'll post on your thread later.