Marcus-you OK?

<strong>
This is the first time i've ever done anything of this sort in my life,and most men will say that i'm an idiot for revealing the affair and better to keep her guessing.
</strong>

Yes, you're an idiot, but not for the reason mentioned. (I'm being frank here - hope you're not taking it the wrong way)

<strong>
1.She wants the name,add,phone n mobile no,place of work of OW.
2.Letter of NC.
3.Me to feel remorseful
4.Work with her on MB
I can't give her No.1...or 2,but maybe 3&4 only
</strong>

Your BW sounds very sensible. I dont buy your reply to her points... Maybe you're confusing "can't" with "dont want"?
Do you WANT to give your marriage a chance? this is a binary decision. if your answer is yes, then stop the contact with OW right now. and dont even think about a "temporary" silence or saying one thing whilst doing another. Just stop the contact. Only then you're really giving your marriage a chance.

<strong>
maybe i really don't deserve a woman like her.
</strong>

Come on man! stop inventing reasons to destroy your marriage.


OK, I put the hammer aside now. Again, I hope you dont get me wrong, but I thought I give you my thoughts straight

Hi Marcus,
I had to reply to your post. I am going through the same thing as you. I felt that I was being ignored by my H. We didn't spend any time together. I began an A with another man who is single. He made me laugh, feel beautiful and appreciated. He listened to me and I enjoyed hearing about his life. To be honest, I am still in foggyland myself and am struggling. So, I know how confused you are. I can empathise with the pain you are feeling.
But, you or I would not be at this site if we didn't want to save our marriages. Go back and look at your wedding album, your daughter's baby book, look at photo albums of your life when you were happy in your relationship. I did that with my H and it brought back so many good memories and those memories are what I'm clinging to right now. There was a time when you were captivated and enchanted by your W. Hold onto that.
I do agree that you need to break contact with T. I know that everything inside of you is screaming not to do that. But, your W can't compete with a 'new love'. Lets face it, 'new love' is exciting and fun. But, its going to fade over time. Then what will we do? Go find another 'new love' and turn into one of those people that have serial A's?
I went to a friend's wedding this past summer. They asked the parents of the bride to stand and one man and woman stood up. Then they asked the groom's parents to stand....and 5 PEOPLE stood!! They consisted of his father, his father's new wife, his mother, his step-father who played a big role in raising him, and his step-father's new wife. The groom had asked the preacher to give a talk during the wedding ceremony about the importance of marriage and how destructive divorce is. It was obvious how much his parent's divorce had hurt him throughout his life. I don't want that for my children and I don't think you want that for your daughter either. Hold onto that for awhile also.

"maybe i really don't deserve a woman like her"

I felt the same way. When I told my H that I didn't deserve him, he got so angry. He told me not to use that as an excuse to leave him. I think he is right. Its a justification for doing what you want to do.

I'm pulling for you and your family.

Great post! You are terrific for telling your story. Anyone can fall down, getting up is tough, but you dust off and go on. I know you are hurting too and will keep you in my prayers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Marcus

Here is the way out of "Foggyland"...Say goodbye to "T" and start working on your real life. You have all the tools perfectly outlined here by Ark^^ et al so go to work there is no time to waste. You are in the right place at the right time.
H

Marcus, slap! For goodness sake fill out the questionaires on emotional needs and love busters (ask your wife). It may make you see the things you do love about your wife. Fine, you both lost site of each other...You can get it back. PS: your wonderful T got involved with a married man once. What do you think the chances are of her doing it again, or can't you look at this new love objectively? Additonally, I for one can confidently say that God would opt for the rebuilding of your marriage/family (which seems to be coming) and not running of with some home wrecker whom I'm sure your daughter would hate. Your wife sounds like she has a good sense of humor and her head on straight. You wandered. Wander back. Figure out why and fix it. And another thing, "it's not her fault it's mine only". Give me a break! She's right on that one, she is to blame too. Now get to work and give your wife those numbers today.