We're going through the MarriageBuilders program.
We're scheduling 15 hours a week to plan enjoyable time together. Last night, we went through the Recreational Companionship questionnaire. It was revealing.
We have a common enjoyment of physical activity outside. Guess what we did when we were dating? Walk around the lakes together, go hiking... Guess what we only did with kids in tow once we had kids? Go to the park with them. We never had alone time outside.
But Tom had plenty of lunches in parks with Sophia -- and eventually the enjoyment included sexual fulfillment.
I had a very inaccurate view of love. I thought that the marriage bond was a bond that could not be violated if there was a commitment to fidelity. And Tom had an arrogant and naive view of his own strength of character. When I expressed concerns about these lunches, he dismissed my concerns and said, "I can handle it." I trusted him.
Tragic. But in facing these very faulty views, I see that the way to rebuild our love is to return to those enjoyable activities alone together. Sophia took my place. Now I need to take hers.
We also are looking at ways to be together and enjoy each other without paying for babysitting. We now have a joint membership at the health club where I exercise. Child care is included. We aren't outside when we exercise at the health club, but we are together without having kids hop all over us and it is physical activity. For enjoyable activity together at home, we are finding that we have very different enjoyment. Tom enjoys TV, and I do not. We are looking at other activities to enjoy together indoors.
This sure beats my berating him for the affair.
<small>[ January 20, 2004, 07:58 AM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>
