What do you suggest for those of us whose WS has been confronted with our suspicions, but is denying all facts.?? I have been suspicious for a while and watching...taking down dates and odd behavior. Each time asking, in a general way about the suspicion. Now that time has past and behavior is very indictative of the WS, should I count this lastest denial but lets work harder as bulls....I have been suspecting for a while and now I am skeptical that this is another we will make this better thing. I of course, have been told that the WS would go to counseling, spend more time meeting needs, take more time with SF, yada yada. I am playing it cool for now. But I believe this is another cover story until the time is right for WS. The cake and eat it two thing. My H is very intelligent and quite good at games. He can always talk the suspicions down with his logical answers. I of course think this bullsh...and that he is covering. I am bewildered as to what is the best way to handle this. I have read the SAA and other books referenced here in the post. Thanks... Peace

Well, I think you are going to have to back off on the accusations. Remain alert, vigilant. Document dates, absences, everything you can. Find a way to prove that he is - or is not - where he says he'll be. Check his cell phone records (get itemized billing). Check his credit card transactions, debit card transactions. If you can, install spyware on your home computer so you can see who he might be emailing or IM'ing.

They all deny when you simply suspect. They deny when confronted with "I just KNOW you're having an affair." Expect them to turn it around: "How could you possibly believe that of me?" Expect anger. It is the common response and defense.

But Usual, once you have hard evidence (even if you have to hire a P.I.), THEN - and only THEN - do you confront.

Promise yourself you will back off. Act as if you accept his excuses. That will possibly allow him to let down his guard. Then it might be easier to gather the proof positive you need.

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation, but know that there are many good folk here who will hold your hand day in, day out, as you travel down this miserable, unfair path.

Back in April when I first suspected, my H swore that things would get better in the marriage. He told me he would work harder on it. Little did I know that while he was promising me things would get better, he was sleeping with OW. In July, I had proof. He was out camping all night, and OW was gone all night. He denied it.

Then I found motel bills, and he denied those. Since then I have caught her coming out of his house in AM - he denies, caught them in bed, which he finally admitted, but says it was her fault, that she was really out of the picture.

So you will have to have absolute proof, and he will probably still deny. That is the nature of the beast.

Keep posting here and we will help you through this.

I wouldn't even bother unless you have absolute proof. You could be wrong so don't even bother unless you have PROOF. Don't ask them if they are, confront them when you have a tape recording, emails, computer logs, pictures, etc. And really, unless you have that kind of proof, you could be wrong. It is a waste of time to expect a WS to bust themselves just asking them questions.

What do you suggest for those of us whose WS has been confronted with our suspicions, but is denying all facts.??
Just state the facts.
Most ws will deny (at least initially) EVEN if shown pictures and recorded conversations.

“honey, I know what is going on between you and mr. wank.” Leave it at that and don’t try to explain.
Besides, silence afterwards on your part will probably get you MORE answers than grilling her.

As she tries to deny everything you AREN’T saying, she’ll probably end up telling you (confirming) everything you already know.

I think in “Private Lies” by Frank Pittman, he describes a lay who is cheating on her husband.
He comes home, catches her in bed with some guy and she says, “he was helping me look for my earring” and sticks to the story even after the divorce.

<small>[ January 20, 2004, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">honey, I know what is going on between you and mr. wank.” </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HAHAAHHAHAAAHAAHAA! Good one, Chris!