Over the past month, my H has developed an interest in singles sites on the internet. He's not trying to hide his looking from me as I was watching him surf the first time he went to one. He says he's looking to see if there's anyone from around here on them that he knows. And then he goes to work and laughs about them to his co-workers.

(Quickly, we are 2 years past d-day with a good to excellent recovery. He still works with FOW, but all A like activity seems to have ceased. They never had sex, just kissing and petting on the job. Brief A, and he ended it a week or so before he told me about it on d-day.)

What does this mean? Should I be worried?

It's time that you and your H have a talk about this. Obviously, this behaviour is bothering you, b/c here you are posting about it.

This behaviour is sending up the red flags, and needs to be dealt with.

The (so called) "simple" answers are that you and your H need to POJA this through. His behaviours are major LB's to you, and to me, extremely strange (I personally don't know of anyone who has purposely looked at singles sites, while in a committed R, just to "see" if they recognize anyone on there. Myself, I used to use them while looking for my stbxH; it was part of my snooping that got out of control. And I cannot fathom WHY your H would bother with it??).

I'm too tired to think of the best way to word things to him... but I CAN remind you of using a lot of "I feel" statements, as opposed to accusatory ones such as "you need, you did, etc". Hopefully more responses will come in soon.

Karen

Well how would he feel if you were looking at single sites?

Sorry single sites are just that "single" sites and he's not single.

The only time I ever looked at single sites was when I was angry and hurt by my wife's affair. I wanted to see what was out there if I ended our marriage.