Not to take anything from MB but I found a site earlier in my situation that seemed to be word for word what was going on. Even if your faith was weak like mine was/is (constant battle). It seemed to me like it was WORD FOR WORD. I'm sticking with MB approach to try to reconcile marriage. Just curious if this strikes any familiar chords as to how W/S and B/S feel/act. I'm not a preacher or chior boy, just curious as to what others think.


site is www.familydynamics.net

go to how to intervene when sin is destroying a marriage.

PLEASE THIS IS FYI ONLY

I DIDN'T DO THE INTERVENTION
I DO NOT BELIEVE MY WIFE IS AN UNGODLY PERSON JUST A HUMAN BEING.

I LOVE U HONEY

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THE FOUR PHASES AND SELF DELUSION SEEM TO CLICK WITH ANYONE OR NOT.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 22, 2004, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: priorities ]</small>

Great site - I see these four phases in story after story here. It also explains why WS doesn't remember!

HI.
I went to that site but I couldn't find the four phases and self delusion.

Could you tell me how to get to this part of the site or could you just copy and paste and put the msessage here?

Thanks so much, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessed Time try

www.familydynamics.net/Intervention.htm

Had Great but painful conversation with W/S. W/S says Loves two but doesn't believe anything lasts forever. Told me so much about affair and O/P That really hurts but I guess steps in right direction.

Hope the link works.
Take care God Bless and KEEP THE FAITH.

Very interesting...

Perhaps you want to suggest this site to posters asking questions related to alcohol abuse...I've noticed some incredibly negative posting about that here recently...ie. you cannot save a M with an alcoholic, and there is little chance that an alcoholic will reform = little/no hope.

Whereas the site you've recommended here states:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> People, even experts, believed things like: "You can&#8217;t help someone until he reaches rock bottom" or "You know you can&#8217;t help someone who doesn&#8217;t want help." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We pray that now that you understand that addicted sinners are self-deluded, you will stop expecting them to come to their senses. You&#8217;ll let go of the notion that you could help them if they would just quit lying. You&#8217;ll forget that old, terribly wrong concept that there&#8217;s nothing anyone can do until the addicted sinner wants help. Addicted sinners can&#8217;t want help because they can&#8217;t allow themselves to admit that what they&#8217;re doing is sin! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So this site offers another resource for someone who wants to keep trying...just a thought...awed

P.S. I agree with you believer...it is a great description of the 4 phases and altered/missing WS memory...

Thanks 'priority', I started reading it and it is GREAT information from a Christian viewppoint.
It is long and I will read when I have more time.
I am going to print it off.
Thanks so much for sharing it with us here!
Love, Julie

Here again is the site:
www.familydynamics.net/Intervention.htm

<small>[ January 23, 2004, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

very, very interesting. It exposes and gives support all at the same time. The one problem I will run into though is my wife has alienated everyone who knows us. She really never did have any close friends (which is why she so easily drifted) but it is even worse now. All the people I can gather up for this intervention would be people she could care less about anyway. My children are too young to participate. But, if I can find 3-5 people, I think this would work.

question. of the 3 to 5 people who are supposed to meet with the WS, do you all think that the BS is supposed to be one of them?

also, what if their response is "I just don't love him/her anymore. I don't want to be with him/her". Would this meeting be like forcing them to do what they are saying they do not want to do? I know it is the A that is causing them to say this, but how do you get them to see this? I guess by all the proof of their own actions they could see it. My wife could not love me and still go to church with us. But the A is preventing her from doing a lot. Okay, I just answered my own question.