Here is my final (hopefully) draft of Plan B letter. Please, let me know what you think of it. This is so hard and I so don't want to write a "bad" letter

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My Dear Wife Tia

There is not strong enough words in any language to describe how much I love you. I married you for the rest of my life and I want to be there for you forever. I want to be your best friend and support you in every way possible.

The day you left me was the biggest wake-up call of life. It made me realize what a marriage is and understand the mistakes I have made in our relationship, mistakes that I want to correct. I want a new healthy and happy relationship with you and am willing to do whatever it takes to build one.

I have some many good memories of our time together. Remember the first time we danced under the stars at the Point? You screaming on the “falling elevator” in DisneyWorld? Numerous camping trips and you betting Dima that you can chop up that humongous log (and you did too)?

I have decided that it is necessary for me to stop all contact with you. I ask that you respect my decision to not see you or speak to you. If there is anything you need, please contact ___________________. I’ve arranged for them to relay all of your messages to me. I will still drop Yana off in the morning and pick her up at night after work, but please understand that I will not be able to talk to you then.

As soon as you have ended the relationships you’ve developed, which could possible endanger our marriage, and have changed your mind about us getting a divorce, I would love to talk about future together.

I want our marriage to last a lifetime, and I’ll do what I need to do to make changes I need to make permanently and completely. I loved you when I married you and made a commitment to be your friend and life partner, and I still love you. I just cannot be with you right now.

With all my love,

Your husband Sergey
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thanks in advance to everybody.

The day you left me was the biggest wake-up call of life. It made me realize what a marriage is and understand the mistakes I have made in our relationship, mistakes that I want to correct.
Can you think of one or two things that you are trying to correct? Maybe something she mentioned.

I have decided that it is necessary for me to stop all contact with you.
State WHY you want to end contact.

Something such as, “Your continued affair hurts me so badly I cannot continue to see or speak with you. I ask that you respect my decision to not see you or speak to you. If there is anything you need, please contact ___________________. I’ve arranged for them to relay all of your messages to me. I will still drop Yana off in the morning and pick her up at night after work, but please understand that I will not be able to talk to you then.”

As soon as you have ended the relationships you’ve developed, which could possible endanger our marriage, and have changed your mind about us getting a divorce, I would love to talk about future together.
Change this to, “As soon as you have ended the relationships you’ve developed with (put names here), I would love to talk about future together. I just cannot be with you right now becaus eit hurts too much”

I want our marriage to last a lifetime, and I’ll do what I need to do to make changes I need to make permanently and completely. I loved you when I married you and made a commitment to be your friend and life partner, and I still love you. I just cannot be with you right now.
Change to, “I want our marriage to last a lifetime, and I am learning what it takes to make relationships work. I will do what I need to make positive changes permanently and completely. I loved you when I married you and made a commitment to be your friend and life partner, and I still love you.[/b]

I just cannot be with you right now.[
Leave this out. You said it above.

Hi Chris:

thanks for your input.

There is only one problem. I do not know the current status of her relationship w/the original OM. She is in London now and that's where he is, but he made an attempt to break it off as he "did not want the hassle and did not want to break a family". Also, she has developed a new relationship w/a guy in London (while in AK). Another one of those Internet Loves. I do not know all the details, but I know they talked quite a bit and she ran a "romantic compatibility" report on the two of them and made arrangements to meet while she is London. On top of it, she was telling me about all the guys at work hitting on her, her spending time w/them, etc. every time she talks to me, she gives me just enough info to make me wonder just how deep those relationships are. the main reason I want NC is that every time I talk to her or see her, she hurts me (on purpose) by telling me about her new "friends", how happy she is w/out me, and lies to me all the time. For example, she told me she has not talked to original OM in a long time, but then I get a long distance bill, that shows that she had spent 3 hours (i am not exaggerating) on the phone w/him, and then I have evidence to show that they talked on a daily basis. She told me she was not going to meet him while in London, but again I have evidence that they made arrangements to meet. So, the problem is not the original OM, it's her behavior and the things she is doing. She does not know that I am still aware of all her Internet activities, so I don't really want to tell her that I do by mentioning the 2nd OM in London, etc. Plus, I do not know what's really going on between her and 2nd OM. She is London, I am home in AK, USA, so I have no way of finding out what they are doing.

I want to go to NC before she comes back (some time tomorrow I think), because she's gonna want to tell me about her trip, but the only thing I will have in the back of my head is "how many guys did you sleep with? How was the original OM and the 2nd OM in bed?" I know I am not gonna be able to control myself to meet her ENs and it's just gonna end up being a LB. Not an angry outburst, I can control my anger, but I am just gonna be cold, withdrawn, and thinking about OMs. If I ask, she's gonna lie and I hate lies. So, I am gonna present all my evidence, argue, try to prove that something happened. But not having actual evidence of something happenning, she'll never admit anything.

I will implement the rest of the things you mentioned. They also sound like very good things to put in the letter, but I am not sure about that paragraph that talks about when I'll be willing to talk about our future.

Thanks again.

It's an important point, though. When ARE you going to be willing to talk about your future? If you don't make that clear, this becomes a "good bye" letter instead of a "Plan B" letter.

I'd suggest spending a LOT of time thinking about exactly what you need, here.

but I am not sure about that paragraph that talks about when I'll be willing to talk about our future.
That is what you had in your original. I simply removed, "and have changed your mind about us getting a divorce".

After she ends her affairs, she's gonna feel pretty bad about everything and think a divorce is the ONLY way to make it all better or the ONLY thing she deserves. If you take it out, then there is a pont where she knows she can discuss ending or continuing your relationship.

You are not telling her you WILL get back together or you WILL divorce
You are telling her that you are open to discussion of your future AFTER she ends the affair(s).

<small>[ January 23, 2004, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>