W continues in EA and I think now she's starting to get it. That it is an addiction. After I learned that she left her weekly meeting and went out for a drink with OM I walked around the house visibly agitated. She asked what was wrong and I exploded. She asked how I know and I explain that I continue to check her cell phone which provides accurate time lines when you can put the other pieces in. For once she didn't defend herself with the usual invasion of privacy talk.
I told her she needs to get this guy out of her heart and that it is extremely hurtful to me. As some of you know this nonsense has drug on for 2 years and it never gets better. So don't ever underestimate the need for No Contact.

Anyway I explained to W calmly that I see a MC not to spite her but to learn ways of improving our marriage. I also told her that she has been in love with 3 consecutive men over the last 5 years. She didn't protest she only tried to explain that she doesn't have a girlfriend and needs one etc.

When I say W is finally starting to get it, I mean I think she realizes I'm no longer bitter about the ONS but rather the ongoing EA. That's the issue now. I also told her that this guy could have ended our M and I'm thankful he didn't.
I know that was very disrespectful because only me or W can decide to end M. Anyway I didn't apologize for that one yet but I know I should.
Anyway would I'd like some thoughts on is how much pressure is too much pressure etc. I may have her on the ropes a little. She is finally willing to see me as "hurt" instead of controlling. Please help.

Walking

Don't think of it as "pressure". Yes, let her see you hurting. Sit down with her and have an honest talk. Let yourself be vulnerable. Admit to mistakes you have made in your M. Ask for her help to repair these mistakes.

She may open the door to talking about her mistakes. If she doesn't, ask her for help in dealing with the hurt from the ongoing EA. Open the door for her to suggest ways she can help with this hurt. DON'T make any suggestions unless she asks (and if she does, MAYBE suggest one thing, but throw it back to her again). Don't ask for anything...just describe how certain actions make you feel...that you are afraid of losing her...that you are afraid you are not good enough for her, she has to seek companionship from someone else.

Honesty, Hurt, Vulnerability, it is the EA's wakeup call...to see the consequences of the A.

StillHere, thanks for your advice. I agree that it is radically different from what I have been hearing here. No Plan B talk and no demands to end contact etc. It does put the ball in her court and I like that. Until now I feel like I'm in a chess game. She moves then I counter and it hasn't been productive at all.

Obviously this has drug on for way too long and I feel it is starting to compromise the Love Bank. So I have to keep to a consistent plan.