I can't understand this.
After my H told me about his A, I didn't want him to touch me at all.
A couple of weeks went by, and then when he did touch me, well it was great, still is great! Even better than it was before.
I expected to have no desire for him at all, and was quite pleasantly surprised.

So, just wondering if this has happened to anyone else?

Well, I had this happen as well. I really felt guilty about enjoying sex so much while still being so hurt. I posted then, and got replies from many other MBers who said the same thing had happened. We're about 6 months now, and things are still better than before, though not so intense as about a month or two after d-day. Enjoy! (There's little enough to enjoy after d-day!)

Hanging In There,

What sex life. Well I shouldn't say that we were intimate arournd a month ago... It was the second and third time since our D-day in August. It was really nice. The first time I asked if she was ready for it. She was okay and I just enjoyed being that close to her and able to express my love for her in that manner.

I'm not sure if you saw my post (Hey "Guys", I Need Help I'm Feeling Frisky!). The first four months were easy with no SF as I knew it was going to be a long time. But since then, I've had a hard time. She's a very beautiful woman and besides that I've felt a love rekindled for her that I haven't felt in a long, long, long time.

Sex. I remember that. It had to do with pleasant feelings without any clothes on.

*Sigh*

Uhm, 18 months and counting, ayup.

Titleist: What sex life. Well I shouldn't say that we were intimate arournd a month ago

Just J: Uhm, 18 months and counting, ayup.
And you guys are complaining because?

Let me look at my calendar here....

Oh, yeah. That would be five (5) years and two (2) days.

Yea, it's been 16 months since I put my nose in anything....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> Titleist: What sex life. Well I shouldn't say that we were intimate arournd a month ago

Just J: Uhm, 18 months and counting, ayup.
And you guys are complaining because?

Let me look at my calendar here....

Oh, yeah. That would be five (5) years and two (2) days. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I am not having sex right this minute.... but, maybe I'll post an update later tonight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi friends.
When I discovered that my husband (of 30 years) was seeing another lady it was like I became a different wife!
It was a GIANT WAKE-UP CALL FOR ME!

I no longer took him for granted; I felt a love and passion for him like I felt when we were dating.

I just wanted to give and give in a sexual loving way,(ALL WAYS) wanted to win him back I guess and prove I loved him more than SHE ever could!

It is like we don't realize how much we care until we feel we may lose them!And then it is like an explosion of love, passion, affection and caring goes off in our brains!

Our marriage seems to be healing very nicely!
I have forgiven him and do not bring it up anymore!

So often, we take our partners for granted.
We get so involved with our kids, our other family members and friends that good ole hubby is someone that brings home the paycheck, does the outside chores around the house and sits around and watches TV.
Oh, we feed him too!

Not realizing he has emotional needs also!
Many of us females get our emotional needs met from our lady friends or sisters!

I wonder also, if the fear of losing our mates, brings out the long ago love and passion, from inside us, for him? (or her)
Sincerely Julie

<small>[ January 23, 2004, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Does anyone understand me?

I LOVE THIS WOMAN!

Should have never allowed anyone else to take her place in my life! How stupid could I be?

Okay, I'm better now...

She was such a great friend and lover, I'm hoping in time she will be again...

Yeah, TIME truly is a GREAT healer.

Titleist, I guess you will just have to 'fly solo' once in awhile, when you are feeling frisky and she isn't! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love, Julie

What about when your FWS doesn't want SF? Any takers on that one, please read my post on the Recovery Board "Time to Get out of the ring?"

Julie,

I don't fly solo anymore. I know that my affairs were a decision that I made. However, I've come to understand that my appetite for porno and flying solo wasn't helpful either. My flying solo was totally rooted in fantasy not reality. I need help with my urge though. Showing control in this area is very new to me. Flying solo was the norm when I felt the way I do now.

Anne,

He promised that he wouldn't allow us to experience anymore than what we could handle. I have lived by that scripture. Remember Paul wrote, Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power the works in US! God is for your marriage. Even though you feel like giving up on your H don't give up on God. Read the second chapter of Joel the next time you get a chance. He's able to restore what we've messed up!

oh, the bedroom is not even safe here! But, I can add that since i visited the local book store and picked up a book on sex, what a difference it has made. Its like we are two teenagers again. Boy an old dog can learn new tricks. Believe me i thought i knew it all, but how wrong i was. So read up a little and reap the benefits.

Well -
I am in agreement that just about the only good thing to come from all of this is the SF department. We went almost 2 years without (HMMMM - could that have had something to do with A on Hubby's part???) Wake up call for me. Now neither of us can get enough. Sex is better than it has been in our 15 year marriage. Go figure!

I know for us it's like it was when we were dating...every chance we get. But it is weird. The first time was 3 weeks post D-day and unfortunately he was still lying about how recently he'd been with ow and how often. But I can't stay away from him. As hurt and sick as the thought of them makes me, I need SF more. My h's affair started nearly 3 years ago (wasn't physical for the first few months....best as I can tell the physical part was only about 1 1/2 years of the three years), but our SF arena was already suffering. He had a porn problem and I blamed that for the dwindling frequency. For the last three years SF has been very sporadic and usually initiate by me. I blamed the porn, I blamed his lack of initiating and I'd stubbornly not...(now know it was guilt on his part...SF was infrequent in the A too, he just was guilty). Funny, I accused him of sleeping with someone else cuz he wasn't with me...accused of being gay (what a laugh). But now that the A is out in the open, I want what I've been deprived of. I've told him he needs to create new movies with me to replace the ones with her. My h claims that the SF with ow was very different (very little foreplay etc) than with me and we talk about it and he shows me. It's weird but it helps a lot. We even have a goal right now. I know the approximate number of times they did SF and I told him that I will stop obsessing about the details of it when we exceed that number by 3 times. I feel like I'm reclaiming my territory!!!

Wokeup: What book?

Since a month BEFORE D-day our sex life has been phenomonal! I went on meds for depression, found a therapist and started to rebuild my marriage (too little, too late tho). I guess I too realized how much I missed him sexually (our sex life was buried beneath kids, jobs, school, bills, family etc.) Even after D-Day I couldn;t get enough. Weird, but she never entered my mind during making love with him.

Now there is a problem. For the past week or so she is popping into my head during intimate moments and I cannot seem to push her away in my mind. What is going on??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ARRGGHH....things were soooo good for us in bed...why am I doing this?

I searched for some reason <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ...am I suspicious of him being in contact? NO. Has his behavior changed towards me? NO. Our recovery is going along fine...it's tough, but we both are doing what we need to do for each other.

Anyone with any ideas? or that this has happened to anyone else?

Fraggles,

Keep "making" love to him. There's something much deeper that is created or rebuilt when you "make" love to him. What you share with your H, is based on love and it's a creative process within your relationship. What he had with OW can't even come close to what's happening when you "create" love through your physical intimacy with your H.

So put on your best lingerie and meet him at the door tonight and create! And please don't ever look back... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />