I too have a post d-day child. 2 years since d-day and my daughter is 9 months old. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

On D-day I took off my wedding ring and told my FWH when he saw me put it back on it would mean that I was going to stay. About 3 days later he gently initiated sex and told me he would stop whenever I said so. I didn't stop him and even said at one point that I needed to know if I would ever be able to have sex with him again before putting the ring back on. I cried that night after sex, and for a couple of months I would sometimes cry following sex. He would always gently hold and caress me until my tears had subsided.

The first few months were filled with very tender sex.

The next few months were filled with passionate sex.

The next few months were filled with creative sex (when baby was conceived).

During my pregnancy, my desire faded - so sex was about once a week just to reconnect with each other. Then he had a vasectomy which also cooled the waters for a while.

I've just weaned my infant from the breast, and our desire for each other is heating up again. So where this train is going to end - who knows. Even during the A and the months and years before the A, we always had SF at least once a week. Usually twice. So we've never been like some couples who go months at a time. We enjoy each others touch to much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ January 28, 2004, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: jamup ]</small>

HI HiT, Like bunnies! I think we desperately craved what we had been missing. I was so resentful dealing with the problem that before dday, I didnt want much to do with him. Afterwards, I could not get enough of him. He was THERE, sweet and caring... it was irrestible.

Hi Titleist, It sounds like you've learned alot. I didnt read your other thread, yet, but does your W know that you no longer fly solo? She may assume you are, since there is little SF (I would). She may be happy to know how much you have grown. May lead to some SF?

Hi Fraggles, It may be that now that your are moving along in recovery, you have relaxed a bit, and you are not actively keeping these thoughts out, so they pop in, unexpectedly. Does that make sense. I bet it passes.

Everyone take care - Dru

Two words: "Chapter 10" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Drucilla,

I think my wife knows I don't fly solo anymore, can't go into how <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> but I'm pretty sure she's aware.

It's been recommended to me not to tell her of my accomplishments as they will seem to be motivated solely for the purpose of getting her back.

One thing that I'm learning is an assume respect of the act of SF. More than just hormones and sweat. Much, Much deeper than that. Touches the core of one's spirit. Certainly not a toy...

Julie puts it very nicely.
Don't give up on your marriage until you have tried absolutely everything.
I believe that then and only then can you move forward with your head high and God will help you deal with it.
There is a great book - "Hope for the separated".
It is scripture based and has been a great salvation for me.

Hi Titleist,
Well I have to jump on the bandwagon recommending 'Passionate Marriage' by Snarch. It's all about being intimate, and having more connected sex. I just bought it yesterday.

I can say it's racy, so it might be a hard read for you right now, but I bet your wife could appreciate the message, if you got her to read the first chapter or so. And you'd be confimring that more intimacy is your goal, too.

About broadcasting your accoomplishments; I'd do it, a little...

If it were me, I'd want to see work and effort done for my benefit... (unless she's told you she wants NO contact). The effort would impress me. (I agree, be careful and not too much, but I'd want to know)

And sorry, nothing to recommend above the cold showers, and yes, not watching her 1/2 dressed. Good luck - Dru

I am very surprised by these answers.

We had very little sex before D-day (I think I have some sex drive problems - it seems to be hormonal and my drive has been slowly returning after D-day). That could have been a contributing factor to the A. But I digress.

I can't imagine having sex again for a long while. I am afraid that I will wonder if he is thinking of her the whole time and wishing it was her he was making love to instead of me. How did you others who have been having wild sex get over this obstacle??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopelessM?:
<strong> I am very surprised by these answers.

We had very little sex before D-day (I think I have some sex drive problems - it seems to be hormonal and my drive has been slowly returning after D-day). That could have been a contributing factor to the A. But I digress.

I can't imagine having sex again for a long while. I am afraid that I will wonder if he is thinking of her the whole time and wishing it was her he was making love to instead of me. How did you others who have been having wild sex get over this obstacle?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my case, my sex drive had returned about 6 wks. before D-Day. When D-Day occurred it didn't affect my drive. Weird, ain't it? I was confused about it for a while. I thought for sure I would be the opposite.

The only thing I can attribute that to is that one reason my M was suffering was because of my lack of drive for the previous 3 yrs. or so due to depression. I guess I wanted to keep him "happy" so that he wouldn't stray again, and/or find me "better" than the OW. Not to say I wasn't enjoying it too. I asked my H to look at me often (I hated when his eyes were closed!) during lovemaking and keep a candle or light on for a while after D-Day. Wanted to be sure he was thinking and seeing it was me not her!

Only now, 4+ months later I am really having problems with thoughts of OW interfering with our intimacy. I always want to initiate it, but change course in the middle when these thoughts "pop" into my head. I think things are going well now with our recovery, so I am relaxing and not sub-consciously blocking her out. I am working on this now - I DO NOT want to lose the intimacy that we have built up and go back to the way it was.


Good luck. I hope things get better for you and your recovery.

Interesting topic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

My WW's affair put a real damper on my libido. I had a difficult time making love to her when I knew/know she thinks the OM is such a better lover. (Hey, I'd be a great lover too if I only had to make love under near perfect, luxury vacation like conditions! No kids, no bill, no working late and getting home tired.)

Anyway, a few nights ago, my son's ex-girlfriend's widowed mother came by unexpected. She said her daughter thought my son is really HOT, and she figured the father must HOT also! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She helped me to cool off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OK, the above paragraph is pure fantasy. Just thought I would see who is still awake. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 29, 2004, 10:07 PM: Message edited by: auto009988 ]</small>