I would like to hear from the "other woman" involved with married men.....where are they coming from? I don't understand these women, they have no morals, self-esteem or feelings for the wife. Yes, she is an accomplice in destroying marriages. Why are they willing to settle for table scraps?

If you have a strong stomach and it has been a while for you, go lurk at www.gloryb.com

please don't write anything as that will start a board war, but it was valuable to be to see how the other half lived.

It always starts out great, fun, soulmates, then reality hits after 6 m-1yr and they start to crash and burn. It was an important part of my healing process to know that they got away with nothing but heartache too. Dr Phil said it again yesterday that relationships started as affairs have a less than 5% chance of making it to 1 year! Even less after 1 year.

Only go there if you are strong enough to handle it. Someone who just found out will be to raw to deal with it. My first time there made me physically ill. Again, it is their board, so don't post, but read and learn. They all loose too, but they are not innocent like a BW.

I went to the site 'Jersey' recommended and found an article describing who the OW is; quite interesting.

Although she may not be an evil person, she sure is in a DEEP FOG, and really missing out on life and hurting LOTS OF PEOPLE ,including herself, by messing with a married man!

Who She IS
Regina Barreca

She's the nicest woman you could ever meet; in fact, you might have met her. You might know her fairly well and you might like her a lot without being aware that she's sleeping with your husband. She is a nice woman, really. This is the only part of her life that can't be admired, that can't be examined, that can't be discussed out loud. It's the only part of her life for which she doesn't respect herself and it keeps her miserable, even when she's happy, because she knows whatever happiness she has is stolen and illegitimate. She's not a fool even though she knows she's acting like one.

Or, she's not sleeping with your husband -- maybe you're single, maybe you have different relationships in your life -- and so this is a friend of yours, a woman you've come to consider a good and dependable part of your life. She's an elementary school teacher, a physical therapist, a pharmacist, a social worker, a bank executive, a swim coach, an engineer, a computer programmer. She's been your friend since junior high, your college roommate, your best colleague, your neighbor, your confidante, without revealing this part of her life to you because she suspects that even at your most understanding you wouldn't understand. You couldn't unless you've been through this and she knows you haven't. Or she thinks she knows you haven't but one thing she has learned is that nobody is exempt from the possibility of this happening -- if a person could claim exemption, she'd be first on the list.

So she doesn't tell you, her best friend. You might judge her harshly or, even worse, stop speaking to her altogether and she can't bear the thought of losing you. She's already surrounded by the possibility of loss and will not add to it, even at the cost of not talking about the very thing that consumes her waking moments.

Educated, polite and brought up by a loving family, she's not a particularly hot tomato or the kind of woman usually transported across state lines for immoral purposes. Attractive, fun, attentive and considerate, she is deeply committed to those she loves and that's one of the reasons this tears her apart, One of the things she loves about this man, after all, is the way he treats the ones to whom he is closest.

Not her -- he can't treat her as if she were really in his life, after all -- but others. His real family, the inhabitants of his real life. If he were an emotional bully or an emotional slob, she wouldn't have been drawn to him in the first place. Those aspects of his life he betrays to be with her are the very parts of him she would never wish him to compromise. So she understands how divided he is, how he feels like a piece of meat being sliced up by a rusty knife, how he feels like he's drowning and suffocating and being eaten alive all at once. He, too, is a decent person, except for this business of loving someone he isn't supposed to love.

Holidays are hard, but so is spring and so are winter nights, summer mornings and long, early-autumn afternoons. The phone is her lifeline and she has about 17 different ways of being reached in case some shard of time can be broken off and given to her. She'll take what she can get -- not in a way anyone would think of her, but in this case it's true. There are codes they use to communicate what can't be spoken or written; these were funny at first but over time they have be come as serious as a car crash.

Maybe it ends when there is a car crash and they're in the front seat together, returning from a place where they never should have been, suddenly having to make up a series of lies to disguise what everybody around them now suspects is the truth. Even if they get away with it, the experience wrecks them, mangles what they had beyond recognition. Or, she goes to his kid's high school graduation ceremony and realizes that it's been 12 years already and that she could have had a kid herself by now, one in the sixth grade.

Or it continues. Impossible nights, intolerable weekends, endless violations of everything she knows about how life should be lived, but they have loved each other for so long now, how can it stop? She starts to worry that he'll die of a heart attack and no one will tell her for days because why would anyone think to call and tell her an incidental piece of bad news about some guy she never knew very well? Or she starts to think about her own final moments. This is the worst.

She can't believe this is her life. Nobody else would believe it either, even the man. It's a tough, rotten, exhausting routine. Nobody chooses it on purpose. This is not a defense of her: She knows better than you that what she's doing is indefensible. Don't ridicule her, and don't think you don't know her. You do.

© Copyright 1998, Regina Barreca. All rights reserved.

<small>[ January 24, 2004, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: MakeYourOwnSunshine ]</small>

OUCHHH!!!

I hurt my bum when I fell off my chair reading that load of victimization drama spewing whooeey
written by Regina...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ark

Oh brother. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Call me a dumbas* but I tend to have a little more sympathy for the OW's VICTIMS. They had no choice in the matter, the OW *DID*.

This kind of crap makes women look silly and irresponsible. Some days I cringe to be a member of the female population.

I mean, my God, how silly is it to romanticize one of the cruelest things you can do to another human being? There is nothing romantic about rutting like with a pig with someone else's husband while his wife sits home with his 3 kids. That is shabby and self-degrading no matter how you look at it. You can dress up a pig, but you still have a pig.

This romanticization sure makes women look heartless, silly and well... not too bright.

Is the OW human? Debateable. She may have been at one time then...... transformed into a 'being' alive and stalking but claiming to be stalked. Living in a dreamworld by her description but an absolute nightmare for the rest of the world, connected to her involuntarily.

Her appearance can truly seem normal. As common as the girl next door to as freaky as a character on the Jerry Springer show. Anything inbetween.

What sets her off from the rest of humanity? Well as long as she retains the title of OW, this being parading as a woman is anything but what truly defines a woman.

So, what truly defines a woman? Realize that this is just my opinion: A woman is a female being, one who learns to nurture what nature endowed upon her, she has the capacity to love and give love in a truly benefitical way to family, friends and even strangers. Yet the lines of her love and caring are not crossed. Her love is imparted in a fair and non-evasive manner. There is no jealousy given or taken from her love. This woman can be your daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, in-law, neighbor, business partner, co-worker, classmate, friend, acquaintance, etc. She can be a confidant, supporter, lover, wife and mother. Faithful where she needs to be and knows the lines of justice well. She manifests the fruitages of the spirit (love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, mildness, self-control and love). Balances her time evenly among her needs of self, friends and family....and work.

The OW no matter how common she appears can not come close to being like a real woman no matter what she may resort to. In fact, when one becomes an OW, she loses the best of what she had and unless she sheds her OW skin, will NEVER retore her womanhood.

JMHO,
L.

Ooops.....you wanted to hear from an OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I am a BS..... LOL!!!! Guess in OW land, I would probably be banned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Why would you come here and ask that question? There are some WS' that post here but not many active Ows. For active OWs who promote that lifestyle if they even venture out this way, most visit as lurker but their safe haven seems to be places like GoryB.... I mean gloryb.com. As you have been warned it is a hurtful place to visit but some find great comfort there. Now you gotta wonder why?!?!? Selfishness doesn't always have a logical explanation.

Please share why you have asked this thought provoking question?

L.

Hey, the picture of Fabio was omitted from the cover of this piece of dime store fiction. Wonder if the author of this dribble thinks the reader is totally stupid or she believe this nonsense! I vote for Regina to be mayor of Rationalization City.

In regards to the "Who She Is" article"

Nothing she does is her fault. Her family is disfunctional and her parents did not empower her. Consequently, she is not self actualized. Her behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic codependency. She needs holistic healing and wellness before she can accept any responsiblity for her actions.

I trust this clears things up.

Don't know if I'm in the right area or not since this is my first time posting, but I have a question.

My h moved in with OW in Oct 03. We've been married 24 years. H and I have kept in some contact by phone and in person. About two weeks ago, he wanted to meet me for lunch to talk about taxes. Well, taxes never came up, so I asked him why he wanted to meet me. Said he wanted to see me. Since that meeting, we've meet probably four other times.

I confronted him this week about me moving on with my life. He then told me he still loves and misses me. We're both going to different counselors. At first he refused to see one, but I went anyway. After a month of my counseling sessions, he decided to go to one too. Well, yesterday I left a message on his cell phone and he never called back, which he normally returns his calls. Anyway, he called me this morning, so I asked him if what he'd told me earlier in the week was nothing but lies. He said no, and that he was considering moving into his own place.

I guess what I'm asking is: Should I believe what he's telling me about possible reconciliation or do you think he's just telling me what he thinks I want to hear? Right now I'm just so confused. I'm taking one day at a time. Could it be possible he's going through a mid-life crisis? Any replies will be appreciated.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by auto009988:
<strong> In regards to the "Who She Is" article"

Nothing she does is her fault. Her family is disfunctional and her parents did not empower her. Consequently, she is not self actualized. Her behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic codependency. She needs holistic healing and wellness before she can accept any responsiblity for her actions.

I trust this clears things up. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ROFL!!! You are a gem, auto! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by auto009988:
<strong>
Nothing she does is her fault. Her family is disfunctional and her parents did not empower her. Consequently, she is not self actualized. Her behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic codependency. She needs holistic healing and wellness before she can accept any responsiblity for her actions.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I cannot take credit for these comments. They come from the brilliant minds of Calvin and Hobbs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />