Hey Guys, both my wife and I are not talking to each other. I found out she "had" and affair. I do not believe it is still going on but I cannot be sure. As a result she left to a womens shelter with the children when I discovered the affair. The shelter has counselors that are telling her to be strong and leave the husband if you are afraid of what his reaction will be. I had my reaction for 6 weeks before she left. She told her mother that it was like she was married to a new man. She said I cannot believe it and I am just waiting for him to blow about this one day. I never did. I tried to work it out but she thought I was just suppressing my true feelings. I was not, I just got that I was one of those working too much not showing love kinda guys. When I discoverd the affair I got it and stopped everything around me but she could not believe I could do that for a long time so she left one day. I am really distroyed by what she has done and she is really scared that I will react with anger (Which I would not but she doesn't understand how I could not since she knows that I consider that the deal breaker in a relatiionship) she does not want to begin to talk to me. I do not really know if I want to talk to her. But we need to begin to for our childrens sake D7 S4. How can I begin to start breaking down these walls if at all? Thanks guys, Glenn

Glenn,

U can't break down the walls you did not build. However, you can show that those on your side of the wall are having fun. U see your W said that she can't be sure your changes for the good will last. That's WS babble. See if they have to admit they see good changes but to welcome them in the sincerity they are sent would be in direct conflict of the A. So the WS babbles some stupid thing about the BS changes being temporary.

What to do? Take care of you. Your enduring conduct will show that those changes are for your good. Her's is a benefit. You are doing this for you and your family. She can come and enjoy the benefits ONLY if she in turn can show lasting value.

Don't take her for less. Most WS are confused. Use this state of her confusion to continue to show your best. It will confuse her and she may try to put more pressure on you. Learn from here how to keep your MB cool.

L.