I have always been a strong person but this affair has just crushed me. We have two little children and we are not talking. I think you should begin to rebuild yourself and your life so that the other spouse will see that you are not a sniveling crushed person and they will be attracted to this new person. Simply maybe because they are curious and because they want a new person and that person might be your new self. This may make them reattracted to you since you have a history together and you may realize you are happier as well. And, in most cases the fire of the other person burns out and the A feels worthless afterwards. Yes / No? What do you think about this and what types of things make a person appear strong, even if they are faking it until they are making it, to the opposite sex, which in my case would be women?. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think you should begin to rebuild yourself and your life so that the other spouse will see that you are not a sniveling crushed person and they will be attracted to this new person.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kind of.

You begin to rebuild yourself and your life so that you are not a snivelling crushed person. You do this for YOU, because you want to be strong, and whole, and healthy, and happy. As it turns out, your spouse probably will be more attracted to the improved you, but you do it for yourself, not for them.

If you do it for them then you come across as needy. If you do it for them and they don't come back, what are you going to do - backslide to the unhappy person you are now? Best to improve yourself for the long haul, regardless of what your spouse decides to do.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you think about this and what types of things make a person appear strong, even if they are faking it until they are making it, to the opposite sex, which in my case would be women?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The types of things that make a person appear strong to the opposite sex (women) would be whatever makes YOU feel like you are in tune with yourself, true to yourself, and at peace with yourself.

Quit worrying about what someone else would find attractive (unless you and your WW begin contact again - in that case, figure out what her ENs are and try to meet them!!). Focus instead on you, and what aspects of your life and yourself you're happy with, and which areas you'd like to see some improvement in. Set a goal or two, such as "lose 10 lbs" or "run one mile without throwing up" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , or "get the house painted". Then make a plan to reach those goals.

anyone

HI and welcome Glen,
You've heard; Living well is the best revenge. Have fun with your friends. Smile. Be happy. Go to school, exercise, be fit, cook, eat well, laugh, teach, mentor. Remember things and activites from long ago that made you happy, and go discover them, again. Be the best you you can be, and have fun discovering how great you really can be. Bon voyage! - Dru

I am in the same boat. I feel so hurt now. Theoretically, I know that i need to be strong, and feel good about myself. But all these bad feelings come like a storm to me, it is hard to stand. I prayed and ask for help.

I have two children need to be taken care of. But he is somewhere out there meeting his A. Should I confront with him, or just let it die down by itself? I found out about 2 weeks ago.

I really don't see how one can do this. I don't see it. I am home alone right now. My wife is thinking nothing about me. She is sleeping with another man. My children are with her and away from me. The future? Even if I be "strong" I know that my children will never have the life they should. They will live in this apartment or her apartment until...who knows how long. Together we can get them a house, divided we can give them nothing. If either of us remarries, the family was so close that the children will have a hard time accepting the other party. How can one be strong in this? Lonely, not just a sense or feeling, but literally, alone. Rejected; in the worst way. Helpless. There is nothing I can do to protect my children from this, their wayward mother.

I prayed earnestly today. Only God can do something in this. I believe that something will happen and happen soon. It will.

bump

Glenn-

I agree with TH that getting "stronger" is partly about coming to terms with your situation and your feelings and telling yourself that you WILL survive no matter what.Anyone that survives a crisis such as an A does come out with a certain strength even though it feels like he** going through it.It's not about trying to appear one way or another to the opposite sex it is all about being more YOU,being crystal clear on what you want in life and how you are going to get it.

Solon-

I got stronger when I realized exactly what my WH did to me and my children,not to mention our families and I got MAD.Instead of the first 2-3 months of that raw pain and depression,I have entered a new stage:anger.It may not be helpful to everyone but I see things so clearly now and you know what,I am furious at being tossed in the waste basket like a piece of trash and I will not let my WH hurt me again or my kids and I do that by protecting me and my girls with my actions(Plan B).

I read and do things for ME and my children and I do not think about WH if I can help it.He is on his own journey now and it doesn't include his family so I am determined to continue on in life as best I can with my head held high.I refuse to let WH have any power over me.You need to show your kids a strong dad who is full of self worth despite what the WW did.You can still walk away with your dignity and self respect.She cannot.

Lostnhurt-

You are just a "baby" here on this board.You just found out about the A 2 weeks ago.Of course you can do nothing but feel hurt right now and it's probably the biggest effort just to get through each day. I remember those first days/weeks when I originally found out.You have a ways to go before you can begin to feel stronger about yourself.You have just "suffered" an immense trauma,you are wounded terribly.You are at the point where you just need to survive each day with support.Hang in there,it does get better,believe me.I didn't think so in the beginning.Let the feelings come and ride them out,that is the best way to get to recovery.Don't try to hide or ignore the feelings,I know they hurt.

None of us is ever the same after something like this happens.Each one of us here on Earth has been challenged,some way more than other's.Despite what I have gone through though,there are still people out there in other countries dealing with what I imagine are far worse circumstances so I will not forget to count my blessings that I do have and not take what I do have for granted.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />