I've taken a Plan A approach over the last few weeks after struggling with LB's and getting nowhere the past 7 months. My WS is seeing IC who seems to promote the "do what you want" and "you don't need him anymore" attitude, so when I try and tell her that I love and support her, she says it's more of the same with me not really listening to her and instead ignoring her feelings. It seems to serve as more of an LB than anything. That was true through much of our M, which contributed to pushing her towards A, but the A was a massive wake up call and I have completely refocused and am just desperate for our M to have a real chance at recovery. I just can't seem to break her away from OM. I'm hoping her reaction to my Plan A efforts are just part of the fog and that at some point she'll break the cycle and leave OM. I've read many posts from former WS's who thank their BS's for just hanging in there through all the fog, lies, etc. Should I just continue to reinforce my Plan A efforts? It's frustrating because based on her reaction, I feel like it's just pushing her away further. Help!

I'm not sure exactly. Many WS's in active affairs are hostile to things that a BS does to save the marriage, because the WS has justified their actions by telling themselves that the BS can never change (or some similar negative message). When the BS changes, the self-justification argument goes up in smoke, and that can be very upsetting to a WS, who then has to face their own guilt, or come up with another cover story, so to speak. In those cases, an angry WS is actually a good thing, in that it tells the BS that their efforts are on track. In your case, though, it seems like a continuation of a pattern from before the A, so this whole line of logic may not apply. I would get the advice of an MC that can get more details from you. My gut feeling about this: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I try and tell her that I love and support her, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">is that you should stop that, and take a different approach. Click on the link in my signature line, and the Plan A links may help give you some ideas on how to modify your Plan A.