My story short version, W/S left 11/01/03 to have some time alone, I had known about the affair and we looked into moving away but I didn't realize how much W/S cared for other person. Well I've been working on us and trying to follow plan a not really knowing it I just realized all the things I had done to get us to the A and tried to correct them with an unresponsive spouse.
To get to the point We have had a couple of dates this last week and W/S came clean on the phone the other night and said in love with two people and is tired of loving two people and hurting two people. W/S has also become very honest and wanting to tell me about her feelings for O/P. W/S is aware this is painful but wants to be honest about everything (lots of lies last 8 months). I asked if they were living together and W/S said basically, ( I already knew this). W/S told me, couple of days ago that wanted to work on us and was going to have O/P move out. We have started hugging and kissing last couple of dates. It's like we have both reached a calming period. W/S called this morning and said that O/P was moving out. W/S says that O/P forced decission that they live together and that W/S realized that was never what W/S wanted,(O/P moving in). W/S says that O/P is demanding all or nothing.W/S says that wants time and patience from me. W/S says trying to take things slow but in right direction. I said that I'm affraid that the fact that they work together that O/P will persue W/S and that W/S might return to O/P (O/P and W/S had sex at work)I want N/C and to move but don't want to push it. W/S says that the O/P is a nice person and wants to let O/P down easy, also doesn't want O/P to be an [censored] at work and make work hell. This is by far the most effort W/S has shown towards me but I'm not getting excited about it. Can W/S actually end P/A and E/A while working together (group enviroment). Should I just give time when allowed and dump as many love units in bank and slowly try to convince W/S to do NC letter and move. Can O/P destroy their relationship to point that W/S will hate person and can stay at job without A starting up again?
I just feel that W/S and I have to move.

Any thoughts or ideas.

also when can love units be deposited/recognized by W/S
W/S open and interested in MB Info. Should I give SAA book. I'm affraid that If I give book to W/S that W/S and O/P get together that if I went to Plan B that W/S would know all about Plan A Plan B and the cat would be out of the bag as far as time frames for different plans and if I went to plan b that W/S would know it was coming and think "I've got time to do what I want". Never before thought W/S could think that way but not sure now.
Is W/S coming out of fog or just fencesitting?
hmm not short version after all. My mind is so cluttered. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

priorities,
I don't have any advise or guidance, all I can tell you is that I have similar situation. My WS ended it w/OW (for the fourth and final time?) in late OCT. 03. However, they too, still work together in a group environment. I was concerned that WS wouldn't be able to get over her while still working with her, and for the first two months, it didn't look promising at all. OW would continue to want to talk, or would search out WS, and vise versa... Well, in the last month, OW has LBed so much, and her true colors are shining through. My WS says that he is losing feelings for her FAST, a lot faster than he thought he would, and he's realizing that he didn't know this person at all. Either he made her out to be someone she's not, or she just fooled him about who she really was. People tried to warn him early on, and now he's seeing it.

Anyway, he says that he's beginning to not even like this person anymore, and has no idea why he even went for her. (His fog is finally starting to lift after 10 months).

Of course, I've been through the wringer for the last 10 months, and still realize that although things are much better for WS and myself, it's far too soon for me to expect all the lies to stop almost overnight. Ordinarilly, I would say N/C is absolutely neccessary, but I guess if the OP is dumb enough to LB, and the timing is right, as far as your Plan A working, and WS's fog lifting, it could be possible.

Don't expect too much, though. Your OP sounds guite controlling. Do the best plan A you can do. I found that I had to become just a friend to my WS, forget about being his wife for a while, it put too much pressure on him.

Wish I had more answers for you. Good luck.

MOP

priorities, it looks to me like your situation is RIPE for Plan B. Your spouse is getting fed up with the reality of her affair but is not ready to come off the fence yet. And because you have executed what sounds like a pretty darn good Plan A, she is very attracted to you and still in love. But she is confused as she is still somewhat attracted to the OM.

AND, since she knows you will sit on the sidelines forever, she can take all the time in the world while she gets her needs met by TWO MEN. In other words, pri, she has no motive to make a change. And why should she? What woman in the world wouldn't want their needs met by TWO MEN?

Now, she knows that the sitch with the OM is not going to last, but she is willing to dally with him for a while longer as she knows you will tolerate it.

HOWEVER, if you send her a loving Plan B letter telling her that you love her but must end contact until she meets certain stipulations, I would wager that the loss of her H would yank her right back to reality real quick. Let her know that you won't be waiting around forever and need to move on with your life. BIG WAKEUP CALL!

And I would also be very firm about ending any and ALL contact as a stipulation to come back. Even if it means leaving her job. Contact must end in order for recovery to EVER BEGIN. The biggest mistake that BS's make is when they don't set boundaries as a condition for reconcilation.

I think Plan B would be a wonderful solution to your situation and I really hope you consider it. I would also strongly suggest that you do NOTHING to educate her right now. You are not in recovery and she hasn't ended her affair, so it serves no purpose. And, you certainly don't want the OM to read MB material.

Thanks for input. W/S called and was missing family member that came down to pick up cat and take back east. W/S dosn't see family much and it really had an effect plus add O/P moved out this a.m.. ( I really do feel W/S pain). I have really been considering moving closer to W/S and getting a job. I'm currently transfering my business to others. W/S told me a couple of weeks ago this would be a bad idea, because I didn't know how I would react if I saw W/S with O/P. I know now that I could control myself. I told W/S that I was really considering it now and W/S thought that it would be (enthusiastically) O.K.. I really want to and I think that it would be a huge sign on my behalf. (M/C recommended it a while ago but told him no way I wanted to be in jail and get served divorce papers). I really want to do this then go to plan B. I also printed off the basic concept and some other info without revealing to much about the whole MB plans. I'm not going to get to excited about W/S ending A so I don't get devistated if they do get back together (in W/S state I'm sure that they will)I'm going to recommend that she do a NC and express my feelings that I want to move out of area together.

W/S said that wants to go slow but focus on us working things out.

W/S says that If it doesn't work out for us doesn't know if it will work out with O/P

W/S says that might just end both relationships and be fine on own.

I'm coming up to my plan B date anyway. I have so much love but losing so much respect due to lack of respect shown.

Hate the sin but love the sinner.

Thanks again for the input.