Well it almost a year since my WW and OM confessed and left to continue the affair.

OM was the husband of my WW best friend and he was a friend of mine.

Anyway the only feedback I get about the affair is through the eyes of OM wife. As my WW has to this day not talked about her affair or specific problems within our marriage. She has little to no contact with me.

Well for the past couple of months OM wife has been in no-contact with him until just recently when they needed to talk about selling their house. (got an offer)

She feels stronger with the no-contact overall but during their recent conversation OM tried a number of times to blame her for the problems in the marriage. He was angry and generaly not happy. It was all her fault, and suggested that the affair was a result of same. IE - marriage was her fault as was affair.

So did I give her the right advice and make the right observation.

I told her that her WH is obviously not happy with his choosen life because if he was happy then why would he be made and angry. He should be rushing to end the marriage, sell the house and move on with his new love.

That he is likely staying in the affair or holding onto the relationship because he's too week to leave (that's why he had and affair in the first place) and ending it would mean that he was wrong and made a mistake. Misery loves company.

I also told her to hang tough regardless if any one of the two marriages will survive because to conflict avoiders, to takers can't sustain a healthy and satisfying relationship. It will explode.

thanks for your thoughts.

agg,

Yeah, for what it's worth...I think your advice was right. I'm glad she's in no contact...because it's amazing how much conflict is avoided by doing so....as can be witnessed in their one meeting. You were right to tell her to keep enforcing her boundaries....they need to be firmly in place.

One thing that may help to have more peace about her "part" in this mess....is to remind her of ALL THE OTHER WAYS he might have addressed "her" problems besides sleeping with her best friend. The other thing is to let her know that this is classic WS scripting...they all say "he/she MADE me do it!" She may have a large part of responsibility for the state of their marriage...but he is 100% responsible for the choice to address the problems by having an affair.

You done good.