Well it has finally happened. I stopped loving my WH today. I have been through almost a year of him not meeting my needs.

He has lied so many times, and still continues to lie. I have no respect left for him. None at all.

Right now my father is dying of prostate cancer that has spread to his bones. My H is continuing with his affair. When WH's mother was sick, we spent every weekend with her, until she died, for over 18 months. Now when I need help, H is with OW.

We raised 6 kids together - he needed a woman that would take care of them. Now they are out of the house. Now he needs someone that likes to go to bars and have fun. So he has moved on.

I am tired of hearing that I am a good woman, a godly woman. I have completely lost my love for him. I have no trust in him. He has not been a good husband to me. I am done with him. No more Plan A, or Plan B. I have nothing but disgust for him.

You have been through one year doing Plan A or Plan B????

Well, I don't know that MB necessarily agrees with this, but I think there's a time when you have to cut your losses and move on - no one can be walked on forever. If I carried on my A even a month after D-day, I wouldn't have expected my H to stick around. Maybe that day has come for you. Sorry to hear this!

Liza

believer,

As predicted ... when LU$ is nill and even minus, BS will be ready to move on. No matter how deep your love & dedication to H there is a bottom to it.

-h-

Although I found out in July, the A started sometime around this time last year. I still don't know when. H has never admitted to anything and continues to this day to lie and deny. But I knew something was wrong way before D-day.

When I told him I was worried he promised things would get better. Little did I know that he was already sleeping with OW. But he was already distant and pulling away.

I did not do Plan A - didn't find this place until after I had thrown him out. Plan B was good for me because it let me get some distance and sanity. So I will keep posting here to try to help others not do what I did. Thanks for all of the great support - that is the only thing that got me through.

Believer,

I'm keeping you in my prayers. I hope you can find a measure of serenity in your life that you can hold on to.

-2soon

Hm. Can we define "stopped loving him" a little more clearly? I don't really understand where your emotional state is, believer.

I just woke up and realized that I do not love him anymore. I do not respect him, admire him, care for him, like him or want him.

blessing and peace to you believer..

you have come to a place that many never arrive at...

you know who you are..
and you know your worth...

your husband remains lost...and you know you can not change him....

but here you are...
perhaps more free than you have been in this past year...

Perhaps no more dragging him around in a wagon behind you... for no other reason but it is your time to quit....

hhhmmmm....
nothing wrong with that....

ARK

Hi believer,

Did anything "trigger" this do you think? The reason I ask is that I have been there...disgusted, out of respect/admiration (hah!) and convinced myself I no longer loved my WS. The feeling did pass, however, and I rode the roller coaster back UP. Then DOWN, then UP...

If you are truly "there" then good for you. At least you have arrived and ask ark says, many of us never get there. We just get there by being forced thru divorce, usually, and have to accept it.

On the other hand, if this is a valley, no extra charge for venting, and as Scarlett would say, "Tomorrow IS another day!"

Good luck, believer.

Thanks everyone. I feel great today, no regrets, just like a huge weight lifted off me.

I also got my evaluation at work and it was excellent. It is hard to believe because I felt like a zombie for the last 6 months. So I am very thankful.

Hi believer,

So what is your plan now? Are you certain that it's over? Just thinking of you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

O

No thoughts of future. I just stopped loving him today.

But how will you feel in the morning? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Believer,

For what it is worth, I think you are at a 'turning point'. A place in time where you realize that you can't love him as he is.

Given that as long as he continues this way, you will soon if not already tire of the A game and want out. If he still plays, then he plays it without your participation.

You'd be surprised how much the A survives on the backs of the BS' sweat and tears. In other words sometimes our pain enables the A. What?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Yes, that can be true.

So the sooner you learn to remove yourself from this mess, the sooner you will heal. As for the WS, he will heal when he puts the effort to remove himself from the A permanently.

It will take longer for him to heal than for you. However you can't control that.

You may see your H reach out for you more, but don't fall for it unless he shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is back to put your interest and that of your family 1st in his life.

He needs to restore your trust in him, not the other way around.

I don't think you stopped loving your H. You have chosen not to give your love to the WS.

JMHO,
L.

<small>[ January 28, 2004, 12:48 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Believer,

So sorry to hear this. I think you've reached a point when you no longer care if he comes around or doesn't just that you are going on with life and taking care of yourself!
I pray that God holds your hand at this minute as he walks you through the pain and give you strength and peace that your heart longs for all these years!
We're all here for you.
BF