We went away last weekend with kids to sons tournament and snowmobiling.. Had a fun time! No really alone quality time that way, but fun receational time. We never had a problem having FUN together, just trouble connecting on a deeper level. COMMUNICATION!

Got the book "His needs, Her needs" and was reading it on the ride up. VERY excited, like I can do that, I need to work on that, and oh my gosh I am normal, that is all I want from him. So, One of my HUGE needs that is still not being met is communication. When we first got back together he was great. He would call and talk, and talk at night. Now only three months later he only seems half ther or half interested, not much to say. I will ask him a questions and I get one word responses, and even for information about the weekend, I have to drag out of him. I thought well, maybe I am not expressing myself the right way. So, I share with him a part of the book to maybe explain it better. His only response was "well, I am better than I used to be" Yes, he is better than he used to be, because we almost got divorced from what we "used to be". I get so excited and just read and read and see what we can work on. I don't get the same from him. When I do try and talk to him, he just gets defensive and I feel defeated.

I so need this communication, and don't feel connected to him at all. Feel distanced, like we are just going through the motions, and I feel bad because he does feel connected, and if he senses that I don't he gets angry.. like "what is it now"... "I can never do enough".. so I am afraid to share how I feel inside, and pretending is so hard. This weekend he was great with not drinking while we were riding. Waiting for me and not getting way ahead. Patient with the kids and I when we couldn't go as far. So, how can I even talk to him about this communication thing???

Some times I just wonder what my problem is. Why don't I just feel connected to him! Why do I need him to share what goes on in his head and his life so much.

<small>[ January 28, 2004, 08:11 AM: Message edited by: sohard ]</small>

Any guys who can help with what they think will help? or gals who have been thru the same

oops double post

<small>[ January 28, 2004, 09:27 AM: Message edited by: sohard ]</small>

sohard,

don't try so hard ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . It takes time ... men are diferent in EI (emotional intimacy). Also it takes time.

Why do you need EI ? ... this is a requirement for fullfiling M. "one flesh" don't mean physical only, it is mind, body & soul.

-rh-

Sohard,

For me and communication, timing is everything. Try meeting him at the door when he comes home and great him with a smile and favorite drink. Fire up the T.V. and put his favorite station on. Say hey babe, after you've had a chance to unwind can I have ten to fifteen minutes to talk. Works well for me. I think you'll find that after his need is met he'll be more receptive to meeting yours.


Another area for timing is that this whole recovery process is just that a "process". Give it time and patience. I know for my situation I didn't get in a ditch over night and I'm not going to come out over night. But, I am coming out!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This weekend he was great with not drinking while we were riding. Waiting for me and not getting way ahead. Patient with the kids and I when we couldn't go as far. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Take it from me, today is a day where I'd love to see just a glimpse of change. Don't be discouraged. Keep meeting his EN's and he'll come around <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Titleist

Thanks for your responses! You are right, I need to be more patient and be thankful for the progress we have made! He called today and left a message that he felt I was distant last night after he got home, and that he wondered what was in my head... I guess I also need to be honest and together with patience we will get to where we want to be.


Thanks Titleist... the point that you didn't get in the ditch overnight and you won't right away, but YOU WILL really hit home!

We WILL GET OUT!!!

<small>[ January 28, 2004, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: sohard ]</small>