A few years back I was going through some confusing times in my life. I wasn't happy in my marriage and I didn't have a job. I met this girl online and after a while of chatting with her online she came to my state and we met. I refused to have intercourse with her, but she got me to fall. For a while I didn't regret it, but after sometime I realized what I had done and repented and cried over it. I told my wife that I met the girl and kissed her, but never told her of the affair because I knew that she would just leave me. I didn't want that especially since we have 2 young beautiful children. The week of christmas she went on a vacation out of state with her best friend. She comes back acting weird and tells me that she had an affair with some guy (who I met once before but she didn't) at some party. She's telling me that she realized how unhappy she was with her life when she was over there. She says she doesn't love me anymore. We tried seeing a counselor and she doesn't want to go anymore because she doesn't see a point in paying someone to talk. We never saw the counselor together because she wanted to get a feel for my wife and understand her, but the counselor did tell me that my wife is extremely deppressed. I saw a sheet that the counselor gave my wife to fill out in which she states that she feels like crying often, and etc. My wife has tried contacting this guy quite a few times. She finally wrote him a letter which I found in which she wrote how he told her that he has his own problems to worry about and to work things out with me. She can't reach him by his cell because he won't answered. To me, he wanted one thing and he got it. She stated in the letter that she fell for him in that short time. She also stated that she tried counseling to attempt to save the marriage, but how she didn't like the counselor. I admitted to her that I had the affair after I cried after she told me about hers. She's miserable at home. She easily gets irrated by the kids. She wants to leave to clear her mind. I'm struggling to make sure my kids are cared for and feel loved. I'm struggling to regain her love and recover my marriage with no success. I really love her and want us to be able to get over this and make my marriage even stronger. I bought Dr. Harley's book "His needs, her needs" because I want to learn about my past mistakes so that I'll never make them again. I know this is long, but I needed to vent. I feel like I can't with this anymore, it really hurts.

Manny2004

Manny,
Welcome to MB. Please read the concepts section above. If you can get a phone counseling session with Steve, Jennifer or Cerri, it w/b good.

You have sat on both sides of the fence. Right now you are the BS and need to know the road ahead w/b quite bumpy.

Read Surviving an Affair by Dr Harley and the book Love must be Tough by Dr James Dobson.

Your W is willing to give up her family for this A. She knows it is wrong but the pull is strong. Even if the OM is telling her to go back, that in itself c/b a strong pull for her to stalk the OM. It is a bad disease and even she won't now how bad it can get.

Right now you need to work on you and protect your children, family and finances along with yourself. Have you told anyone yet? How old are your children?

Do you have a good MC?

L.

Thanks for replying. My kids are 5 (girl) and 3 (boy). I'm trying to be strong for them. It's extremely hard.

I did order that "surviving an affair" book yesterday afternoon. I wrote her a letter a few days ago which I know she read yesterday expressing my heart to her.

We had an MC here in town but my wife wasn't too pleased with her. I'm working with this Pastor that I was reffered to from Philly by my sister-in-law. That Pastor is also a marriage counselor and admires Dr. Harley. She called my wife yesterday and they spoke. I hope that my wife is able to open up and just talk.

The ones that know all that is going on is my mother-in-law (which she's on my side, but doesn't tell my wife that). I'm trying to hang in there.

I'll see if I can get a phone counsel session with someone that you mentioned. Thanks.

Manny2004