Hi friends. Today is a hard day for some reason.
Just really feeling sad, remembering how care-free my heart used to be before his affair. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

When I look in the mirror, there is just a sadness on my brow, not the happy face looking back at me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We have basically recovered, our life is moving forward like it should, but inside is the enduring sorrow; like a person feels when they have lost a loved one.

I know in TIME it will ease.
It has only been since August that the affair ended and was discovered by me.(Found an e-mail!)

Plus I know in my heart that my husband did not for one minute, intentionaly hurt me. (But he DID!)
His intentions were selfish, wanting that forbidden excitement before he grows old, I guess.
I am sure he thought I would never find out and what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me.
We both ended up VERY HURT !

I read this on 'recovery' this morning and her thoughts describe mine so well this morning.
Any of the rest of you feel the same?
Love, Julie

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Well here I am almost 2 months since the initial D-Day (second big day of disclosure was only 2 weeks ago) and today I feel like crap. Just in general.

I started tripping on the way to work today and can't stop. This is the first completely yucky day in a while. I have yucky parts of the day almost every day, but today I can't shake it. There is nothing new or specific bothering me...

Just the, Oh my God, my husband had an affair, Oh my God, for the past three years he's been sneaking around, Oh my God, I don't know this man, Oh my God, he may have an OC, Oh my God, he actually had SEX with someone else, Oh my God, he actually kissed her, he did our stuff with her, he slept with her, he showered with her!

I'm not angry (did that Saturday night). I just feel sad and hurt. It's all consuming today. How do you deal with days like this? I've tried praying, I've tried reading the website, I've tried working (which I'm being paid to do), I've tried reading my affirmations, I've tried reminding myself that he was "sick" and wasn't doing this to hurt me...nothing is helping today. Any advice?
Blessings,
Lori

<small>[ January 28, 2004, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

This may not be much comfort, but, Those days do get fewer and further between as time goes by. Think instead on the happy times you've had with your spouse since d-day. Times that reassure you that he's regretting the past and recommitting to you. Sometimes on my down days, I would shake it by remembering how common affairs are these days, and that I was not alone in being betrayed. I figure at least half of my friends and coworkers have been through the same thing - even if I don't know about it.

Pick your chin up, hold your head up and have a blessed day.

Julie...thanks for sharing my post. It's such a depressing feeling. I love my h and haven't stopped, it just hurts that he could do something this selfish. It does help to hear that these days will get fewer and farther between, but yesterday it didn't matter, I just wanted the feeling to go away. Today has been better, but for the last hour I've been feeling that way again. Jamup...I wish people wore signs....BS/WS...etc...OC (we may have one of those to deal with ugh!) I look around everytime I'm in public (especially at church, sigh) and wonder who's in my "club" and I just don't know it. Here at work I know a few people who are, but they all divorced. I don't know anyone personally (except my IC who cheated on his wife 6 years ago...and stayed married) who stayed married. That's why this place is a God send for me.

Well, maybe the instances of marriages staying together is related to the company you keep. I live in a highly religious area that believes in traditional family values. (and yes these people have As too). Surprisingly here as long as both parties have the desire to work things out, they DO stay married. The 2 most recent cases that touched my life are one involving my sister (who surrounded herself with wordly people and has thus divorced my BIL and they both live in another state) and a coworker whose WH keeps saying he's filed for D, but hasn't. (a REALLY strange situation, but they may work it out yet).

Anyway, the best thing I did after d-day was take hold of a friend that insisted my H and I could work it out. If that is what you truelly desire, then surround yourself with supportive friends. Otherwise you'll find yourself defending your actions to even your best confidante. And that can make for long depressing days.

Have a good one
Jamup