Hi all, its been a while since I have posted and EVRY TIME I have received helpful insights from all you folks.

Let me get you up to speed, Officially Divorced in May, EX is on to yet another "other man" who sleeps at her house when my daughters are there...(PUKE)

Yet thru all of this, she keeps telling me when we make small talk about the kids that she is "not happy"--That if she had never been caught in the "A" or never partook in the "A" --that we would probably be still married.

Thats niether here nor there. About 6 weeks ago I asked my attourney to periodically review our case, well it turns out that I am over -paying in child support by $11,000/Year from what is fair!

I have the kids 185 over nights per year, I am the one that takes them to the doctor when they are sick, she is the one that gives up court ordered holidays that she is supposed to be with the kids so she can be the new boyfriend etc...I am not saying she is a terrible MOM, whe just clearly isn't the person she portrays herself to be to everyone.

Anyways, I called. Asked for her to remain calm and told her that I was overpaying her by $11,000/Year and that I thought it would be fair if I only overpaid her by 1/2 that amount. (She doesn't work and can live comfortably on Alimony & Child Support, just ought a house etc...

Well she flipped and threatened to take my duaghters and "Go for it all" if I did anything.

Threatened to take me to court and go for it all. So I would only be able to see them in the summers, leave the state etc...So clearly in my opinion using the kids as pawns. I was so startled that I just said "forget it"--Once again I am a doormat, but it really scared me. I checked with my attourney and she said the chances of her pulling that off are slim, but if there is a 1 in 1,000,000 chance she could its not worth it to me.

Seems as if my childrens emotional well being and happiness have a price tag of $11,000 to her.

I didn't even call to threaten, I just wanted things to be just slightly unfair to me by comprismising not totally unfair.

When will I grow a pair of ba!@#$$'s

HELP

Hi rlyhurtin,

I think it's gross too that she is allowing OM/other "men" to be at the house when your daughter's are there.What kind of example is she showing them? Yes you are divorced but....nevermind.

If the money situation isn't tight for you,maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> As long as the "extra" money isn't being drained into your xW personal bad habits or something of that nature.Maybe think about how less money in the xW household would impact your KIDS directly versus the xW.

O

October Girl--

Agreed it makes me sick to my stomach, but its her life. She assures me she is not exposing them to any "lewd behavior"--UMMM Duh? I know you are not letting them watch you have sex.

But I digress...$11,000 does make things tight, not unbearable. But there are things that I can do for my kids with that money too. Besides is it too much to ask for her to shoulder some of the financial burden. She is a 34 year old college graduate with NO JOB! Do I sound bad? Shouldn't the stay at home mommy priveledge be associated with a marriage, and when the marriage is broken up by the "stay at home mommy" is it unrealistic to expect that PRIVELEDGE goes away.

Remember I do have the kids over night, take them to school etc...a little more than 1/2 of the time, yet her child suppot is commisserate with a woman that has FULL CUSTODY

Am I being unresonable

Hi again,

If your xW went back to work,would that impact the kids negatively do you think? Meaning,would they end up in daycare a lot and then you shelling out money for that instead of your xW being at home for them?

It's not unreasonable for your xW to share in the financial responsibility since you are divorced but the main concern I think is the impact on the kids.

Take me for example.I am also a stay at home mom.My WH is in another state working right now so I am essentially a "single" parent.But if I worked,not only would another parent be gone from the girls lives to a certain degree,but we would have to pay money to daycare to cover those hours of each day I worked.

I guess I'm thinking that it's bad enough that kids get shuttled between two homes in many families but then when both parents are working,it just adds more insult to injury to try and schedule pick ups and drop offs and now include daycare or babysitters to the mix.

If I went back to work due to divorce,it would definitely put a damper on the kids lives as well as mine so my WH and I now agree that me staying home is the best option,although I realize that your situation and mine are not the same.I am an RN and the shifts that most nurses have would require me to have a babysitter or daycare involved and the kids are already stressed out with what's going on with mom and dad.

Of course this is not to say that at some point when the kids were older that your xW couldn't at least get something part time right? It depends on how old the kids are.Mine are still not old enough to be home alone so home I stay.

How's that sound? Make any sense? I know that it may seem that your xW is "living off" of you but are your kids happy that they have mom at home when they are there? Is that part of their life at least stable in terms of them feeling cared for and safe?

O

The question is what it is going to cost in legal fees if you try to reduce child support payments. If she drags it out in court it can add up to thousands of dollars in legal fees which you will never see again. Remember you are dealing with a very mentally unbalanced up ex. If she wants to make trouble for you she can accuse you of sexually molesting the kids and get a temporary court order to prevent you from seeing them. What do you think it will cost to prove your innocence. My advice is leave well enough alone.