talking with my wife last night she says she has to decide if she wanys our M to work,one way she does &one way she doesn`t,i`m so lost right now &grasping for straws don`t know were to turn.

hurting&scared,

I know how you feel. Everything hurts so bad and you can't find any place that offers peace. The only advice I have is that as time goes by it DOES get better. Very slowly.

Try not to brood; you will only depress yourself further. Find some activity you enjoy a LOT and spend some time doing that. Try to do some physical activity, too. Exercise is a great anti-depressant.

Read up on ENs, LBs, and Plan A so that when you do interact with your W you can leave her with the best impression possible.

Keep posting here. I do remember what it was like not being able to eat or sleep or even read a light magazine article. It gets better, it really does.

had a talk last night with W told her i can`t take the pain much longer of her having the EA with OM & iwould end up leaving,a little later on she told me she dosn`t want to throw our M away & she loves me very deeply. what steps should i do so i don`t mess things up ?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurting&scared:
<strong> had a talk last night with W told her i can`t take the pain much longer of her having the EA with OM & iwould end up leaving,a little later on she told me she dosn`t want to throw our M away & she loves me very deeply. what steps should i do so i don`t mess things up ? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hurting, I know where you're coming from because I've felt the same...I've had worse when she kept telling me to leave her and I would cry myself to sleep...Make sure you focus a lot on yourself, play sports, work out, read...do stuff to keep you in a light mood (as much as possible)...Do keep tabs on your wife if you can but don't accuse her of anything...tell her you love her very much and that you want your M to work but make sure she understands that she MUST end A with NC...in a nice way...hang in there!

The question should be not only what you should do but what she should do to earn back your trust and become a loving faithful wife. She has to be the one to show that she is committed to working on the marriage by staying away from the other man. She needs to know with certainty that you have had enough of her inappropriate behaviour and that you will file for divorce if she continues to betray you.

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 03:20 PM: Message edited by: yosh ]</small>

Hello,

Let me see if I get this straight. She says she loves you deeply and does not want to throw your marriage away but continues to have an EA with her OM. What is wrong with this picture? Judge a person by their actions and not by their words.
How do you think she would be reacting if you continued to have an affair and still tell her you love her deeply and want the marriage to continue?

She responds to you only when you say you have had enough. She is a cakewoman who wants to have both of you. Unless she is seriously committed to recovery in the marriage and No Contact forever with the OM then this is what your life will be like now and in the future. What are the consequences to her actions? She says one thing to you but her actions say something different. You need to ask yourself what you need in your future. A good question that will tell you a lot is to ask yourself if you knew then what you know now - would you want to marry your wife again?
The bottom line is that she will not respect you until you respect yourself. She is married to you and involved with another man. If she is not serious then you should consider other options in your life. I wish you luck.