After I've moved out, I kept wearing my ring. But new people I met kept looking at my finger and pointing out "oh, you're married" which was each time a major trigger for me, and then being in the uncomfortable position either to lie "yes, I'm married and all is fine", or, to tell people that I hardly know that she betrayed me etc etc etc.

So I've decided to remove it. I'm not wearing it for half a year now. And sometimes I search with my thumb for the ring to play with it... and dont find it. Bummer.

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 12:15 AM: Message edited by: Nick123 ]</small>

I asked my WW for the ring back when she told me she still had feelings for OM, about 4 months ago. It sat in a bowl for a while – my wife knew it was there – and I looked at the bowl daily, in the hope she would put it back on, but it just sat there. Then I had a couple more instalments of how important OM was/is to her along with how little she felt for me. That was the last straw – I cut the ring in half. I’ve also burned the marriage certificate. There’ve been times when I’ve regretted it, times when it seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

Act in haste, repent at leisure.

Ironically I seldom wore a wedding ring during our 17 year marriage. The vast majority of those years I was in retail and found myself constantly dealing with a lose ring wanting to come off.

So right after discovery I took her original wedding band and hid. Then put my original band back on. When went to find hers (takes them off at night) I told her she didn't have the right to wear it.

Talk abouot childish <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but I wasn't exactly rational in those early days.

Later on we exchange new bands....but we did so WAY too early as she was still hiding major details about her affair.

So each time something new came up or I caught her in another lie there was a 50-50 chance that ring would come off.

Occassionally on really bad days when I just felt I couldn't forgive couldn't stay with her I would take it off and tearfully tell "I just can't do this anymore". Then I would go off somewhere to be by myself.

One time I took it off and threw it so hard on the garage cement floor it bent.

So I geuss I can say for me as a betrayed spouse it became a mental weapon of sorts when I was beside myself with rage or feeling like I just couldn't stay anymore.

I hadn't worn my ring for several years. When I'm at work I had to take it off. It became a neusense, so I put it on my key ring. I would spin my keys around on it alot of times but never put it on. I gained a bunch of weight and couldn't wear it after that. Well, when D Day came I told my wife to take off her ring, she didn't deserve to wear it. I know that was hurtful to her, but she took it off and I don't know if she even has it anymore. I lost a bunch of weight and started wearing my ring again. Because I'm in more of a supervisory position instead of a technitian now, I can wear my ring most of the time at work. It felt really weird wearing it at first, but now I feel naked without it. However, I'm beginning to run out of hope and it may come off soon for good. I don't know.....

I stopped wearing my wedding band about 1 1/2 years after my W's A. It was shortly before our wedding anniversary and everytime I looked at it on my finger I felt awful. I felt (and still feel) that by having the EA (I could forgive/understand the PA) that she was basically saying that I was not what she wanted, that I wasn't the "only man for her". The magic was gone, I no longer felt like Superman for her. The ring reminded me that I wasn't enough, that I couldn't make her happy.

I miss wearing it. I miss that feeling of "knowing" that we are 2 halves of a single whole, that we complete each other.
______________
BS (Me) M 37
WS F 44
M 15 years
2 kids
D-Day 2/14/02 (Happy Valentine's Day)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">by Octobergirl: My WH still wears his,at least when he was home but there is now ANOTHER ring on his hand(SICK!),a silver piece of junk from the homewrecker I'm sure(which he lied to my mother about)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is really horrible. Talk about needing a 2x4 to the skull <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . I'm afraid that ring would have to have a terrible accident. I'm sorry.

My original ring broke early on (we've been married almost 4 years, now). We had the stone replaced, but did not buy a new wedding set... so the stone sat in a safe for the last two years. I wore a 'penalty' ring; plain band, no stone... which didnt bother me too much till dday. It seemed on dday that I had a 2nd rate ring to go with my 2nd rate marriage. I could hardly look at it. I wore it to work because others would notice if it was missing, and I didnt want to have to explain. But I wouldnt wear it much, otherwise.

Almost a year to the day after dday, my H had the stone set in a wonderful, perfect setting, and gave it back to me. We cried so much. He still wants to renew our vows, and I'd like it if that happened.

(I've lost so much more weight since then, the ring is now too big <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . The only ring I've ever had custom made just for me, and now I need to have it resized. Oh well...) Everyone take care - Dru

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: Drucilla ]</small>

My stbx WW declared she wanted a separation last labor day. The next day, I gave her my ring, and told her "I hope you can give this back to me some day". She gave me her ring, but asked for it back the next day. I stupidly gave it back - oh well, a couple thou down the drain.

In the next week, I found out about her affair(s), she filed in October, and our 2nd settlement conference is next week.

I don't think I'll be getting that ring back....

I don't think I'll be getting that ring back....
In some places, you can now get the ring back if the other filed for the divorce.

Like an engagement ring legally (in many places) goes back to the man if the woman breaks the engagement.

If you thought you could sell the ring for what it was worth, I'm afraid you would have been in for a shock anyway. When people talk about how much jewelry is worth, they mean what it would cost to replace it, not what you can get for it if you sell it.

Myself, I'd want to give a man his ring back if I didn't want him anymore. Why keep any reminders around?

I had the piss-ant stone from the ring from my 1st marriage made into a nose ring <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Seemed fitting at the time. I still wear it occasionally. Elspeth is correct, they have little resale value - Dru

I wore my ring every single day from the day we were married, right through the problems, right through the affairs, and right through the first month of our separation. I remember very well exactly when that ring came off my finger and put in its little box. That was about 30 seconds after my wife came over "to talk", and told me in no uncertain terms that she never wanted to come back, and that she thought we should get divorced. I shut the door behind her when she left, took the ring off, put it away, and haven't touched it or even looked at it since.

Roughly 4pm on 12/27/2003 was when my ring came off.

That's when I felt the stabbing pain of the real danger our marriage was in. That's when I felt that I could no longer display my acceptance of the vows that had been so horribly and repeatedly betrayed. That's when I no longer felt married.

I slipped mine over to my right hand, probably a month or so after Dday, when I started to realize how "involved" he was with OW. I will not take them off, because I'm still married, want to be married and believe in my marriage. WH noticed I switched hands and asked me why. I said "you should know the answer to that..." I will only put them back on the left hand when and if WH makes full committment to me and our M, and puts his back on, too. I will only take them off for good, if fate takes another route...

Besides, I think it tells the public, who may know about WH and OW, that I'm aware of the A, in case there's any doubt.

I will not take my rings off even if my husband divorces me because in the eyes of my church, we will still be married (Roman Catholic).

I play with my wedding ring a million times a day. That beautiful band of gold reminds me that love and marriage to my husband should be forever, without end.

My engagement ring reminds me of the love my husband once felt for me - that he searched in a couple of states to find the perfect ring that would show his love for me. He also set up a perfect night when he proposed to me in February 2003. I just wish we could go back to those days.....

Oops.... I meant when he proposed in February 2000.

Originally posted by auto009988:

I am curious if many people have come to the conclusion that they should take off their wedding ring, even if that decision was only to do it temporarily.

I did not wear my ring for about 2 weeks.

This was not so much an intellectual decision on my part...

I took it off because it felt as if it was burning into my flesh! The ring felt like it was on fire!

When I was not wearing my ring, I placed it in the ash tray of my car! Isn't that where you should put something that is burning?

LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Here's why I put it back on. My son told me I had to wear my ring because it was "against the law" not to wear it if you're married! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ahhhhhhh the memories.....

Pep

Through 3 affairs, I kept my ring on. I never thought about divorcing, and tried with everything I had to stop it. She would repeatedly take her's off. Not wearing it at all for a time, while still living with me and my children. I finally took my ring off the day that I found out about her 4th affair. She left me and said there was no one. I found out a couple weeks later that she was lying once again. At that moment, I knew that there was nothing about her that I could trust. I had forgiven 3 and been hit with 4. I just couldn't do it any longer.

She had already filed for divorce and quit wearing her ring. She left the anniversary band I made her a year earlier on the counter when she left. I kept it. I gave it to her with all the love I had, spent many hours making it and many more hours paying for it. I gave it to her while she was having an affair on our 10th anniversary. I didn't know at the time. There was no way that I was going to allow her to wear my love as a bauble to attract men at the bar.

She demanded it back. I simply said NO.

My bent, worn, cheap wedding ring was so dear to me. It represented everything I thought about in life. My family. It now lies in a drawer next to my sink. I am not sure what to do with it. Our divorce was official almost a year ago.

Actually, I saw it just last night for the first time in a long time. There are so many memories buried in that little band of gold. Most of them good. But some of them horrible. It still represents what I hold most dear in my life. Other than my faith, it represents my character and my principles. It represents my values and my hopes. It lies in a drawer... but my life continues still. I try with each day to find the NEW representation of those things.

<small>[ February 01, 2004, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

growing up i always believed that i would wear my wedding ring always, taking it off for nothing... over the years i have worn a series of wedding rings...

the one we were married with (my mom's wedding ring)...
the wedding bands we had in common...
the ring i bought on whim at the five year mark...
the gold/diamond band i got for my 40th birthday...

so no one ring has stood the test of time... there have even been period when i have worn no ring...

shortly after the revelation of my affair i embraced the tradition of wearing waist beads... i wear one string for my husband, one string for me, one string for our son and one string for the girl i lost at 22 weeks...

for my 45th birthday i made myself a new set of waist beads (semi precious stones and 18kt gold beads)... nine days later the mail brought news of my husbands infidelity...

my initial reaction was to remove the beads... somehow i couldn't for to do so was to believe there was not hope... two weeks later husband arranged a trip home to reassure me of his commitment to us...

husband traveled with my new set of beads... he sleeps with them... just a little something to remind him of the woman whose waist they belong on... i've gone back to wearing my original set...

oaktown...

<small>[ February 01, 2004, 03:33 PM: Message edited by: oaktown ]</small>

Nice story Oak. I am glad things are working out for you.

Alas, while I am agonizing over wether or not to wear my wedding ring and where to wear it, my WW has just spent about one week with the OM at her apartment. I think we can safely assume he did not sleep on the couch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Quite a contrast! One spouse worried that he may send the wrong message with the wedding ring not on the ring finger. The other not caring what message she sends as she carries on with the OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Ok, I know. Time to calm down, emotionally withdraw, and as I said before "Let them eat static".

AUTO009988: I haven't replied in a while. Haven't been too hopeful today. I took my rings off on December 21, 2003 and won't put them back on until a recommitment ceremony. The trust before God was broken from all the lies and deceit. I thought we were starting to do ok, but I cannot forget details of H affair. H doesn't want to talk about it and usually ends up saying hurtful things to me. Regrets later, but always later. I have read many books on infidelity, adultery, emotional adultery, etc. Continuing with counselor, but I sometimes feel he tries to fool her too. He also was drinking heavily during affair. Six weeks later, I would think the fog would start to lift faster, shouldn't it? I hate feeling this way - anxiety, anxious, on edge, nightmares, cold at times toward H. I guess I have just been having a bad week. Could someone answer, please!