The BS has agreed to review and then mail a NC letter with me to the OW. I've begun work on it but want advice as far as the wording and content go. Here's the one I'm currently doing as far as its latest draft. PLease advise on anything that needs to be omitted or changed as far as verbage is concerned.

OW,

I’m writing this letter to communicate several things to you. The first is that I have made a commitment to myself to restore and preserve my marriage. I love my wife and children and want to remain in their lives as husband and father. I no longer intend on contacting you in any way from this point forward. I ask that you respect my wishes in this matter and do not try to contact me at all from this point on either. I apologize for the affair that occurred between you and I, as I was wrong for ever allowing it to happen. I understand that your feelings are hurt and I am responsible for it. All I can offer as an amends is the knowledge that I am working to make myself a better person, father, and husband for those who love me. For this to happen you and I cannot be friends or have any contact at all. Please respect this.

WS

Any thoughts?

Boy I would love to hear that from my WH some day before it's too late.Sounds good so far.I would also hasten to add that to put the letter to full effect,make sure you change all contact info immediately such as e-mail passwords,cellphone numbers and such so the OW cannot get in touch with you as she may try.

O

Thanks for the reply, I'm giving it to my BS this weekend with a postage paid envelope, pre-addressed. She's agreed that she will read it over and mail it! I don't know but I take heart in the fact she's at least willing to do that.

Am I leaving any content out that should be in there?

Is my wording ok? Taking into account my BS is going to read this and then the OW will when she gets it. I want the message and intent of it to be clear to both parties, does my letter do that adequately?

Also during my talk with my BS yesterday I indicated a willingness to write another NC letter to an OW from an A that happened 3 years ago. I made a disclosure of it to my BS and she had attempted to contact this person to see if I had told the truth. She found out that she'd since moved out of state. She says she believes me when I tell her there was NC from the point the A ended till now and she didn't see any reason to. I discussed it as well with my family and they were of the mindset if she hasn't tried to contact you in 3 years sending it may do more harm than good as she may have moved on with her life. I feel like I should.

Thoughts?

-2soon

I would suggest that in stead of:

“I apologize for the affair that occurred between you and I, as I was wrong for ever allowing it to happen. I understand that your feelings are hurt and I am responsible for it. All I can offer as an amends is the knowledge that I am working to make myself a better person, father, and husband for those who love me. For this to happen you and I cannot be friends or have any contact at all. ”

change it to:

“The affair that occurred between you and I were WRONG and should have never happened. I’m working to make myself a better person, father, and husband for those who love me. I don't want any further friendship or contact with you at all - it will be hurtful to the woman I love the most in the world.”

The reason I suggest this is because a NC letter is not suppose to express any concern for the OP’s feelings. This way the message will come through more firm and clearly.

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 07:47 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

Thank you Suze, Missed that in there. Any other advice anyone can throw this way? I'm making the change Suzet suggested and here's the revised version:


OW,

I’m writing this letter to communicate several things to you. The first is that I have made a commitment to restoring and preserving my marriage. I love my wife and children and want to remain in their lives as husband and father. I no longer intend on contacting you in any way from this point forward. I ask that you respect my wishes in this matter and do not try to contact me at all from this point on either. The affair that occurred between you and I wase WRONG and should have never happened. I’m working to make myself a better person, father, and husband for those who love me. I don't want any further friendship or contact with you at all - it will be hurtful to the people I love the most in the world. Please respect this.

WH

Wise2soon, I don't think it will be a good thing to send a letter to the person you haven't had contact with for the past 3 years. Remember, the sending of a NC-letter on this stage is still contact from your side!!! If she ever tries to contact you in future, then it will be appropriate to send a letter, but for now...just leave it as it is! Don't wake up the sleeping dog! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 07:59 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

I agree.The second draft sounds better,no need to validate the OW feelings at all,I should have recognized that one myself! And don't contact that first OW,no need to if there hasn't been any contact for 3 years.


O