Long story short I am seeing a need for Plan B in the near future. My W does not work and we share one car even if I could bring my self to ask her to leave there would not be any place for her to go so most likely I will have to go. I have friends that would probably let me stay with them. I will have to continue to pay bills/mortgage while I am gone. What should I do about any other financial support? Or the car, I could technically do without it and she would need it if she found the need to find work? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

jgnc,

BS should never leave home unless there is pyhsical threat ... WS should. If BS is still in the fog ... she will move OM right the moment you leave the front door.

I would not do that ... could you call into Harley's radio program and ask him the question ? or get counseling from MB.

-rh-

My W does not work and we share one car even if I could bring my self to ask her to leave there would not be any place for her to go so most likely I will have to go.

If you're going into Plan B, you make the decision and do it. FIRST you figure out how to protect and disentangle yourself. If there's anything left, you can worry about the effects on your spouse. I suspect that if you put her things outside and changed the locks, she'd find a place to go.

I have friends that would probably let me stay with them.

Good! She can probably stay with those same friends, if she's inclined to call them.

I will have to continue to pay bills/mortgage while I am gone.

Why? Plan B is for YOUR protection. You pay bills that you're responsible for. Her utilities and mortgage are not your responsibility. Pay your bills, not hers.

If you move out, the house is her problem.

If she moves out, then ask her for half the mortgage.

Fair? No. But neither is an affair.

What should I do about any other financial support?

None. You SHOULD support your kids, if you have them. There is absolutely no reason for you to support your wife while she is not participating in your marriage.

Or the car, I could technically do without it and she would need it if she found the need to find work?

She won't have a car? Bummer. Sucks to be her, but them's the breaks.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Rethink what you're doing with Plan B and why. And post your letter here before you give it to her. And do what you can to ensure that you understand that this is DETACHMENT, not punishment. Your goal is not to ruin or devastate your wife. Your goal is simply to untangle your life from hers while hers is in disarray.

My W does not work and we share one car even if I could bring my self to ask her to leave there would not be any place for her to go
Bummer for her, eh?

? Or the car, I could technically do without it and she would need it if she found the need to find work?
You are not supposed to fill ANY of her needs. Id she wants to have an affair, then she will do it but without your support

Major detail. WW has suffered from depression in one form or another since her early teens. Quit therapy and meds 2 years ago when we moved. She was on meds again the first half of 2003 but quit them again during the summer. She needs to be in therapy but has refused. Implementing plan B the way it is recommended I do not know how strong her reaction to being faced with the realities of plan B will be. Severe anger and depression are likely and it is possible that she would take it out on herself. Once years ago before we married I had to call 911, this was at a time when she had everything going for her but could not see through the depression.

Work under advice of a professional who is aware of her condition or familar w/ her diagnosis.

While it is good you seek out professional help for her, you can not allow it to hold you prisoner and allow her to use that condition it as an excuse to continue to inflict pain inti the family.

So you s/b working w/ a good MC also. Can U call Steve or Jennifer @ MB?

JMHO,
L.

jgnc,

This is more reason for you to go plan B ... not the opposite !. She has issues that she has to deal with IC not to mention MC. You have to let her go and let her fall and be ready to catch her when she is rock bottom.

Get it going ... your Plan B train should be ready to move regardless of WW.

-rh-

Major detail. WW has suffered from depression in one form or another since her early teens.
What does this have to do with you implementing Plan B?
She knows what she needs to do to help with this (medication & counsleing).

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>