Are you okay? You posted the other day that something was happening and you would come back and post about it, but you haven't been back since. Thinking of you and a bit worried. Please check in.

Regards,

Brit's Brat

bump - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

And another bump.

Hi Brit-

Thanks for thinking of me.

Yes, I'm doing well. I'vee been on a few job interviews and have been trying to turn this spiral around so I haven't had the time for MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

well, when I last posted, I mentioned that me IC had some thoughts about the letter. He hasworked professionally with the woman supersvising this group. He stated that this wasn't suprising to him once he realized who was behind this action. Apparently, this is a ploy that she uses often in her practice. He was really reassuring to talk to.

After he read the draft, he stated to me that he knows that the court will not do anything with it. He convinced me that it was a smokescreen that her group is using to make themselves look like they are professioinal. The fact is that the methodology that they are using is only inflaming the situation.

So- my plan now is to be PROACTIVE instead of reactive.

I went to the group again this saturday andthey gave us a revised finalized letter where the verbage of putting DS in a foster home was removed. They also added in 3 of the accomplishments that we did make in the group.

what I have done is to schedule DS with his own IC away from this group. He will be going there for the first time tomorrow. I plan on bringing the letter from the group and basically asking her to form an independant opinion of her own. If her conclusions are the same, then I will ask the court to assign a court appointed guardian that will be DS's voice. This way, he has someone non-emotioinally attached that can be his guardian.

I have a court date e on the 11th that will start the home investigation. Once this happens, X and I no longer have any control over the outcome for custody. It's a really sad thing that life has become this crazy, but in some ways I'm so grateful for the strength and intelligence that this has instilled in me. No longer will I just give myslef away, or the thingsthat I'm entitled too, because I feel that I am undeserving.

Thanks again...I'll update again after the court hearing.

Kily, I think that's really, really interesting.

Here's a phrase that you might want to practice over and over again:

"I'm concerned that this group of social workers has been drawn into the conflict between me and my ex-husband. While I understand that we have our differences, I believe that we need a group or individual who is more objective and better able to truly mediate between us."

It's nothing about you, nothing about your ex. It's not about attacking them. It's about identifying a change in the environment that can better support you and your ex in this mess.

Just J-

1000% accurate.

I suggested that we try and find a different group but no one seemed interested.

You are so good at this stuff. I see it. I agree with it. I try so hard to practice patience and understanding. I try so hard to detach and take the emotion out of it. Sometimes, that's so hard when you have someone that wants to justify their behavior and choices by throwing your own bad choioces in your face.

Truthfully J, I no longer want to be pulled into the conflict. I just want to be left alone and to not be attacked when he feels the need to unload his anger. I really need time away from my x to complete my healing process. I no longer dream of us being together again...in fact the thought makes me shudder. I truly just want to work on improving me.

For me, my best solution is to simply state what my boundary is and be firm about it. Until the time when x can accept the boundaries, then I need to be firm about them. Once he recognizes that I am now living a life independant of his where he no longer expects me to satellite around his whims and needs, then we can possibly be friends and this tug of war can end.

I'm just amazed that our relationship lasted for as long as it did. We have always had this type of conflict. I realize just how submissive I became in trying to keep the peace.

All I want now is peace for ds. If that means he needs his own guardian...I'm all for it. My battle now is for custody and for whatever the court deems mine in the house settlement. Other than that, I don't want to have to deal with X at all unless it's an extremely superficial way.

I made mistakes, but most of them were due to my complete loss of self worth and self esteem. I allowed all of the craziness, neglect, control, submission. I own that and don't hold X responsible for anything any longer. It's on hihm as to what he wants to hold onto. The only accountability he has now is to his son.

I guess you could say that I had a breakthrough two fridays back. I realized that spometimes your choices lead you to a bad situation. Once you're in that situation you can do one of two things...stew inn the bad...or make the sitaution into something that works.

i'm no longer going to be the "victim". I will use whatever tools are offered to me...even in the form of this group...to the best of my ability.

Anyway, enough rambling. I wish that I lived closer to DC. I think you and I would be good friends socially.

Thanks for the input