I don't know if any of you remember, but I posted a few days back. I need to sincerely appologize to the people on the board that responded. I was not truthful or honest in the post. I think I tried to convince myself that if I tell LOTS of people the same story, that it must be true. I have come clean all around, with my husband, my family, and friends.

I know my problem is much deeper than I realize and I had my first counseling session today since my husband found out about the situation. It was an individual session that was scheduled long ago for my depression, but I asked H to go with me and he did. I was honest with the counselor. He is very "tell it like it is" and I can now appreciate that. Previously at the counselor I don't believe I was REALLY truely open to help. Most because I didn't realize how deep and complex the problem really was.

I WANT to do this the RIGHT way, as far as doing my best to fix my marriage. I know that the right way would have been to never have the A. My marriage and my H are the most important thing in the world to me. I realize that this must not have always been true, or the A wouldn't have happened. I'm doing my best to become honest with MYSELF. I find it's taking courage that I might not have yet mustered.

I will elaborate on my story at a later time regarding the details of the A, how I lied, and I also have some questions about some of my emotions.

I am sincerely sorry I didn't tell you all the truth. I hope you all can continue to give me your support, advice, and even criticism.

Hello,

I think this is the beginning for you that will lead to recovery and happiness in your marriage and life. Honesty and respect go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. It sounds like you are "getting it" and beginning to follow the correct path. I wish you the best of luck.

Stick with the counseling and also with marriagebuilders. We will help you through this. Many people here, both WS's and BS's are working through problems and making changes in their lives. It is a great place to be.

Hang in there, you are doing fine.

I saw your post a few days back.

I know how hard it is to be honest with yourself, especially when it's something that you're not particularly proud of, something that will cost you something you value, or something that is the "difficult but correct" path. It sounds so easy, "just be honest," but it isn't always.

I congratulate you on your realization and your decision to do the difficult but right thing. That was a brave thing to do, and necessary if you want to grow. A good step!

Good post. You should change your handle, now.

The words 'coming clean' in your subject line caught my eye because I am almost in the same place you are. I have located a counselor to begin the process of full and complete disclosure about my affair and the marriage issues preceding and prevailing during and after it. I think this must be revealed in counseling as there is DV/verbal abuse/temper outburst history (and my husband owns guns).

My husband does deserve to know, whether the marriage ends or not, and I suspect it will. But at least I feel like I'm going somewhere and owning my responsibilities. I see it now in phases: 1) was ending the affair 2) was meeting with Barney's wife* 3) is facing myself and making a plan for living an honest life 4) is divorcing 5) is telling my kids the whole story (all phases).

I have never posted anything untrue, here or anywhere else, but I am guilty of lies of omission, so I wanted to say that I really really respect (and am inspired by) your post and wish you the best.

* Pepperband posted to someone who referred to the affair partner as "my X-OM" or something with a possessive pronoun and Pepperband corrected her and said "he is not 'your' anything--call him Betty's husband, inserting the real name of the person in place of 'Betty'." Like everything else Pepperband posts, this is so true and so useful it made me smile...so, in the future, I will refer (if ever necessary) to the X-affair partner as "Barney" and his wife as "Barney's wife".