Since I have send the NC-letter to OM last year September, he haven’t tried to contact me again, which I’m very glad about. During the 4 months after I have send him the NC letter, I haven’t bumped into him either, but during the beginning of this month I have bumped into him twice and during those times I just ignored him totally. Now, the problem is if I accidentally see him, I still feel anxious and very uncomfortable. I just wonder if this is still normal after such a long time since the friendship was ended? Last week, there was strategic planning for staff of the whole faculty. Both me & OM working at the same faculty of this institution. This meeting where all staff were addressed, lasted the whole day and the whole time I was sitting there, I felt overly aware of OM’s existence in the room. During lunch- or tea breaks, I felt like walking on eggshells because I knew I might bump into him and didn’t wanted to. The fact that I still experiencing anxiousness in a mild degree during times like this when I know accidental contact with OM might occur is really bothering me. I just wonder if this is normal after such a long time since the IR was ended? I don’t really have residual feelings towards OM anymore and I don’t have any desire to have contact with him again, but why then do I still experience this anxious and uncomfortable feelings? Is there any former WS out there struggling with the same problem?

Suzet, I think that your feelings are entirely normal. I know I've felt them when I was around someone who was that much of a risk. You're hyper-aware of the danger that he presents to you, and that makes you anxious and uncomfortable.

And the anxiety and discomfort are GOOD things. You should listen to them very well, because they're telling you correct things about how much damage you could cause if you end up in contact with him.

Just J, thanks for your input, I appreciate it! ForeverHers send me almost the same message as yours on the In Recovery board. His response was as follows:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Yes Suzet, it's both normal and healthy.

First, four months may seem like a long time, because you've lived it day by day with "awareness."

Second, think of it as God's little warning signal to remind you of the hard work, and the consequences of sin, that you've experienced.

You are doing great, so don't get excited about it. Simply accept it as a normal part of the recovery process and know that even if you were to have talk with him about some business matter, God will be with you to help you keep it strictly business and to sustain you as you focus on honoring Him, no matter what you might have to endure on any given day.

The "good news" is that the anxiousness will fade and lessen over time, but we are talking a lot more time than the first four months.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I said to him that sometimes I just wonder if these instinctive reactions is not too excessive, because although it&#8217;s nearly 5 months since the sending of NC-letter (which I realize is not a very long time), the friendship officially ended more than 1 year ago (during September '02) where after OM tried to contact me 2 times. But I understand and realize my reactions is better and healthier this way and as you&#8217;ve said, actually a GOOD thing! As long as I know I&#8217;m NORMAL and not the only one experiencing these reactions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My counselor have once said that I must acknowledge the positive side of this instinctive reactions - that I must also view this as a &#8216;blessing and protection from God&#8217; to protect me against my own weaknesses, potential danger and against any other man who might have bad intentions. I can see the truth in her words if I think back of what happened during my inappropriate friendship with OM: While I was in the midst of my involvement with OM, my anxious and uncomfortable feelings at the same time protected me and held me back from further involvement into a serious EA and/or PA with OM. Although 'moral code', conscience and awareness of potential damage played a big role in preventing me from letting the inappropriate friendship developed into a physical involvement at the time, I also think much of this reactions have to do with my experiences as a child, e.g. a deep-settled fear of &#8220;sexually being abused again by someone with bad intentions&#8221;. Does it make any sense? Is there any one out there with a similar situation/experience?

<small>[ February 02, 2004, 03:23 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>