Well guys, 2 long months nearly since NC (I cannot believe it) and daily I have imagined his bday on Feb 2.

I DO NOT WANT TO SEND THAT EMAIL THAT SAYS SOMETHING STUPID LIKE "Hope your day is great today, thinking of you, miss you" blah blah blah.

Gonna be a long weekend. I just dont want to do the wrong and stupid move on Monday morning and have to start all over again.

((((Positive vibes)))))))) Please!

Sally,
You are NOT going to do it. I think you've come too far. This time last week, I wasn't so sure, but you have made some progress...it shows in your posts.

But if you get the urge (and you may), just turn the computer OFF. Can you do that? Or do you have to have it on at work?
Diane

Yo Sally, don't do that. You'll feel icky and I'd rather that none of us had to feel icky anymore.

Besides, wouldn't it be better to remember that February 2 is Groundhog Day? Have you seen the Bill Murray movie where he has to repeat the same stupid mistakes over and over that day until he finally learns differently? Let that be February 2, for you; the day that you decide to do things differently instead of reliving mistakes from your past.

Hey,
I like the Groundhog day connection!

Maybe Sally, you could look for grounhog jokes and post them here! LOL

Seriously, I just read some of your old posts...'im an utter failure' for one, and you sound so much stronger now than you did then. do you remember the title of your original post? I would like to search for it and read it. Thanks Diane

Sally,

I know you won't break NC. Why not think of something special you and your H can do on Groundhogs Day. Hmmmm maybe rent the movie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sally,

Do whatever you can to not be near a computer on Monday.Or even this weekend if you can.Any chance you can just high tail it to some *remote getaway with your H? Even if you have to call in sick to work on Monday,that's what I would suggest.

You CAN get through this.Repeat it to yourself.Surround yourself with loving supportive people that can physically help keep you away if necessary.Good luck!

O

sally2003

consider doing things that will make you "prowd" about yourself.

In this situation you know before you "do it" that you are going to feel "needy & low" about yourself but then again it is your choice.

Have you told your H about your thoughts? You might want to do that. Would it really be worth the "pain"???

take care
bb

Sally.
I remember vividly how you checked your e-mail hundreds of times a day, hoping for a reply from the OM.

And then you received it and posted it here!
He said he wanted the affair to stop and to work on his marriage.
I think you answered and never heard again, even closed the secret e-mail account. That about right?

Do you realize if you send him an e-birthday card, you will be waiting and waiting again for a reply?

We do understand your wanting the OM to know that you haven't forgotten his birthday.
We do understand.
Even I, as a BW, understands your emotional need on this!

BUT, it will be a big emotional price you will pay, if you send him a card and note.
You KNOW you would want a responce from him!

If you feel you HAVE to let him know you haven't forgotten him or his birthday, then let your husband be in on it, perhaps have him sign his name on the card also! ~HA~
(Bet that would stop you from sending it, if it weren't sent in secret???)

Hang in there, maybe start a topic on Monday and post the messages of cards here instead, and what you would like to say. Un-load on us, your MB friends!
Maybe we will find some to add to your topic.
Like "Un-Happy Birthday, OM, Home-wrecker!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Love, Julie

Thanks all you wonderful wondrful people who have gotten me through 2 months of NC.

Diane, you are right, I posted his reply (OM's) here....he did say he wante dto work on his M. replied and that was it, closed account.

2 months later, I have thought about this day (Feb 2) and what I would say.

While I am definately stronger then Iwas on Dec 2 (his reply to me ending it) I still have that nagging urge..the "what if" he wanted to hear from me...even though that shouldnt not matter AT ALL.

I have faith I will do the right thing....I willbe so proud if I get past it--I think if I can abstain from emailing him on his bday, I can get through to never emailing him again.

Thanks again guys,
S.

sally,

I'll tell you a little bit about my post-affair 'incidental' contact with 'Betty's husband'.

Shortly after I'd ended the affair, and my birthday came along, I was preparing myself for silence from him (when in the past it had been the custom to send birthday and Christmas greetings). So it was a nice (and complete) surprise when he sent me something for my birthday. I wasn't looking to start anything back up, but it was nice to know that at least there wasn't ill will (he was really not understanding about my ending the affair and as a result of that I was not very nice either).

So, we continued that, birthday and Christmas only, for that year. Then Christmas came again and I was annoyed at my faintest impulse to send anything: damn it, what does he need a card from me for? Why on earth? He has a wife to tell him Merry Christmas. And what is this man to me anyway, really? If it isn't a relationship where can send it to his house, like any other person I send a card to, then to hell with it. I realized that I was sick to f***ing death of contorting myself to please someone or maintain a relationship--the secrecy aspect related to sending the damn card to his office sort of struck bells from my past about other ways I compromised myself for the sake of a relationship.

So maybe this will help you say, to hell with it.

Let it go, it's done, it's over!! He's 'Betty's husband', to you! Let him live and be well with that. He's nothing to do with you any more.

<small>[ January 30, 2004, 07:09 PM: Message edited by: everlong ]</small>

Sally - I admit to not knowing your story, bon't send that groundhog a thing.

My birthday is coming up and you can send a b-day greeting to me instead!

Originally posted by everlong:

I'll tell you a little bit about my post-affair 'indicental' contact with 'Betty's husband'.

TERMINATORrrrrrrrrr !!!!! LOL LOL LOL

This made me crack up!!!

I guess you've been reading my Aryn sonnets.

Thanks for this .... your humor is awesome!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Pep,

Oh, I read all your posts--you should know that by now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have to tell you that when I read the "Betty's husband" thing *I* laughed out loud because a) I am so sick of the acronyms/labels and b) it so clearly spoke to me about what the ideation must be, post-affair--that that person is nothing to you any more, and vice versa. I can turn off pointless thoughts almost like a switch now...I feel energy coming back that I need in order to do what's necessary...

So catch up w/me if you have a minute, read recent posts.

PS - I'm glad that your Mom's life is ending in a peaceful and joyous way, as much as that is possible. I knew (as I said) that you'd find a way to make it good but I know it's still hard. Best to you.

Sally, you can do it!! You've come so far this week, and now your H is in the loop about things. You have such a promising future right now.

You will be so proud of yourself if you don't send that email. Remember that all day. Do something special with your H, stay away from the computer if you can. If you are home alone with the kids that day, while hubbies at work, how about planning an outing with the kids, and having fun with them for the day. Then you won't even be near a computer all day.

AND WE WANT THE REPORT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED THAT NIGHT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> IT BETTER SAY "I DID IT! NC WAS NOT BROKEN!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We will all be pulling for you!

Liza

sally -- do something else

go get your hair done, maybe sometime in a tanning booth, your nails done, waxing, etc. ..

be so busy doing stuff you enjoy that you don't think of him. and spend loads of time with your family, send your hubby a bouquet of flowers (then you can think about how that will play all day at his work -- I did, made him feel special -- I did when d-day anniversary came up, everyone though it was great)

Make a "goodie" run to hubby's work ... I do this too, then I can hang with husnband while everyone is munching on the snacks I brought (I've done everything from Krispy Kreme donuts, Cheese Cake Factory, the local bakery pasteries -- some of his co-waorkers even ask when's the next time I'm coming -- I try for every 6 -8 weeks)

Spend your day doing fun things for you and for your husband/family that there is no time to think of OM

(I put on my FWW hat to write some of this)

good luck
way2

Hey Sally, how did it go?