this is the way I feel about my life. I've wasted 20 years with a man who I consider the most disgusting person who has walked the face of the earth. I'm trapped with him because of health and financial reasons.
He's a drunk, cheat, liar, supports the local prostitution economy instead of having a relationship with his wife a fact which denies yet the evidence is there, and continues playing games. He rarely speaks to his only daughter who is a pure delight. He does business with the county with which we live and they allow him to write their bids in order for him to get the business. That disgusts me. He continually will take his ring off for days at a time. He accuses me of lying and taking "his things." I do neither. He completely ignored our 20th anniversary and says it was because I am a bad person. I learned this just this week and that was 6 months ago.
We go nowhere and do nothing and my sight is so bad that I can't drive at night-so I'm in prison. I was the only one who attended to the burial of his father-he went to Vegas. He was the only child and a "Momma's boy" who didn't leave home until 27. He went to college for 8 years and I've never seen a diploma. Who thows those things away! When we got married, he told me that he was younger than he was, never made a B in school, has his Master's with highest honors and that he played baseball at a major University in our town. Lie, lie, lie. His mother didn't let him drive until he was 18 and told me right after we were married that "sex is sin." He believed it. We've probably had sex 20 times in 20 years. On our honeymoon he refused to speak to me on the 3rd day and didn't again until our trip home on the 7th day. His mother cut his hair until he was 34. This woman lived in filth that no human being could stand. Her mental illness was passed on to her son.
So now you're asking yourself, "Gee her toothbrush fell in the toliet 20 years ago, why is she still there?" I believed his lies up until 5 years ago when his mother died. I found his birth certificate and school records then my eyes were opened. His affair started after her death with a wh*re who is just as his mother was. I dare say she's had more sex than any prostitute he's ever known.
I stayed because of my faith and the vow I made to God. He has used my faith to manipulate me. Since that day I stayed because I needed health insurance and I was dependent upon his finances. (5 surgeries last year alone)
This is a man who attends church each Sunday. He has told so many lies about me at church that I no longer feel comfortable going there. I will not sit with him and I don't want people gossipping about why we aren't sitting together. My dear pastor said that he hasn't given up on him but I have. I physically feel sick when I'm around him.
Did we go to MC? Yes twice. A liar can't be helped as they won't look at the truth.
Why am I posting? I don't know maybe venting this will somehow make me feel better. I know I want your prayers. I feel like I'm stuck with no way out. My toothbrush fell in the toliet.
