My husband slept with the OW last year on Valentine's Day. As that day approaches, I find myself suddenly growing increasingly anxious, angry and depressed. This is such a huge trigger for me, as it's still so fresh in my mind how badly it hurt to be alone on Valentine's Day last year just KNOWING he was with the OW.

I don't know how to handle this. I hate that we're not further along in our recovery by now then we are. We've been back together for several months now, but I still have a lot of anger and resentment (not to mention depression) that I can't seem to let go of.

I told him that since Valentine's Day was SO bad for me last year, that I needed him to do something really special this year so that from here on out I can again associate Val.'s Day with positive happy thoughts. I suggested that we have our 6 year old DD spend the night at grandma's while we stay in a really nice bed and breakfast. He was all for it and went ahead and made reservations. There will be a fireplace and a whirpool in there, very romantic. I want to be able to enjoy myself, but how do I do that when I am still so angry and upset about his actions last year around this time?

Part of me is really excited about our "romantic getaway" but then another part of me is about ready to call and just cancel the reservations because part of me fears that instead of making love and having a great time together that I will be majorly triggered by the date and just end up crying that night.

Any thoughts or advice from you guys would be much appreciated. Thanks.

to1

I know where you are coming from. Our son's birthday is on the 13th, Valentines on the 14th and our anniversary on the 15th.

In 2001 my WW first slept with the OM on the 19th and 20th at an out of town seminar. She left there and drove straight to her sister's wedding on the 21st where of course me and the kids were waiting for her.

So yeah I am not real keen on this time of year. This will be the second year with the OM out of the picture but it still gets to me and I feel the tension mounting as we get closer to those times.

To top it off I bought her an "eternity" necklace for our 2001 anniversary. You know the three diamond job for past, present and future. Boy if I had only known what the present was at the time I could have saved a bundle and alot of future resentment by buying her a box of chocolates instead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

everything you are feeling is perfectly normal.(for this anyway). just try to relax and enjoy. tell your hubby whats going on, and ask him to do anything you think will help you relax. maybe a neck rub while in the jacuzzi. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

good luck--

Why not use Valentine's Day to focus on others? Big-time Valentine's surprises for the kids -- or for parents or friends. Thinking of it as a romantic holiday with a beloved is what's driving you nuts. Give love instead -- to whoever will take it.