T2B,
What service is he in? What rank is he? She?
First off, you asked a couple of questions.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just have this gut feeling I'm not getting it all.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And gut feeling is enough. Whether it is true or not, perception is reality. And the reality for you is tearing you apart. And that means it is tearing this marriage apart. More below.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been told to have faith in God and I am.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And that is VERY good. And as a Christian wife, you probably know what you are called to do as a wife. But, what you are not called to do is to live in fear and anxiety. Your husband is called to die for you, as Christ died for us. He is called to love you, as Christ loves us. Wives are not called to do these things...just husbands. Do you think for a minute that Christ would just say "Hey, I'm doing nothing wrong. So, you are wrong about the situation. Get over it."?? That's what your husband is saying.
Do a search in 1st Corinthians. Three times, it states "all things are lawful for me, but..." In a sentence, when the word "but" is used it means that everything that preceded it means nothing now. For a Christian, all things are lawful We can drink alcohol. We can do just about anything. BUTTTTTTT.....if what we are doing will cause another to fall, then we must not do it! So, if a Christian brother of mine has a problem with Chritians drinking alcohol, then I am to not drink around him. I am not to cause him to stumble.
Your husband is causing you to stumble. He is not protecting you, not loving you. Did you know that the ultimate responsibility for a marriage, in God's eyes, belongs to the husband...not the wife. Why?
Well, that is a whole message in itself, going back to the Garden. But to suffice it to say that God created Adam and all men as the spiritual leaders of their family. They are MADE to do so. Just like women have the "equipment" to be pregnant and men dont, women do not have the "equipment" to spiritually lead their families. That is why men are called to love and to lead, as Christ does so with us. And that is why women are called to respect and to submit to the spiritual authority of their husband. Notice I didnt say to all men...just their husband.
But, how is T2B going to submit and respect her husband when he continually ignores your pleas for help, for finding a way to find peace in your marriage? You are doing a great job so far, and I have no doubt that it is the Holy Spirit within you that is helping you. But your husband is failing miserably as the spiritual leader of your family. And he is failing miserably in the loving and dying for you.
Look, if my wife asked me to never talk to a particular woman again because it made her uneasy...well, then I would never talk to her again. even if my wife was just being irrational, or had no justification. Why? Because my relationship with her, and her relationship with God is more important to me than any other relationship in this world...to include the rest of my family. To include the relationship with my children. Now, before I would do so, I would try to lead my wife and get her to see the truth. But in the end, perception is reality. As Steve Harley said to me once..."Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?"
Your husband had better wake up. Whether or not he has had an affair, at this point, is irrelevent. He has put another relationship, with another woman, over your relationship. Look to my update later today. And look to the section I am struggling with...concerning my retirement. I have given up everything I have been for the last 20 years, because of a promise I made to my wife. And even if that means my men go to battle with a lesser leader, a promise to my wife I will keep.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How can we make this work if I dont' have the whole truth?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You cant! It is time for a confrontation, I expect. If he is a Chritian, then go to him. Tell him what I have told you here. Ask for him to go to counseling with you, to see the pastor. If he wont, then take him before your church (not the whole church...but bring the issue before the pastor and deacons). It is time, if he wont be a REAL man, to create a crisis for him. If he wont listen to you, then maybe he will listen to the church.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What happens if he is telling me the whole truth and all the circumstantial is just that? That makes me an incredibly bad wife. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No it doesnt!! I just told you above...he is an incredibly bad husband for allowing you to be in this position. He has to die for you...spiritually, emotionally, even physically. It is the ONLY way this will work the way it is supposed to. And he isnt doing it. If he hasnt done anything sexually or emotionally, like I said above, at the very least, he has put a friendship above his marriage. And that is just as wrong as an affair.
I'm afraid that you are going to have to confront him. Tell him. It is HIS job to rid you of your fears. He either comes clean, or he finds a way to prove to you that nothing has happened. But most of all, whether an affair has happened or not, he must put you first above all things (except Christ). Until he does that, he isnt much of a man. And he is going to destroy your marriage.
In His arms.
