Well I'm closing in on 11 months since my WW confessed and left.

I've had minimum contact with WW since June 4-5 times. Did good through the holidays.

Yet now feeling like it's almost time for her to file for divorce (march) I'm becomming emotional all over again about my marriage.

Don't know if I want to move on myself? Want WW to think about our marriage and what she's done Or just want the affair to be over?

I feel emotional hurt and stuck in the mud.

Is this confusion and apprehention normal at this stage of my own recovery??

I'm about 7 months into the same type of situation. I've been losing hope that she will come back. Then there are times when I just want her back, other times I just want her to want to come back and I can tell her no so I can feel in control for 1 minute of my life. Sometimes I even wish she would file for divorce and I can move on. Its like being between a rock and a hard place....

Lost,

Everything you added I have also felt.

Funny thing is I read your situation and think about mine and I don't know which one of us is in better shape.

My WW seems gone and I assume happy without me in her life. YOur WW seems to be bouncing back and forth.

I guess maybe all we can do is keep our heads above water, stand tall and act with repect for ourselves and our families. I hope we can look back on our situations in a few years and have no regrets for how we handled ourselves.

Maybe we will hear from some others?

Hi,
You are loosing HOPE, and I think it's pretty normal to be sad when you start to loose hope.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel emotional hurt and stuck in the mud.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would, too. You cant control other people... makes one feel pretty helpless. I'm sorry.

I think when you find NEW hope, for your new lives and your new Focus, and the sadness will pass. Mourning a loss (even the loss of hope) is pretty reasonable. Please take care - Dru

<small>[ February 03, 2004, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: Drucilla ]</small>

Hi fellows.
What Dru posted was good; although the thought of loss of hope makes me feel sad.
I guess as long as there is life there is some hope.

I wonder if you have thought of trying this 180 degree list?
It seems sometimes, we have to appear at least to moving on with our lives, for our mates to notice what it would be like without us there for them.

I wish you luck.
I am happy to say my FWH and I are well on the road to full recovery and total forgiveness.
Love, Julie

Here is the list:

I got this off http://www.divorcebusting.com. I hope
this helps. DivorceBusting suggests doing a 180.

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get
busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,
etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start
the conversation) be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have
had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you
are going to move on with your life, with or without
your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull
back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more
important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show
your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him
someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which
may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes
their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really
saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you
want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &
focus on all the other parts of your life that are not
in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any
words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you
are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with
your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than
50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in
absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad
you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

<small>[ February 03, 2004, 01:40 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Goodguy,
WW was bouncing back and forth because of the kids and not me. She has told me she does not love me and hasn't for a long time. Fog? I don't know...

Yesterday was my birthday. I didn't hear from her. Today I get a message on my machine from her saying that she wishes me a late birthday and wants to know if I want to file jointly or separately on our taxes. Hmm. So, really she didn't want to wish me a happy birthday, but just wanted to know what I was going to do about the taxes. I feel like telling her off but I know that won't do me any good. But since we are not together I think I'll be filing separately and take both daughters as my dependants...

I hope you are doing better. I'm beginning to feel 'done'. I have been thinking about her more and more these last few days and really hoped to hear from her yesterday. When I didn't, I just wanted her out of my life. I wonder too whether this is normal feelings for this time in this situation. I'm growing "tired"...