Hi, it's been a while since I last posted. I just wanted to thank everyone that replied and know that I read it. I related a lot to the post from Everlong and think her situation might closely resemble mine.

I will be changing my handle as she suggested. I thought of that before but didn't know if it was allowed. I'll be looking it to after I post this.

I have a question. I know many of you will be able to help. Just as a recap, I had an A with a man, Michael. My husband is Bill. I prefer using names. I was dishonest with Bill for a few days before I came out with the truth. I'm still trying to sort through the truth myself. Bill has a lot of questions that I'm not able to answer. He wants to know why I did this. He also is looking for specific dates, a timeline, and answers to questions like, how many times we had sex. I know he needs the answers to these questions to begin making a decision.

My question I guess is, how do I sort through these things in my head? I know it sounds like a cop out, or excuse, but it's really all this big mush. As far as why I did it, I have no idea, I think it was a number of factors. As far as a timeline and dates, I don't know how to even begin figuring that out. The hardest for me is how many times we had sex. It was always the same, no distinguishing factors, and the fact that I didn't want to be doing it at the time it was happening doens't help.

I WANT so badly to give him this information. I know he needs ALL of his questions answered before he can begin to sort through himself and make a decision on whether or not he will stay with me. Can anyone give me any advice or support? Also, is there anyone that has a situation similar to this that I might be able to talk to through email? There is a lot to the story that I don't necessarily want to explain publicly on this board.

Thank you all for your time again. This was yet again a long post. I look forward to your responses.

DBM,

In my experience it takes a while to know why you did something. While I was in the affair, I got a series of revelations about things--fragments of the overall answer.

Out of it as long as I have been, I know for myself every reason for everything, at least everything important. And that was from thinking of almost nothing else, all the while I was in it. Other parts of life became a welcome escape, which is ironic since people say that we have affairs to escape.

Tell as much of the truth as you know and be willing to work on the 'why' in his presence. (It's going to be quite different for me, discussing this with my husband, because he is habitually uninterested in the 'why' of anyone's behavior, especially his, but so what--it will be a first for us.)

Maybe a counselor is a good idea for you as well, go first by yourself and then have him start going.